Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2017/Hypothalamus and motivation

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Feedback[edit]

Hey there! Your chapter is looking great, very engaging. One thing I would suggest is to link more terms throughout your chapter, especially because its such a technical and biology based topic. I had a read through, some terms you could think about linking are:

  • Glucocorticoids
  • Adenosine
  • Orexin
  • Ghrelin
  • Autism Spectrum Disorder

These terms are just a suggestion, however, if you're struggling for word limit linking some main/frequent terms may be helpful in terms of reducing word count so you don't need to use those words up writing definitions. Hope this helps! --U3133258 (discusscontribs) 07:40, 19 October 2017 (UTC)

Image query[edit]

That moving brain and body is amazing but in the text what area are they linked to?--U3115339 (discusscontribs) 03:25, 23 August 2017 (UTC) U3115339 - 1:23pm 23/8/17

Hi U3115339, the body will be linked to the HPA axis paragraph when completed, so it can show the Hypothalamus, Pituitary and Adrenal Glands in respect to the human body, this way I think it will be better to visualise the HPA pathway rather than purely just text explaining it... In response to the brain I am just going to have this as a picture under the title, do you think I should move it somewhere else? thank you so much for your feedback! --U3144362 (discusscontribs) 01:27, 24 August 2017 (UTC) u3144362

Hi U3144362, it is so good to now see how your pictures are linked into you text! Your page reads well with all the information presented in a clear and informative way. With regards to adding a definition about homoeostasis I think it would be best fitted in the homoeostasis section. Good luck! --U3115339 (discusscontribs) 08:55, 3 September 2017 (UTC)

Hi U3115399, thank you so much for your feedback! - I think the definition will flow well in this section as well! - thank you again --U3144362 (discusscontribs) 10:30, 3 September 2017 (UTC) u3144362 8:30PM

Email feedback[edit]

Feedback: In response to your email:

  • Theory: The topic lends itself most clearly to a biological (neuropsychological) theoretical perspective but it may also be worth mentioning connecting with more psychological theories such as drive theory.
  • Application: The key take home, applied messages could be around understanding how the functioning of the hypothalamus affects everyday motivation and behaviour. Often people aren’t aware what motivates their behaviour (unconscious motivation), but an understanding of how and why brain structures function to influence motivation can help people to achieve greater insight into their own and other’s behaviours, and be better able to predict and control responses to internal and external events.
Sincerely, James -- Jtneill - Talk - c 07:50, 29 August 2017 (UTC)
Hi James, thank you so much, I was worried about the theoretical application of my book chapter, as so far my analysis has been purely biological, but this has cleared it up
Thank you, Jane --U3144362 (discusscontribs) 05:42, 30 August 2017 (UTC) u3144362 3:42PM

Feedback[edit]

Hey Jane! You have made a very interesting and informative page!! --Holly Kingham (discusscontribs) 10:53, 2 September 2017 (UTC)User:u3142859

Thank you Holly, let me know if there is anything I can improve upon through progression of this page! I have also left numerous comments on your page if you wanted to check them out :) --U3144362 (discusscontribs) 13:22, 2 September 2017 (UTC) u3144362 11:22 PM

Editing[edit]

Hi Jane, this chapter is great - loving all the interactive elements, they make it very engaging and fun to read! Just made a couple of minor formatting/grammar edits - hope you don't mind, they are here if you want to check and feel free to change anything back of course! For your final chapter another case study that demonstrates some of the aspects of daily life that are influenced by a healthy hypothalamus might be something to consider? All the best! --u3122707 (discusscontribs) 09:16, 3 September 2017 (UTC)

Hi Sonia, thank you so much for your informative feedback, and especially your editing! This has never been my strong point and it is extremely helpful to have an extra set of eyes looking over my page. Many thanks again :) --U3144362 (discusscontribs) 10:30, 3 September 2017 (UTC) u3144362 8:29 PM
Hi Sonia following on from this I noticed two of your references were hyperlinked and changed them to reflect apa style: here hope this helps :) --U3144362 (discusscontribs) 10:42, 3 September 2017 (UTC) u3144362 8:42 PM

