Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2017/Paraphilia motivations

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Comments[edit]

Hey Meerab, your outline is looking great so far! Just made small edits to heading levels/format, hope you don't mind. Also noticed the chapter title and subtitle are a bit different on your page compared to the table of contents - might want to change one so they match. Looking forward to learning more about your topic as we go! cheers --u3122707 (discusscontribs) 04:11, 21 August 2017 (UTC)

Hi Meerab, great plan so far. This was actually the topic I was going to choose before I saw Loneliness so I wish you the best of luck. I've noticed you've changed the title of your chapter. It used to be "what motivates paraphilia?". I do like your new title now though, however, I do have a suggestion. Your new title reads: "What are the driving forces behind paraphilia?", and while your chapter outline is well structured, I feel like this question isn't ultimately answered with your current headings. Perhaps a section called "Motivators", or something alike, would aid the answering of your question. Based on my brief research before choosing a different topic, finding actual motivators is quite challenging. There is a lot of research into sexual offending (as the release for built up paraphilic behaviour), paraphilia as a way to suppress criminal behaviour (so the opposite), sadism and the liking of punishment and pain. Hopefully you can see where I am coming from in this comment. If you need more explanation, please don't hesitate to post on the discussion boards! Something I do love, though, is how you have incorporated social factors into the aetiology. An interesting fact I found on my previous research was that childhood punishment, such as spanking, lead to paraphilic behaviour in adolescence and adulthood. I will see if I can find this study and pass it on to you. Best of luck. --U3117126 (discusscontribs) 03:36, 22 August 2017 (UTC)


Hi there! Awesome work so far. I’ve just made some minor edits to some typo/formatting things in the first paragraph (obviously feel free to undo them if need be). Up to you, but I wouldn’t start a sentence with “whereas”, this is a conjunction not a sentence starting word. I did an assignment a fair while ago on child sexual abuse, and found it interesting how few victims of sexual abuse statistically go on to be abusers themselves, despite popular belief. I think it was something like only 1 in 10? Despite this, a very high percentage of people that DO abuse, have personal history of abuse… confusing I know, but very interesting. Check out the Australian Institute of Criminology, those guys have done heaps of really interesting studies: http://aic.gov.au/publications/current%20series/tandi/421-440/tandi429.html I also found common uses of therapy and the success of role play and empathetic therapies interesting. Plenty of research on reducing recidivism of sexual offenders around. Good luck!--U3154661 (discusscontribs) 04:19, 3 September 2017 (UTC)


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Meerab, I am back! I'm not sure if you're enrolled in the unit 'Learning', but a reading has come up that may be of particular interest to you. In Chapter four, there is a section dedicated to Paraphillias. The section also talks about a treatment which you have not included in your chapter outline but is essential to the "treatment" of such behaviour. It is called Aversion Therapy and is based on the principles of classical conditioning. Essentially, the text says: "In aversion therapy, a CS that elicits inappropriate sexual arousal is followed by a noxious US". When the therapy is complete/successful, the experience/stimuli that once aroused the individual will now elicit feelings of anxiousness, discomfort and avoidance behaviours. A (horrific and sad) example is as follows which can be found in the textbook: A 22 year old male, who liked to cross-dress in female clothing underwent aversion therapy. The "therapists" took photos of the man wearing the female clothing and then administered him a nauseating drug, and forced him to look at the photos of himself dressed as a female. Over the sessions, the young man associated the female clothing on himself with a sickening feeling and the young man showed no further interest in cross-dressing. They did a follow up after a number of years and they found no evidence that he went back to his old behaviour (Lavin et al., 1961). Click on the reference to go their original paper on the matter. Exploring this case (or others) and aversion therapy in your "treatment" section would be a fantastic development of your chapter. --U3117126 (discusscontribs) 04:59, 5 September 2017 (UTC)

Hi there! From a quick glance your chapter is looking great! Some minor adjustments that may be worth considering is either adding an extra sub-heading to "what is paraphilia?" or to get rid of sub-headings all together as the chapter guidelines say to avoid having sections with 1 sub-headings. Also don't forget to italicise your journal names in the reference list! This can be done by adding two of these marks ' ' at the start and end of journal names. - Hope this helps! --U3133258 (discusscontribs) 12:20, 18 October 2017 (UTC)

Great work Meerab ! this is one of the most well researched chapters I have looked at so far. I would recommend for the conclusion that you could discuss the prognosis as well as direction of future/ongoing research - perhaps borrowing from the discussion/recommendation sections in some of the research journals you have referenced. This will help tie up the excellent chapter you have written. Kind regards, Morgan --MorganSlater (discusscontribs) 23:06, 19 October 2017 (UTC)

