Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2018/Anorexia nervosa and intrinsic motivation

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Suggestion[edit]

Heyǃ I thought your chapter was great, just made me think of this video which shows the huge impact eating disorders have not only on the person with the disorder, but also the family and those that surround them. I find a lot of these types of videos are from the US, and this one could impact Aussies a little bit more as it would hit closer to home. It's a topic that needs to be talked about for sure, and these videos increase the awareness of the severity. You could add it to your external links if you think it suits. Here is the link to the videoː https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anDnIvu4FjI&feature=youtu.be --Caroline Gangotena (discusscontribs) 11:41, 21 October 2018 (UTC)

I really enjoyed reading your chapter. Your figure, showing the difference between extrinsic and intrinsic motivation is a really good way to visualise the difference and I think it's really going to stick in my mind! --Louise Wheeler (discusscontribs) 10:22, 21 October 2018 (UTC)

Hi, I enjoyed reading your book chapter. I made some corrections in the text and in your references. I suggets going back over your references so that they are in the coorect APA format; such as adding City and State of book publications and adding the URL address your journal references ( this can be done by finding the "dio:" on the journal articles, you can access information here: http://blog.apastyle.org/apastyle/2017/03/doi-display-guidelines-update-march-2017.html --GabiK (discusscontribs) 23:37, 19 October 2018 (UTC)

Hi, very interesting chapter. I would love to see, even if a small mention of it, any treatment options and also the statistics on treatment rates especially when comorbid with something else. Some questions to think about: Implications for treatment? These could be very briefly mentioned in the take home messages in your conclusion. AIHW put out a really informative article on AH. https://www.aihw.gov.au/getmedia/ab86db9d-410a-4c93-89c4-99c8bdbdf125/aihw-aus-221-chapter-3-13.pdf.aspx Good luck. Thanks. Lucy. --Lucy Hanrahan (discusscontribs) 22:13, 16 October 2018 (UTC)

Hi there, this is an interesting topic you're doing! Firstly I would recommend that you use the template James has provided for everyone to use for your chapter, just for consistency and so you can get better marks! I also found this article that might be of use to you, it talks about anorexia nervosa and also mentions different models and specifically Maslow and his hierarchy of needs which may be relevant to your research. http://web.a.ebscohost.com.ezproxy.canberra.edu.au/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=10&sid=7d3b06c5-59d1-4883-bafa-93bce9f4101b%40sessionmgr4008 good luck with the chapter! --U3160212 (discusscontribs) 04:08, 28 August 2018 (UTC)

Hey, looks like your chapter is coming along quite well, ill be following along as im very interested in this topic. It could be useful to talk about the neurological aspects of anorexia, if you find it useful :)Emeraldcahill94 (discuss contribs) 03:44, 31 August 2018 (UTC)

Hey, your chapter sounds really interesting so far. I would like to suggest looking into external social impacts on eating disorder suffers, even as just a side comment, looking into 'Pro-ana' websites might be useful - this article sounds really interesting 'Pro-eating disorder websites:Users' opinions'. Hope your research goes well! --U3117719 (discusscontribs) 04:41, 1 September 2018 (UTC)

Hey, so far your chapter sounds really interesting, you have already collected so much information. I found a journal that could possibly be of some use and interest to you. It's Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation: the search for optimal motivation and performance by Carol Sansone and Judith M Harackiewicz. Hope your research and book chapter continue going well! CourtneyRadanovich (disscuss contribs) 09:41, 2 September 2018 (UTC)

It may be that strength or ego depletion models of motivation could be worthwhile considering in your writing it could be that they might contrast well with other theories of motivation related to your subject

Great start to your book chapter you might find some useful references to some of my thoughts here:

https://researchdirect.westernsydney.edu.au/islandora/object/uws%3A41422/datastream/PDF/view

(Luke O)

Ruby you could add this link https://thebutterflyfoundation.org.au/ to the section on external links U3037801 (discusscontribs) 03:00, 7 October 2018 (UTC)

Hey, you have such an interesting topic! For your external links, there are some great TED talks on anorexia nervosa. This TED talk --> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZpcTVqpaPw highlights Catherine's personal experience and gives insight to the intrinsic motivation of anorexia. A journal that might be helpful for the self-determination section is "The Application of Self-Determination Theory" (2013) by Jonathan Matusitz and Jacqueline Martin wrote (DOI: 10.1080/15401383.2013.850392). The article overviews Deci and Ryan's "Self-Determination Theory" and explains the theory in relation to anorexia. Good luck with your chapter! --U3143109 (discusscontribs) 01:29, 11 October 2018 (UTC)