Heading casing[edit]

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FYI, the convention on Wikiversity is for lower-cased headings. For example, use:

==Cats and dogs==

rather than

==Cats and Dogs==

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 01:32, 1 September 2017 (UTC)

Thankyou very much for this feedback, I have changed my headings accordingly --U3144362 (discusscontribs) 10:15, 1 September 2017 (UTC) u3144362 8:15PM

Feedback and article[edit]

Great page, so much detail already. Very informative with clear headings and subheadings. Here is a source that may help to contribute to your page: http://rcin.org.pl/ibd/Content/4777/WA488_4275_P180-T29-z3-4_ABE.pdf#page=109 u3141330 (User: U3141330) (discuss)contribs) 22:30 3rd September 2017

Hi u3141330, thank you so much for this source, it looks like a good seminal article I can use to guide my focus on the biological processes, thanks again! --U3144362 (discusscontribs) 12:50, 3 September 2017 (UTC) u3144362 10:50PM

Suggestions and resources[edit]

Hi Jane!

It struck me as I was looking at your page that it might be difficult to link such a technical biological topic to our broader focus of how people can use this information to "live more effective motivational and emotional lives". I think an interesting practical application of knowledge about the hypothalamus and related areas is its role in stress and stress management. This could relate to the Fight or flight section of your chapter, looking at when these physiological motivational responses may be inappropriate, or even harmful in everyday situations. The literature I've been looking at suggests that the psychological and physiological health benefits of mindfulness may be due at least in part to its effects on the HPA axis. Maybe you could look at this as suggestions of how to manage the dysfunctional fight/flight motivations that contribute to the development of some anxiety disorders.

Below I've included some references on this topic that you may find useful.

Stranahan, A. M., Lee, K., & Mattson, M. P. (2008). Central Mechanisms of HPA axis Regulation by Voluntary Exercise. Neuromolecular Medicine, 10(2), 118–127. http://doi.org/10.1007/s12017-008-8027-0. (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3010733/)

- less related, but interesting. About voluntary/predictable stressors like running, vs uncontrollable stressors, and their mechanisms.

Creswell, D. J., & Lindsay, E. K. (20`4). How Does Mindfulness Training Affect Health? A Mindfulness Stress Buffering Account. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 6, 401-407. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721414547415. (http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0963721414547415#articleCitationDownloadContainer)

- Model of mechanisms of mindfulness, inc. HPA axis and a pretty good diagram

Cresswell, D. J. (2015). Biological Pathways Linking Mindfulness with Health. In K. W. Brown & R. R. Creswell (Eds). Handbook on mindfulness science. Retrieved at http://repository.cmu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2409&context=psychology.

- Comprehensive overview of biological effects of mindfulness, I just flicked through to the hypothalamus related parts!

Hope some of this is helpful to you! RaniaLillian (discusscontribs) 04:57, 12 October 2017 (UTC)
P.S. I remembered the name of the prolonged stress response we were talking about the other day! It's General Adaption Syndrome! The idea is that there is an initial 'alarm' stage of stress (increased cortisol, arousal, suppression of non-urgent processes), which to me seems like a fight or flight response, followed by the 'resistance' stage (initial sympathetic response is reduced but adrenal response maintains alertness), which I think involves the HPA axis, followed by the 'exhaustion' stage (depleted energy, immune response etc). This has quite broad applications, as many modern day stressors are prolonged (eg. job or uni stress) rather than acute (being chased by a bear). If you still have your Biological Psychology book, have a look in chapter 11 for a summary of General Adaption Syndrome and the role of the hypothalamus in stress, and chapter 8 for an overview of the role of the hypothalamus in arousal:) RaniaLillian (discusscontribs) 00:35, 14 October 2017 (UTC)

