Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2021/Motivation-facilitation model of sexual offending

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Topic development feedback[edit source]

The topic development has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing the chapter plan. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Topic development marks are available via UCLearn. Note that marks are based on what was available before the due date, whereas the comments may also be based on all material available at time of providing this feedback.

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Title[edit source]

  1. The title is correctly worded and formatted
  2. The sub-title is correctly worded and formatted

User page[edit source]

  1. Excellent - used effectively
  2. Description about self provided
  3. Consider linking to your eportfolio page and/or any other professional online profile or resume such as LinkedIn. This is not required, but it can be useful to interlink your professional networks.
  4. Link provided to book chapter

Social contribution[edit source]

  1. Excellent - summarised with direct link(s) to evidence

Headings[edit source]

  1. Excellent
  2. Well developed 2-level heading structure, with meaningful headings that directly relate to the core topic

Key points[edit source]

  1. The plan is clearly communicated
  2. Key points are well developed for each section, with relevant citations
  3. A critical perspective is evident
  4. Overview - Consider adding:
    1. a description of the problem
    2. an image
    3. an example or case study
  5. Target an international audience; Australians only represent 0.33% of the world population
  6. Good balance of theory and research
  7. Conclusion (the most important section):
    1. well developed

Figure[edit source]

  1. The image has been deleted most likely due to a lack of sufficient copyright permission for reuse

References[edit source]

  1. Very good
  2. For APA referencing style, check and correct:
    1. capitalisation
    2. separate page numbers by an en-dash (–) rather than a hyphen (-)

Resources[edit source]

  1. Very good
  2. Use bullet-points
  3. Target an international audience

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 04:23, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Article[edit source]

Hello! Very heavy topic you have there. Good job on developing your book chapter thus far. I found this article which might be of interest to you so that you can get started. It is about men who are sexually attracted to children and the study is based around the motivation-facilitation model of sexual offending. Here is the link; https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2016-47529-007 and the title of the article is An Internet study of men sexually attracted to children: Correlates of sexual offending against children. Good luck and I look forward to reading your book chapter. :) --U3202023 (discusscontribs) 22:40, 6 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Chapter review and feedback[edit source]

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Chapter marks will be available via UCLearn along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

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Overall[edit source]

  1. Overall, this is an excellent chapter that successfully uses psychological theory and research to help address a practical, real-world phenomenon or problem.
  2. Well over the maximum word count.
  3. For additional feedback, see the following comments and these copyedits.

Overview[edit source]

  1. Well developed Overview.
  2. Clearly explains the problem or phenomenon.
  3. Clear focus question(s).
  4. Engages reader interest by introducing a case study and/or example and/or using an image.

Theory — Breadth[edit source]

  1. Relevant theories are very well selected, described, and explained.
  2. The chapter doesn't wander off into discussion of irrelevant theory.
  3. Build more strongly on other sex-related chapters (e.g., by embedding links to other chapters in this category: Category:Motivation and emotion/Book/Sexual motivation).

Theory — Depth[edit source]

  1. Excellent depth is provided about the selected theory(ies).
  2. However, the chapter is over the maximum word count, so abbreviate.
  3. Tables and/or lists are used effectively to help clearly convey key theoretical information.
  4. Useful examples are provided to illustrate theoretical concepts.

Research — Key findings[edit source]

  1. Relevant research is very well reviewed.
  2. Greater emphasis on effect sizes, major reviews, and/or meta-analyses would be helpful.

Research — Critical thinking[edit source]

  1. Excellent critical thinking about research is evident.

Integration[edit source]

  1. Discussion of theory and research is well integrated.

Conclusion[edit source]

  1. Key points are well summarised.
  2. Clear take-home message(s).

Written expression — Style[edit source]