I would just like to start by saying that you have done an amazing job on this chapter. I think your use of theories, images and statistics really show a high level of anaylsis. I do have one small suggestion, I think a case study might bring a more emotional reaction for the reader. Seeing statistics will give people a logical understanding, but a case study would also draw in attention and emotion from the reader. Also, it appears you having included DOI's in any of your references. You may want to add these. If you need help here is a link http://blog.apastyle.org/apastyle/2017/03/doi-display-guidelines-update-march-2017.html Fantastic work overall TaylorMal (discusscontribs) 23:33, 17 October 2018 (UTC)

Heading casing[edit]

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FYI, the convention on Wikiversity is for lower-cased headings. For example, use:

==Cats and dogs==

rather than

==Cats and Dogs==

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 10:10, 29 September 2018 (UTC)


Topic development feedback

The topic development has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing the chapter plan. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Topic development marks are available via Canvas. Note that marks are based on what was available before the due date, whereas the comments may also be based on all material available at time of providing this feedback.

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Title, sub-title, TOC[edit]

  1. Not provided per standard template style. Now fixed.

User page[edit]

  1. Seems to contain book chapter draft material, rather than a user page (e.g., something about yourself, link to the chapter you are working on, and list of social contributions)

Social contribution[edit]

  1. Not summarised on user page

Section headings[edit]

  1. Lacks development in relation to the topic which is "What intrinsic motivational factors contribute to anorexia nervosa?"
  2. Provide relative brief introductions to AN and IM as separate topics, with links to other Wikipedia/Wikiversity materials about these as stand-alone topics. This will allow space for this chapter instead to concentrate on the relationship between IM and AN. Currently there are no sections specifically focused on addressing the central question.

Key points[edit]

  1. Overview is clearly focused on the topic - more of this approach in subsequent sections would be ideal.
  2. Consider possibly including one or case studies to help illustrate the main points.
  3. See comments about section headings in terms of reducing general content/focus and enhancing the specific focus on IM aspects of AN.

Image[edit]

  1. OK
  2. Use a more detailed image caption to explain link to key points being made in the text.

References[edit]

  1. Probably put the non-peer reviewed / non-academic sources in External links rather than References.
  2. Use APA style

Resources[edit]

  1. See also - not provided - now added
  2. External links - OK - have tidied up

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 10:10, 29 September 2018 (UTC)

Topic development copyedits[edit]

Just noting that I made these suggested topic development copyedits which were removed with your subsequent edit . That may have been unintentional (e.g., you may have pasted in an alternative version using material from your user page). If so, you may still find it useful to review my earlier edits and see which ones may still be relevant and to then make those changes again manually yourself. Sincerely, James -- Jtneill - Talk - c 06:09, 4 October 2018 (UTC)

Topic development - Section headings (additional feedback)[edit]

For Topic Development marking purposes, the most recent version of the chapter page prior to the due date was used for marking (see https://en.wikiversity.org/w/index.php?title=Motivation_and_emotion/Book/2018/Anorexia_nervosa_and_intrinsic_motivation&oldid=1915682).

In addition to earlier comments about section headings (see heading casing and Topic development - Section headings, here's some additional feedback about the topic development headings:

  1. Avoid headings that aren't part of the recommended structure (see template).
  2. Consider removing the heading "What is anorexia nervosa?" because this is not the focus for the chapter. Instead, consider providing a brief description of AN (e.g., as part of the Overview or another section) along with a link to a Wikiversity or Wikipedia resource (such as anorexia nervosa) for more detail. Then focus the heading structure and chapter content on summarising and synthesising the best available psychological science about the chapter topic which is "What intrinsic motivational factors contribute to anorexia nervosa?".
  3. Consider removing or expanding the heading "What is motivation?". Remove if this intended to be a general section about motivation for the same reasons as suggested above in relation to the "What is AN?" heading. Instead, provide a brief description of motivation and link to more dedicated resources for more info such as motivation.
  4. Consider adding three to five top-level headings which develop and organise psychological science about the chapter topic which is "What IM factors contribute to AN?".
  5. Consider adding two to five sub-headings which further develop and unpack content in larger proposed sections (optional).
  6. Add "Conclusion" as a top-level heading, per template
  7. Add "See also" as a top-level heading, per template

Sincerely, James -- Jtneill - Talk - c 21:32, 4 October 2018 (UTC)

Disclaimer section[edit]

A disclaimer section isn't recommended (e.g., a disclaimer isn't normally presented on academic articles about psychological disorders or health conditions nor is it presented for Wikipedia articles (e.g., anorexia nervosa)). Perhaps a sentence along these lines could be presented as part of the Overview or Conclusion. I suggest sticking with the recommended chapter structure -- Jtneill - Talk - c 21:33, 4 October 2018 (UTC)

Referencing advice[edit]

Hello,

Your chapter looks fantastic so far! Great work. I just thought I would give you some guidance with APA 6th edition style referencing. If you have used electronic journal articles (that is, you found them online), it is a good idea to add the DOI at the end, so whoever is looking at your book chapter can find the articles used more directly.