Hi Rania,
Thank you so so much for your extensive feedback! I have struggled to find a more day to day application of hypothalamic functioning which isn't purely unconscious per say, where
people can 'see' the imperative functioning of the hypothalamus. I think the mindfulness idea is great and I am definitely going to incorporate this into my chapter.
I also think the general adaption syndrome is a great one to include in this chapter as well, and I will probably incorporate a flowchart of this so it doesn't eat up my words so
much haha. I am going to read through that textbook tomorrow and make some adaptions to my chapter relative to the HPA axis and general adaption syndrome.
Once again thank you so much for feedback! I will have a look through yours in the next few days and leave a comment!
Thank you - Jane --U3144362 (discusscontribs) 11:11, 14 October 2017 (UTC)u3144362

Feedback[edit]

Hi Jane Apologies about the delay in getting back to you about your chapter. It looks like its going well! I really like your idea about putting the key questions in a box. I think that draws the eye and engages. I can see the intro isnt finished yet but maybe when you do try and introduce it in simpler language?? It jumps into rather technical talk really quick! It needs a sum up sentence also (but im sure youre onto that). The Fun fact box is good I was wondering if maybe Interesting Fact? would fit in with the topic better? I would put the whole word major depressive disorder in there rather than the abbreviation in case someone jumps forward to the highlight box and doesnt pick up what the shortened version means from the text. I really like figure 3 and the caption. Really gets the message across. Therotation illustrations look great! I was very envious of them when I saw them but I did feel I was looking for a simple illustration of the hypothalamus position too (the other moved quickly). You look like youve got a good idea about the rest of the content. I find when Im writing things like this I try and tell it as if I was explaining it to someone directly. Not sure if that works for you but it helps me put the story together. Hope this helps Let me know if you want anything else next week closer to submission. Feel free to critique my page even if its harsh!! Good Luck Alysum --U3135539 (discusscontribs) 05:57, 14 October 2017 (UTC)

Hi Alysum,
Thankyou so much for your feedback! Also - thankyou especially for suggesting 'interesting fact' whilst writing this I found that 'fun fact' wasn't really sensitive, however I
couldn't really find a replacement so just left it (It has been changed now - along with changing the MDD abbreviation). I just want to seek a bit of clarification on your second
last point about a simple illustration of the hypothalamus - the other moved quickly. I am not really sure what this entails (sorry I might just be pretty tired haha)
Once again thank you for your feedback I will have a look over your page and leave a comment in the following days
Good luck to you too! - Jane --U3144362 (discusscontribs) 11:18, 14 October 2017 (UTC)u3144362


Hey Jane! I noticed your post on the Moodle discussion forum and just had a read of your book chapter! It's looking really good, the images are presented nicely and I like that spinning gif of the brain, the tables also make it neat and simple to comprehend. The page in general is understandable and quite interesting read! Naomi :) --NHP96 (discusscontribs) 10:49, 22 October 2017 (UTC)


Topic development review and feedback

The topic development has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Topic development marks will be available later via Moodle. Keep an eye on Announcements. Note that marks are based on what was available before the due date, whereas the comments may also be based on all material available at time of providing this feedback.

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Title, sub-title, TOC[edit]

  1. Very good
  2. Author name removed (authorship is as per editing history)

User page[edit]

  1. Created
  2. Used effectively

Social contribution[edit]

  1. Well summarised and significant engagement through social contributions
  2. Links could be improved by being more direct - see guidelines - best way is to view the page history, compare the previous version of the page with the version after your edit, then list to this comparison address

Section headings[edit]

  1. Overall, good coverage
  2. Be careful not to get overly focused on neuroanatomy etc. - the topic is about the effect of motivation, not on what the hypothalamus is physiologically etc., although some explanation is appropriate, but keep this minimal, linking to further info about non-motivational aspects
  3. For sections with sub-headings, provide introductory content following the main heading, before branching into sub-heading content
  4. Avoid sub-sections with only one sub-section - there should be 0 or 2+ sub-sections per section
  5. Consider moving the case study to earlier in the chapter e.g., into the Overview, to provide some tangible example/s of the motivational role of the hypothalamus. The current case study has a physiological rather than motivational emphasis.
  6. The theoretical applications may not be necessary - the main theoretical perspective for this topic is biological. So, unless needs hierarchy and drive theory can be demonstrably related, I suggest leaving them out and concentrating on doing a great job at explaining how the hypothalamus relates to motivation from a biological point of view

