Latest comment: 2 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
Hello, wow. You've got a lot on your page which is amazing.
I'm looking forward to reading it actually.
I d suggest that you add some self-help resources that students can reach out to if they find difficult to speak about their emotions or anything.
Link like
- Beyond blue
- Health talk australia
Latest comment: 2 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
The topic development has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to see editing changes made whilst reviewing this chapter plan. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Topic development marks are available via UCLearn. Note that marks are based on what was available before the due date, whereas the comments below may also be about all material on the page at the time of providing this feedback.
Excellent – at least one contribution has been made and summarised in a numbered list with direct link(s) to evidence
At least one contribution has indirect link(s) to evidence
Add direct links to evidence. To do this: View the page history, select the version of the page before and after your contributions, click "compare selected revisions", and then use this website address as a direct link to evidence for listing on your user page. For more info, see Making and summarising social contributions.
Promising 3-level heading structure – could benefit from further development.
Avoid having sections with only 1 sub-heading - use 0 or 2+ sub-headings
My suggestion is remove or significantly reduce the introductory sections.
Perhaps provide a section about help-seeking in boys which can introduce relevant theory and research. Then go into the specific sections about barriers and enablers.
Coverage of relevant theory could be embedded within the barriers and enablers sections (as opposed to having a stand-alone theory section)
I like the focus on interventions to promote help-seeking for boys. Or at least to use some examples as case studies. But be aware that this isn't part of the question, so can be truncated.
Reasonably well developed for the first half; absent for the second (more important) half
Avoid providing too much background information. Briefly summarise general concepts and provide internal wiki links to relevant book chapters and/or Wikipedia pages for further information. Then focus most of the content of this on directly answering the core question(s) posed by the chapter sub-title.
Target an international audience; Australians only represent 0.33% of the world population
Overview - Consider adding
focus questions
an image
an example or case study
I think focusing on selected specific barriers and enablers would provide appropriate, applied use of theory and research without having to have a separate, stand-alone theory section.
Strive for an integrated balance of theory and research
Include in-text interwiki links for the first mention of key terms to relevant Wikipedia articles and/or to other relevant book chapters.
Consider including more examples/case studies
Avoid overuse of direct quotations. Best to write in your own words.
Conclusion (the most important section):
Hasn't been developed
In a nutshell, what are the answer(s) to the question(s) in the sub-title and/or focus questions?
Latest comment: 2 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
Hi Brad,
Fantastic topic. I greatly appreciate you raising awareness of help-seeking among boys. This definitely deserves more attention. I'm looking forward to reading your final submission!
I have a suggestion for the readability of your chapter. I've noticed the "top examples" of previous year's submission (posted by James) share a similarity: less paragraphs. This aligns with the readability component 6.1.1. However, I acknowledge James does state in 6.1.6 that "A well-constructed paragraph is generally 3 to 5 sentences (opening sentence, body sentences, and a concluding/linking sentence). Avoid one sentence paragraphs and overly long paragraphs."
Your paragraphs read well, and they are constructed with thoughtfulness and detail. I appreciate this. And mine flows much the same. But having recently noticed the commonality of the top-examples I thought I would share my thoughts. I've started adapting my own chapter page in a similar way. Feel free to check it out: Window of tolerance.
Might also be worth considering adding extra images to the chapter, to break up the text and boost viewer engagement. Wikipedia can be such a boring platform to work with, adding your own creative flare makes it engaging!
Latest comment: 2 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's UCLearn site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.
The chapter title and sub-title (or an abbreviation to fit within the 100 character limit) are used in the name of the presentation — this helps to clearly convey the purpose of the presentation
Capitalise the first letter of the sub-title (per the book chapter)
A brief written description of the presentation is provided. Consider expanding.
Latest comment: 2 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Chapter marks will be available via UCLearn along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.
Overall, this is a very good chapter that makes very good use of psychological theory and research to help address a real-world phenomenon or problem
Well over the maximum word count. The content beyond 4000 words (i.e., from de-stigmatisation table onwards) has been ignored for marking purposes. To fit within the word count, the most obvious ways could be to reduce description of the problem, provide equal emphasis on barriers and enablers, and to be more selective about which citations to use.
For additional feedback, see the following comments and these copyedits
Use 3rd person perspective (e.g., "it") rather than 1st (e.g., "we") or 2nd person (e.g., "you") perspective[3] in the main text, although 1st or 2nd person perspective can work well for case studies or feature boxes.
Use permanent, rather than relative, time references. For example, instead of "20 years ago", refer to something like "at the beginning of the 21st century". In this way, the text will survive better into the future, without needing to be rewritten.
Refer to each Table at least once within the main text (e.g., see Table 1)
Citations are not in full APA style (7th ed.). For example:
Although not an APA style rule, it is recommend to select up to a maximum of three citations per point (i.e., avoid citing four or more citations to support a single point). This can help with reducing the word count.
Use ampersand (&) inside parentheses and "and" outside parentheses
References are not in full APA style. For example:
Overall, the use of learning features is very good
Good use of embedded in-text interwiki links to Wikipedia articles. Adding more interwiki links for the first mention of key words and technical concepts would make the text even more interactive. See example.
No use of embedded in-text links to related book chapters. Embedding in-text links to related book chapters helps to integrate this chapter into the broader book project.
Very good use of image(s)
Excellent use of table(s)
Good use of feature box(es)
Excellent use of quiz(zes)
Good use of case studies or examples
Excellent use of interwiki links in the "See also" section (not counted for marking purposes)
Excellent use of external links in the "External links" section (not counted for marking purposes)