Here is the UC Library's guideline, which gives you helpful examples:

https://canberra.libguides.com/c.php?g=599301&p=4149345

I hope this helps!

--Ju3141393 (discusscontribs) 05:06, 18 October 2018 (UTC)

Minor edits[edit]

Hi there, this is a very interesting chapter well done! I've changed anorexia nervosa to AN in your chapter where necessary as it was not consistent, as well as removing the initials of the researchers in your in-text referencing as that does not conform to APA style! Some statements also seem as though they need referencing, and your title seems to have disappeared. Otherwise, well done and good luck! --U3160212 (discusscontribs) 09:36, 21 October 2018 (UTC)


Chapter review and feedback[edit]

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Chapter marks will be available later via Moodle, along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

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Overall[edit]

  1. Overall, this is a promising chapter but it makes one of the most fundamental mistakes - it spends relatively too much on lead-in, generic concepts (the first two-third covers introductory concepts) and too little on content directly related to the specific topic (i.e., specifically on IM aspects of AN).
  2. For additional feedback, see comments below and these copyedits.

Theory[edit]

  1. Relevant theories are well selected, described, and explained. Where they are related to IM and AN, the content is excellent. Where theories are not clearly related to IM and AN, they should be dropped or rewritten.

Research[edit]

  1. As with theories, some relevant research is described, but where theories the research is not clearly related to IM and AN, it should be dropped or rewritten.
  2. Consider describing more detail about methodology and results for highly relevant studies.
  3. Some statements are unreferenced (see the [factual?] tags).
  4. Greater emphasis on major reviews and meta-analyses would be helpful.

Written expression[edit]

  1. Written expression
    1. The chapter is well written.
    2. Greater emphasis on practical, take-away applications to help improve people's every day lives would be ideal (i.e., fit with the book theme).
    3. Internationalise: Write for an international, not just Australian audience. Australians make up only 0.32% of the world human population.
    4. Use abbreviations sparingly. Do not use abbreviations for minor terms that aren't used very much in the chapter (e.g., OCD).
  2. Layout
    1. The chapter is well structured, with major sections using sub-sections.
    2. Sections which include sub-sections should also include an introductory paragraph (which doesn't need a separate heading) before branching into the sub-headings.
  3. Learning features
    1. Adding interwiki links for the first mention of key words would make the text more interactive.
    2. Good use of images, with excellent captions.
    3. Effect use of a table.
    4. Quiz questions could be improved by being less general and more specific to the chapter topic.
    5. Consider using one or more case studies or examples.
  4. Spelling, grammar, and proofreading.
    1. Check and correct use of ownership apostrophes (e.g., individuals vs. individual's).
  5. APA style was generally very good
    1. References are not in full APA style e.g.,
      1. Check and correct capitalisation.
      2. Check and correct italicisation.
      3. See new doi format.


Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's Canvas site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.

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Overall[edit]

  1. Overall, this is a basic, insufficient presentation.
  2. The first half of the presentation shows the book chapter, however the multimedia presentation is meant to be a stand-alone summary of psychological theory and research about the topic. A link to the book chapter is provided in the description, so there is no need to show the book chapter (it is too small to read or get anything useful visually via the multimedia presentation). Instead, present the problem (IM aspects of AN) and provide a high-level synthesis of theory, research, and take-home messages.

Structure and content[edit]

  1. Many of the comments about the book chapter also apply to this section i.e., theory coverage is reasonable, but there is a distinct lack of review and synthesis of relevant research, and no engaging case study or practical examples, or take-home messages to help improve the lives of the audience.

Communication[edit]

  1. The presentation makes some basic use of text-based slides with narrated audio.
  2. The presentation is considerably shorter than the 3 minute allowance.
  3. Audio narration is well paced and clear.
  4. The font size in the second half of the presentation is sufficiently large to make it easy to read in the time provided.
  5. The visual communication could be improved by including some relevant images.

Production quality[edit]

  1. Use the full chapter title and sub-title on the opening slide and in the name of the video because this helps to match the book chapter and to clearly convey the purpose of the presentation.
  2. Audio and video recording quality was excellent.
  3. A copyright license for the presentation is provided.
  4. A link to and from the book chapter is provided.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 09:19, 17 November 2018 (UTC)