Key points[edit]

  1. There's plenty of evidence that you've thought through the topic
  2. My main suggestion is to concentrate on doing less better, rather than more briefly/incompletely - so, some decisions may need to be made about what are the most important aspects of hypothalamus function that relate to the most important aspects of motivation
  3. Excellent use of distributed quiz questions
  4. Consider providing more in-text wiki-links to other relevant chapters and Wikipedia articles

Image[edit]

  1. Excellent use of images and tables (make sure tables have APA style captions)
  2. Ensure that the image captions clearly relate back to the text and the purpose of the chapter
  3. Consider expanding image sizes

References[edit]

  1. Very good
  2. Use the new recommended format for dois - http://blog.apastyle.org/apastyle/2014/07/how-to-use-the-new-doi-format-in-apa-style.html

Resources[edit]

  1. See also
    1. Add bullet points
  2. External links
    1. Add bullet points

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 20:35, 14 October 2017 (UTC)

Feedback[edit]

Hi Jane,

Thank you for the feedback on my chapter. After reading through your chapter I think it might be a good idea to add in some more hyperlinks. Especially to anatomical body parts that lay people might not recognise. I think it might be best not to link to the hypothalamus in your chapter, as that is what you are explaining. Instead I would add links to other things such as Diencephalon etc. In my chapter I added in a lot of hyperlinks, I was worried that I was adding too much but James said the use of links in my chapter was very good. I have direct edited the first section of the hypothalamus as an example but feel free to undo the edit if you don’t think it works for you. Also, if you link glucocorticoids you won’t have to explain what they are.

I think the table showing zones etc, is a great idea, but I feel this would be too scientific for an intelligent lay person to understand. I would add in a hyperlink to everything in the table. It could be seen as link overkill, however, in doing so you are not just providing an anatomical description (what is it) but also a physiological (what it does) explanation to the reader.

I can see that you have done an amazing job reviewing the literature, this is the most comprehensive chapter I have come across so far. I think your chapter is coming together very well. The only other suggestion I can make is maybe mentioning one of the theories related to eating motivation. Perhaps you could make a link between HyOb, leptin resistance and the Lipostatic theory or the set-point theory.

I like how your overview instantly caught my interest and engaged me as a reader. Your quizzes are also done very, very well. Overall I think you’re on the right track and doing a great job.

Well done 

--EmmaCane28 (discusscontribs) 07:35, 19 October 2017 (UTC)

Hi Emma, Thankyou for suggesting hyperlinks - I was going to do them all prior to editing but I was unsure on how to link properly (now I can press edit source and see how to do
them). I also appreciate the suggestion to link all the terms in the table because I understand how it may be confusing to lay people. I was considering set-point theory maybe I
will put in a little box illustrating this - that is if my word limit permits this. Thank you very much for all of your comments I really appreciate this extensive feedback!

-- --U3144362 (discusscontribs) 10:38, 19 October 2017 (UTC)u3144362 9:38PM

Feedback[edit]

Hi The case study throughout is a great idea! Works really well as you read along! Aside from that Im sure James suggested having at least 2 items at each heading level. So maybe change I think 4.2.1 as it is the only one at that level. I had a few like this and ended up making it part of the paragraph but bolding instead. Looking good! --U3135539 (discusscontribs) 09:45, 20 October 2017 (UTC)

Removing clutter[edit]

Heya ;D

So, in your chapter, there is the table at the start with the different regions of the Hypothalamus - do you refer to many all of those sections throughout? I thought I'd mention it because it looks a little cluttered and if its not important to you, it's a bit dense for a reader, and they probably won't remember it - removing it won't hurt.

One other suggestion I had was, instead of Robelbox-es, you can use Roundboxes to have a margin around text, instead of the cramped look full fit text - would you be interested in using those? There are some on my page, and I can replace them if you would like to see what they're like? Also I thought that the light switch picture didn't really add much, and a basic explanation in the text would be accurate. I can fit the text, table image and text box better if you don't mind removing it?

