Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2021/Torture motivation

Comment

Hi J.Payten I just changed the sentence casing for some of the subheadings (Evolutionary, Personality and Psycodynamic)under the heading of Psychological theory --U3185260 (discuss • contribs) 00:26, 27 August 2021 (UTC)

Heading casing

Hi J.Payten. FYI, the recommended Wikiversity heading style uses sentence casing. For example: Self-determination theory rather than Self-Determination Theory Here's an example chapter with correct heading casing: Growth mindset development -- Jtneill - Talk - c 04:45, 4 September 2021 (UTC)

Topic development feedback

The topic development has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing the chapter plan. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Topic development marks are available via UCLearn. Note that marks are based on what was available before the due date, whereas the comments may also be based on all material available at time of providing this feedback.

Title Excellent User page Excellent - used effectively Description about self provided Consider linking to your eportfolio page and/or any other professional online profile or resume such as LinkedIn. This is not required, but it can be useful to interlink your professional networks. Link provided to book chapter Social contribution Excellent - summarised with direct link(s) to evidence. Headings Promising 2-level heading structure - could benefit from further development by reducing the background material (in sections 2 to 4) expanding the structure for the main content (sections 5 to 7). Use default heading formatting (e.g., avoid bold, italics, underline etc.). See earlier comment about Heading casing. Key points Key points are well developed for each section, with relevant citations. Main suggestion is to focus more ruthlessly on only covering content that directly helps to address the topic (the sub-title) using psychological theory and research. Avoid providing too much background information. Briefly summarise general concepts and provide internal wiki links to other book chapters and/or Wikipedia pages for further information. Then focus most of the content of this chapter on directly answering the core question(s) posed by the chapter sub-title. Overview - Consider: providing a description of the problem being more selective about which focus questions to include an image an example or case study History and Users sections aren't needed - this material is probably well covered by one or more Wikipedia articles - so, summarise and link to these For sections which include sub-section include key points for an overview paragraph prior to branching into the sub-headings. Expand coverage of psychological theory and research. Excellent use of in-text interwiki links for the first mention of key terms to relevant Wikipedia articles and/or to other relevant book chapters. Conclusion (the most important section): under developed what might the take-home, practical messages be? in a nutshell, what are the answer(s) to the question in the sub-title? Figure A figure is presented. Caption uses APA style. Cite each figure at least once in the main text. References Excellent Resources Excellent

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 04:45, 4 September 2021 (UTC)

General edits

Hi. Saw you wanted feedback on the discussion forum. So here I am.

1. When you refer to alternative sources, you say "(see X)" I would consider revising this where possible to: "or the film, Saw" and in-text link the word "saw". The use of "(see X)" really interrupts the flow of the paragraph. I personally think it can be jarring especially when used to this extent. But again, just something to keep in mind.

2. Focus qn box is GREAT. I have seen 20 chapters thus far that don't make use of it. Well done. BUT mak=ybe consider adding an icon to it or change the way it looks to stand out more. Have a look at this chapter for an example: https://en.wikiversity.org/wiki/Motivation_and_emotion/Book/2021/Indigenous_Australian_well-being

3. Love that you used the BTK- fab example. I think this chapter would further benefit from some historical accounts of female serial killers who tortured before killing. I think people get caught up in the Hollywood-ness of serial killers (i.e., Bundy) and how 'male' they are. BTK is really popularised; steer toward providing the reader with new info! I would STRONGLY consider using this lady from the 15th C:

Elizabeth Báthory - Wikipediahttps://en.wikipedia.org › wiki › Elizabeth_Báthory

4. Assuming the "Types of torture" heading is incomplete, if not, consider more info.

Well done. Loving this creepy topic; right up my street.

Hi J.Payten There is a movie called The Report which is available on Amazon prime and it's about the CIA using waterboarding as a form torture, I think this would be a really good addition to your chapter as it based on the actual the CIA's torture report, and it quite interesting to watch. --U3185260 (discuss • contribs) 01:24, 13 October 2021 (UTC)--

Feedback

Hi,

I saw the link to your chapter on the discussion page so I had a read of it and put in some clarification templates, but overall I was pretty impressed with your work so well done. Below is some general feedback, and a detailed list that relates to the clarification templates. The numbers are the order in which they occur in the text:

General Feedback:

• The ‘Fun fact’ was a unique and interesting touch
• Very well formatted with a clear, logical flow of concepts and ideas
• Very clearly written and easy to follow and understand
• You could potentially look at putting more references into some sections. I have been correcting errors in book chapters from previous years for social contributions, and many of the faults noted by the markers of these have been a lack of references for statements.

Detailed Points:

1. “The horrific act of torture has many uses carried out by many users.” – Could this instead be “The horrific act of torture is carried out by different people for different reasons.”
2. “see figure 1 of an ancient torture device used” – You can just put Figure 1 in brackets at the end of the sentence, I feel the descriptor sentence is unnecessary. E.g. “…and right up until the 21st century (Figure 1).”
3. “However, not so much evident now, but commonplace in Medieval times.” – A bit awkward. Perhaps could instead say, “However, while torture as a deterrence is not as prominent in society today, it was commonplace during Medieval times.”
4. “…assumes that individuals are rational (Schönteich, 2002). Therefore, the majority of crimes that are irrational…” – As this is the same source, it may flow better if it was one sentence. “The idea behind deterrence assumes that individuals are rational, therefore, the majority of crimes that are irrational, do not meet the requirements for deterrence to occur (Schönteich, 2002).”
5. “…assumes that individuals are rational (Schönteich, 2002). Therefore, the majority of crimes that are irrational…” – As this is the same source, it may flow better if it was one sentence. “The idea behind deterrence assumes that individuals are rational, therefore, the majority of crimes that are irrational, do not meet the requirements for deterrence to occur (Schönteich, 2002).”
6. “(see figure 2)”. I believe the F needs to be capitalised when a figure is mentioned in-text.
7. “…confessions, intel…” – I think using the full word ‘intelligence’ would be better here, as some readers may not understand the lingo, and it perhaps reads more professionally
8. “…who was one of Rader's first kills…” – It may be better to use this person’s whole name as it is the first time they appear in text, and possibly even a clarifying statement. E.g., “…who was one of Dennis Rader’s (a prolific serial killer) first kills…”
9. ”…hence hedonistic-lust motivated.” – ‘Motivation’ instead of ‘motivated’ may read better
10. “…are the ultimate beings…” – Would personification, exemplification be better? "...psychopaths are the personification of P&C..."
11. “Psychopaths also tick boxes of…” – Perhaps “Psychopaths also exhibit traits of…” would fit better
12. “…describes these methods only…” – Slightly awkward
13. “O'Mara supports this notion…” – Missing reference date