Hey Meerab, this is looking really great! However it might be a good idea to include a definition of paraphilia in the overview, as right now the reader is looking at all the factors surrounding the development of paraphilia before they actually know what it is. --Taylormeggles (discusscontribs) 11:22, 20 October 2017 (UTC)

Hi again Meerab, it's Taylor - I don't want to edit anything without your consent at this stage, so might just remind you that unless something is a proper noun (for example, a name) or a title (for example, of a book), only the first letter of the first word should be capitalised in a heading according to wiki conventions. So, your section "What is Paraphilia?" should be "What is paraphilia?" and your section "Prevalence and Incidence" should be "Prevalence and incidence", etc. Good luck on submission!--Taylormeggles (discusscontribs) 07:17, 22 October 2017 (UTC)

Feedback[edit]

Hi there, your page is looking really awesome, and very well fleshed out. As you seem to have a large degree of information, and well written, I thought I'd suggest this video, as a potential addition to you External Links section, or reference it in the body of your article. Although informal,t he video is an interesting and engaging summary of some of the history of your topic. Hope this helps! :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qymp_VaFo9M --RainbowUnicorn97 (discusscontribs) 12:09, 20 October 2017 (UTC)

Feedback[edit]

Hi Meerab, great book chapter so far! I can see that you have analysed this topic comprehensively and it shows a thorough engagement in research and theories. I also like how you have separated this chapter into psychological, biological and social factors. I did however notice that you had two images, whilst this is a really good start I think if you include more it will make your chapter more engaging to the reader! I also suggest placing the case study in a coloured box which will bounce off the text and will really stand out and not get lost! All the best Jane --U3144362 (discusscontribs) 11:01, 18 October 2017 (UTC)u3144362 10:01PM

Heading casing[edit]

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FYI, the convention on Wikiversity is for lower-cased headings. For example, use:

==Cats and dogs==

rather than

==Cats and Dogs==

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 05:27, 21 November 2017 (UTC)


Topic development review and feedback

The topic development has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Topic development marks will be available later via Moodle. Keep an eye on Announcements. Note that marks are based on what was available before the due date, whereas the comments may also be based on all material available at time of providing this feedback.

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Title, sub-title, TOC[edit]

  1. Title/sub-title needs to be corrected to be consistent with the book table of contents
  2. Authorship details removed - authorship is as per the page's editing history

User page[edit]

  1. Created
  2. Used effectively
  3. Well done on uploading your own picture!

Social contribution[edit]

  1. Two Moodle posts linked - summarise the contribution so the marker doesn't have to click on every link
  2. Also consider making on-wiki contributions

Section headings[edit]

  1. Well developed 2-level heading structure
  2. Be careful not to turn this into a psychopathology summary of paraphiliac disorder and treatment. The chapter needs to more strongly connect with motivations - what motivates paraphilias - and what can be done about paraphilias from a motivational point of view? Info about paraphilias as disorders and treatment etc. can be briefly described and linked to.
  3. For the purposes of the book chapter (i.e., from a motivational perspective), a continuum perspective of sexual motivation is probably more helpful than a clinical diagnostic approach.
  4. Sections which include sub-sections should also include an overview paragraph (which doesn't need a separate heading) before branching into the sub-headings.

Key points[edit]

  1. See also comments about section headings
  2. At least one key points is provided for each section.
  3. Include in-text interwiki links for the first mention of key terms to relevant Wikipedia articles.
  4. Consider including more examples/case studies.
  5. Consider embedding one quiz question per major section rather than having one longer quiz towards the end.

Image[edit]

  1. Excellent
  2. Consider increasing image size from default
  3. Only italicise Figure 1

References[edit]

  1. Good.
  2. For full APA style:
    1. Use correct italicisation
    2. Use the new recommended format for dois - http://blog.apastyle.org/apastyle/2014/07/how-to-use-the-new-doi-format-in-apa-style.html
    3. Do not include issue numbers for journals which are continuously numbered within a volume

Resources[edit]

  1. Very good - some copyedits have been added

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 22:49, 16 October 2017 (UTC)

Feedback[edit]

Hi Meerab Your page looks like its going well. I will have a closer look at the text tomorrow but at first glance it looks as if some more illustrations to balance out the text would be good. --U3135539 (discusscontribs) 11:20, 18 October 2017 (UTC)

Direct edit to put case study inside a highlight box[edit]

Hi Meerab Your page is looking great! I just did a direct edit to put the case study inside a box to make it stand out from the rest of the text. Feel free to delete it if its not what you want. regards --U3135539 (discusscontribs) 11:10, 19 October 2017 (UTC)

Spacing and my minor edits[edit]

Hey there Meerab,

Looks like a good chapter - you've certainly got good content and theories!

