Latest comment: 3 years ago2 comments2 people in discussion
Hi there!
Wow! Your book chapter is amazing, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it! Congrats on the work you have put into it so far! I do have a quick pointer that I hope is helpful before submission. You seem to have substantially gone over the word count. Remember that the word count includes your references, and not just the body of the chapter: https://en.wikiversity.org/wiki/Motivation_and_emotion/Assessment/Chapter . To make your writing more concise, you might consider giving your writing a flat tone. For example, you could remove the word 'truly' in your first paragraph, and it would still read well.
I hope these points help, and you have a rewarding end of semester!
Latest comment: 3 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
The topic development has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing the chapter plan. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Topic development marks are available via UCLearn. Note that marks are based on what was available before the due date, whereas the comments may also be based on all material available at time of providing this feedback.
Very good - although it reads like a cut and paste from somewhere else
Consider linking to your eportfolio page and/or any other professional online profile or resume such as LinkedIn. This is not required, but it can be useful to interlink your professional networks.
This chapter plan is probably already over the maximum word count, so be ruthless, focused, and disciplined in selecting what to include and what to exclude. The litmus test is - does it help to answer the question (i.e., the subtitle)?
Direct quotes need page numbers (APA style).
Overview:
focuses on optimism but not so much on optimism and physical health
a description of the problem and what will be covered
Consider adding:
an image
an example or case study
Keep sections 2 and 3 relatively brief (i.e., avoid providing too much background information). Briefly summarise general concepts and provide internal wiki links to other book chapters and/or Wikipedia pages for further information. Then focus most of the content of this chapter on directly answering the core question(s) posed by the chapter sub-title i.e., section 4.
Avoid overly focusing on COVID - the chapter needs to stand up over time, so don't overfocus on current, rapidly changing circumstances, especially when the topic doesn't require it. The relationship between optimism and physical health in the context of COVID, however, could be used as a case study.
For sections which include sub-section include key points for an overview paragraph prior to branching into the sub-headings.
Well done on include in-text interwiki links for the first mention of at least one key term to relevant Wikipedia articles and/or to other relevant book chapters.
The relationship between optimism and biomarkers, immunosuppression, and treatment adherence are all very promising and probably sufficient to carry this chapter. Maybe also consider optimism and longevity.
Be wary of delving too far into subjective well-being as it is not really "physical health".
The section on coping is promising. Providing theoretical explanation for the relationships identified by research between optimism and physical health is the holy grail for this chapter . I wonder whether adherence is an explanatory factor too, rather than an outcome?
Perhaps consider whether physical health could be improved by enhancing optimism.
Latest comment: 3 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Chapter marks will be available via UCLearn along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.
As pointed out twice above, this chapter is well over the maximum word count, therefore most of the references and all the external links have been ignored for marking purposes.
There is other feedback about the topic development that has been ignored, so it is not repeated in these book chapter comments.
Relevant theories are well selected, described, and explained.
Refer to optimism/pessimism (i.e., traits) rather than optimists/pessimists (i.e., types) because most research uses the former. This could help to improve the clarity of sentences such as: "However, generally optimists are correlated to being more physically healthy than pessimists, which can be noted within biomarkers such as lower blood pressure and cortisol levels, faster cardiovascular recovery, reductions in chronic cardiovascular inflammation markers (such as interleukin-6 and homocysteine) and improved homeostasis."
The chapter doesn't wander off into discussion of irrelevant theory, although the initial background about optimism/pessimism could be abbreviated - summarise and link to further information (such as other book chapters or Wikipedia articles), to allow this chapter to focus on the specific topic (i.e., the sub-title question).
Expand on statements such as: "Dispositional optimism has also been related to better health outcomes, such as fewer physical health complaints, fewer influenza symptoms and better long-term and short-term recovery (Tomakowsky et al., 2001)." and reduce background detail about optimism as a stand-alone concept.
How are the names of optimism measures relevant to understanding the impact of optimism on health?
Critical thinking is evidenced by: discussing the direction of relationships, including some detail about methodologies, and providing some consideration of the strength of observed relationships, although this could be strengthened.
Overall, the quality of written expression is good.
Use 3rd person perspective (e.g., "it") rather than 1st (e.g., "we") or 2nd person (e.g., "you") perspective[1] in the main text, although 1st or 2nd person perspective can work well for case studies or feature boxes.
Avoid overly emotive language (e.g,. truly) in science-based communication.
Reduce use of weasel words (e.g., Another model of optimism that exists is the explanatory style) which bulk out the text, but don't enhance meaning.
Some paragraphs are overly long. Each paragraph should communicate one key idea in three to five sentences.
Some sentences are overly long; consider splitting them into shorter, separate sentences.
Layout
The chapter is well structured, with major sections using sub-sections.
Avoid having sections with 1 sub-heading - use 0 or 2+ sub-headings.
Headings should use default wiki style (e.g., remove additional bold).
The grammar for some sentences could be improved (e.g., see the [grammar?] tags). Grammar-checking tools are available in most internet browsers and word processing software packages. Another option is to share draft work with peers and ask for their assistance.
Latest comment: 3 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's UCLearn site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.