  1. Written expression
    1. Overall, the quality of written expression is excellent.
    2. The chapter is over the maximum word count, so abbreviate.
    3. The chapter is well structured, with major sections using sub-sections.
  2. Grammar
    1. The grammar for some sentences could be improved (e.g., see the [grammar?] tags). Grammar-checking tools are available in most internet browsers and word processing software packages. Another option is to share draft work with peers and ask for their assistance.
    2. Check and correct use of ownership apostrophes (e.g., individuals vs. individual's vs individuals').[1].
    3. Abbreviations
      1. Check and correct grammatical formatting for abbreviations (such as e.g., i.e., et al., etc.).
  3. APA style
    1. Use double (not single) quotation marks "to introduce a word or phrase used as an ironic comment, as slang, or as an invented or coined expression; use quotation marks only for the first occurrence of the word or phrase, not for subsequent occurrences" (APA 7th ed., 2020, p. 159).
    2. Figures
      1. Figures are very well captioned.
      2. Figure captions use the correct format.
      3. Figures are referred to using APA style.
    3. Tables
      1. Table captions should use APA style. See example.
      2. Tables are referred to using APA style.
    4. Citations are not in full APA style (7th ed.). For example:
      1. Use ampersand (&) inside parentheses and "and" outside parentheses.
      2. Use comma after et al. and before year in parentheses (e.g., Sonja et al. 2018 -> Sonja et al., 2018)
      3. Multiple citations in parentheses should be listed in alphabetical order by first author surname.
    5. References are not in full APA style. For example:
      1. Page numbers should be separated by an en-dash (–) rather than a hyphen (-)

Written expression — Learning features[edit source]

  1. Overall, the use of learning features is excellent.
  2. Excellent use of embedded in-text interwiki links to Wikipedia articles. # Basic use of embedded in-text links to related book chapters. Embedding more in-text links to related book chapters helps to integrate this chapter into the broader book project.
  3. Good use of image(s).
  4. Good use of table(s).
  5. Very good use of feature box(es).
  6. Good use of quiz(zes).
  7. Excellent use of case studies or examples.
  8. Excellent use of interwiki links in the "See also" section.
  9. Good use of external links in the "External links" section.

Social contribution[edit source]

  1. ~15 logged, minor to major social contributions with direct links to evidence.
  2. Some listed contributions did not go to direct links to evidence, so unable to easily verify and assess.
  3. Contributions made across three platforms.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 03:49, 24 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's UCLearn site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.

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Overall[edit source]

  1. Overall, this is a basic presentation.
  2. The presentation ran over time - content beyond 3 mins was ignored for marking purposes.

Overview[edit source]

  1. An opening slide with the title and sub-title is presented and narrated - this helps to clearly convey the purpose of the presentation.
  2. Check and correct sub-title to match with book chapter.
  3. Briefly explain why this topic is important.

Content[edit source]

  1. The presentation addresses the topic.
  2. An appropriate amount of content is presented - not too much or too little.
  3. The presentation is well structured.
  4. The presentation makes good use of relevant psychological theory.
  5. The presentation makes basic use of relevant psychological research.
  6. The presentation makes basic use of one or more examples or case studies or practical advice.

Conclusion[edit source]

  1. The presentation could be strengthened by adding a Conclusion slide with practical, take-home messages.

Audio[edit source]

  1. The audio is easy to follow.
  2. Audio communication is well paced.
  3. Good intonation enhances listener interest and engagement.
  4. The presentation lacks the polish that could come with further practice.
  5. Audio recording quality was OK. Probably the microphone was a little too close (e.g., some buffeting).
  6. The narrated content isn't well matched to the target topic. Volume varied between slides.

Video[edit source]

  1. Overall, visual display quality is good.
  2. The presentation makes good use of text and image based slides.
  3. The presentation makes basic use of text-based slides.
  4. The font size is sufficiently large to make it easy to read.
  5. The amount of text presented per slide should be reduced to make it easier to read and listen at the same time.
  6. The visual communication is supplemented by images and/or diagrams.
  7. The presentation is well produced using simple tools.

Meta-data[edit source]

  1. The chapter title and sub-title (or an abbreviation to fit within the 100 character limit) are used in the name of the presentation - this helps to clearly convey the purpose of the presentation.
  2. A brief written description of the presentation is provided. Consider expanding.
  3. A link to the book chapter is provided but it goes to a specific section rather than the top of the chapter.
  4. A link from the book chapter is provided.

Licensing[edit source]

  1. Image sources are communicated in a general way. Also provide links to each image and the license details.
    1. A copyright license for the presentation is provided in the presentation description but not in the meta-data.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 05:45, 21 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]