I made a few edits within the last ten minutes of posting this, just to the start of the chapter thus far. One of the main systematic things I started to change, and that you should be consistent on is the spelling and usage of paraphilia, paraphilic (acts) and paraphilics (people).

A few tidbits you should just tweak are the text-box for paraphilia's meaning in Greek, which looks a little out of place and could instead have a subheading as the other sections do, maybe "Derivation" - I didn't change it because I was thinking you had it that way by choice. The other is the last sentence at the end of prevalence and incidence "Risk factors for developing paraphilia..." - you should find somewhere under the causes sections for it, because its not overly relevant to any of the content prior to it; I didn't move it because I haven't got a good idea of what else in your chapter is similar.

Good luck with finalising the chapter!

Regards,

--U3119308 (discusscontribs) 06:56, 21 October 2017 (UTC)

Feedback[edit]

Hey. Nice work. It's an interesting topic and you covered it really well. Goodluck.--U3118754 (discusscontribs) 02:26, 1 November 2017 (UTC)


Chapter review and feedback[edit]

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Chapter marks will be available later via Moodle, along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

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Overall[edit]

  1. Overall, this is a very good chapter.
  2. This chapter was over the maximum word count.
  3. For additional feedback, see these copyedits.

Theory[edit]

  1. The Overview needs to provide a basic explanation of paraphilias.
  2. Good use of focus questions.
  3. Consider include a case study/scenario to engage the reader in the Overview.
  4. Excellent content about the cultural aspects of paraphilias.
  5. Case study - cultural context?
  6. Excellent material on treatments.
  7. Reasonably good Conclusion, but what are the practical, take-home messages to improve our everyday lives?
  8. Theories were well described and explained, but perhaps could be better integrated.

Research[edit]

  1. Research is reasonably well covered.
  2. Some statements were unreferenced - see the [factual?] tags
  3. When describing important research findings, indicate the size of effects in addition to whether or not there was an effect or relationship.
  4. Greater emphasis on major reviews and meta-analyses would be helpful.

Written expression[edit]

  1. Written expression
    1. Some of the bullet-points should have been in full paragraph format.
    2. Check and correct use of commas with abbreviations (such as e.g., i.e.., etc.).
    3. Abbreviations such as vs. should only be used inside parentheses, otherwise use the full words.
    4. Many paragraphs are overly long. Each paragraph should communicate one key idea in three to five sentences.
  2. Layout
    1. See earlier comments about heading casing
  3. Learning features
    1. Integrate links to other related chapters such as "pleasure and motivation" and "testosterone and dominance"
    2. Adding interwiki links would make the text more interactive.
    3. Basic use of images.
    4. No use of tables.
    5. Good use of quizzes.
    6. Basic use of case studies.
  4. Spelling, grammar, and proofreading
    1. Use Australian spelling - e.g., hypothesize -> hypothesise
    2. Check and correct use of commas.
    3. Check and correct use of ownership apostrophes e.g., individuals -> individual's
  5. APA style
    1. Direct quotes need page numbers.
    2. Use APA style for Figure captions
    3. Citations
      1. A comma is needed before "&" for citations involving three or more authors
      2. Check and correct formatting of et al.
      3. Use ampersand (&) inside brackets and "and" outside brackets.
    4. References are not in full APA style e.g.,
      1. Check and correct italicisation
      2. See new doi format
      3. Do not include issue numbers for journals which are continuously numbered within volumes.


Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's Moodle site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.

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Overall[edit]

  1. Overall, this is a basic, sufficient presentation.

Structure and content[edit]

  1. Too much visual and audio content is presented within a 3 min. overview - be more selective.
  2. Consider using more examples.

Communication[edit]

  1. For a more effective presentation, slow down the audio communication speaking pace and leave longer pauses between sentences.
  2. Similarly, there was too much visual text to digest along with the fast audio - reduce the amount of text presented.
  3. Some slides were skipped? (remove them)
  4. Consider including titles on each slide.

Production quality[edit]

  1. Use the full chapter title and sub-title on the title page and for the video title.
  2. Audio recording quality was mediocre - lots of static. Review microphone set-up.
  3. Links to each of the image sources should be provided.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 23:17, 26 November 2017 (UTC)