Nearly there!

--U3119308 (discusscontribs) 07:13, 22 October 2017 (UTC)

Hey thanks so much for your feedback I have taken all of your feedback on board, Jane --U3144362 (discusscontribs) 10:44, 22 October 2017 (UTC)u3144362 9:44 PM

Final feedback and well doneǃ[edit]

Congratulations on completing your chapterǃ It might have been a challenge, but you've ended up with a comprehensive, insightful, well written page. Your effective use of visual presentation of information (tables, diagrams, images) and your use of text boxes to highlight specific information are definitely elements I hope to incorporate in my own chapterǃ
I was looking through the marking criteria this morning, and thought I would highlight some of the things I think you have done particularly well.

  • Incorporated psychological theories (like drive and social motivation theories) to highlight the link between physiological processes and behaviour
  • Examples in the form of your case study as well as specific experiments to demonstrate hypothalamic influences
  • Broad and extensive research on the topic while still showing independent critical analysis and drawing your own well-informed inferences based on evidence
  • Combine technical and plain language for an accessible yet academic read (case study also helped to bring a technical topic back to relatable application)
  • Include multiple links to other resources, making the text interactive and facilitating broader contextual understanding - separating the quizzes also increased opportunity for interaction, and provided good points for reinforcing content so far
  • Final text box provides an excellent take-home message about why understanding the basis for our actions is important


Looking forward to seeing your multimedia presentation, good luckǃǃRaniaLillian (discusscontribs) 01:00, 23 October 2017 (UTC)


Chapter review and feedback[edit]

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Chapter marks will be available later via Moodle, along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

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Overall[edit]

  1. Overall, this is a very good chapter on a challenging neurological topic.
  2. The main area for improvement is in the quality of the written expression.
  3. For additional feedback, see these copyedits.

Theory[edit]

  1. Theories were well described, explained, and integrated, with examples.

Research[edit]

  1. Relevant research is well identified and described with appropriate detail.
  2. When describing important research findings, indicate the size of effects in addition to whether or not there was an effect or relationship.
  3. Some statements were unreferenced - see the [factual?] tags

Written expression[edit]

  1. Written expression
    1. The quality of written expression can be improved by being simplified e.g., avoid unecessary words and hyperbole e.g., "overwhelming literature"
  2. The Overview and Conclusion are well developed.
  3. Learning features
    1. Only use interwiki links for the first mention of each key term.
    2. Images, feature boxes, case studies, and quiz questions are well used and integrated.
  4. Spelling, grammar and proofreading
    1. Review and correct overuse and awkward use of terms such as "relative", "comparative", "denoted", "seminal", "propose", "preponderance", and "postulate"
    2. Review and correct overuse of semi-colons
    3. The grammar for some sentences could be improved - see the [grammar?] tags
  5. APA style
    1. Use APA style for Figure captions (lower case)
    2. Numbers under 10 should be written in words (e.g., five); numbers 10 and over should be written in numbers (e.g., 10)
    3. The references are presented in very good APA style.


Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's Moodle site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.

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Overall[edit]

  1. Overall, this is a very good presentation.

Structure and content[edit]

  1. The problem (question) is reasonably well conveyed at the beginning.
  2. The amount of content was reasonably good. At times, however, the presentation errs on the side of presenting too much detail.
  3. The example was very helpful.
  4. Some of the content is somewhat technical and may not be readily accessible to a lay viewer.
  5. The Conclusion could perhaps emphasise the practical, take-home messages.

Communication[edit]

  1. Audio communication is reasonably clear, with some pauses/stumbles.
  2. Visual communication is very clear and engaging, with a combination of animation and text which is not too small to read.

Production quality[edit]

  1. Overall production quality is excellent.
  2. Full title and sub-title included, along with excellent meta-data, including relevant acknowledgement of image sources.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 05:06, 24 November 2017 (UTC)