(U3186267 (discuss • contribs) 08:15, 7 October 2021 (UTC) = Username)

Feedback

Hi there!

Great job on the work you have put into the book chapter so far! I do have a couple of points that I hope help with finishing it off. Firstly, it might be a good idea to include a source for the definition that you provide at the start. I like how you've referenced both treaties and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. There is a comprehensive definition of torture in the Convention Against Torture which has been ratified by Australia ( https://www.ohchr.org/en/professionalinterest/pages/cat.aspx ). In Australia, torture is made illegal by domestic legislation such as Chapter 8 of the Commonwealth Criminal Code. Secondly, I would make sure that you're using language which is academic rather than colloquial. For example, you might consider finding a replacement for the phrase 'rollercoaster ride' to make the tone sound more professional. Finally, it might be good to outline what you mean by 'effective'. If the torture is used simply for punishment, that would make the mere act of inflicting pain and suffering on the subject effective, but I think you are talking more about torture for the purpose of gaining information.

Hope these points help :)

U3202904 (discuss • contribs) 12:29, 12 October 2021 (UTC)

RE: Zimbardo Video

Hey Josh,

I was just wondering if you'd considered adding this TedTalk "What makes people go wrong?" by Phillip Zimbardo as part of your book chapter? It's a really fascinating watch and I think it would make a great addition to add near the end? Maybe in a colourful round box like this?

https://www.ted.com/talks/philip_zimbardo_the_psychology_of_evil?language=en

--u3197931 (discuss • contribs) 23:51, 16 October 2021 (UTC)

Chapter review and feedback

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Chapter marks will be available via UCLearn along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

Overall Overall, this is an excellent chapter that successfully uses psychological theory and research to help address a practical, real-world phenomenon or problem. For additional feedback, see the following comments and these copyedits. Overview Well developed, interesting Overview. Clear focus question(s). Some minor aspects of written expression could be improved (e.g., see my edits). Theory — Breadth Relevant theories are very well selected, described, and explained. The chapter doesn't wander off into discussion of irrelevant theory. Theory — Depth Appropriate depth is provided about the selected theory(ies). Key citations are well used. Tables and/or lists are used effectively to help clearly convey key theoretical information. Useful examples are provided to illustrate theoretical concepts. Research — Key findings Relevant research is well reviewed. Research — Critical thinking Critical thinking about research is excellent. Integration Discussion of theory and research is well integrated. Conclusion Well developed. Clear take-home messages. Written expression — Style Written expression Overall, the quality of written expression is very good to excellent. Avoid directional referencing (e.g., "As previously mentioned"). Instead: it is, most often, not needed at all, or use section linking. Layout The chapter is well structured, with major sections using sub-sections. Avoid sections having one sub-section. Adjustments made. Where sections branch into sub-sections, provide an introductory paragraph. Grammar, spelling, and proofreading are excellent. APA style Figures and tables Refer to each Table and Figure using APA style (e.g., do not use italics, check and correct capitalisation). Figures are well captioned. Citations use correct APA style. References use very good APA style. Page numbers should be separated by an en-dash (–) rather than a hyphen (-) Written expression — Learning features Overall, the use of learning features is excellent. Excellent use of embedded in-text interwiki links to Wikipedia articles. No use of embedded in-text links to related book chapters. Embedding in-text links to related book chapters helps to integrate this chapter into the broader book project. Good use of image(s). No use of table(s). Good use of feature box(es). Good use of quiz(zes). Excellent use of case studies or examples. Social contribution ~15 logged, useful, minor to moderate social contributions with direct links to evidence.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 09:15, 2 November 2021 (UTC)

Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's UCLearn site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.

Overall Overall, this is a very good presentation. Overview An opening slide with the title and sub-title is presented and narrated - this helps to clearly convey the purpose of the presentation. Briefly explain why this topic is important. Consider asking focus questions that lead to take-away messages. Content Comments about the book chapter also apply to this section. The presentation addresses the topic. An appropriate amount of content is presented - not too much or too little. The presentation is well structured. The presentation makes excellent use of relevant psychological theory. The presentation makes very good use of relevant psychological research. Narrate and briefly explain the torture method examples - or leave out and highlight examples for each of the torture motivations. Conclusion A Conclusion slide is presented with excellent take-home message(s). Audio The presentation makes good use of narrated audio. Audio communication is well paced. Consider improving articulation to enhance the clarity of speech. Audio recording quality was excellent. Video Overall, visual display quality is very good. The presentation makes effective use of text and image based slides. Some of the font size should be larger to make it easier to read. The slides are visually too busy (hard to read and listen). The visual communication is effectively supplemented by images. The presentation is well produced using simple tools. Meta-data The chapter title and sub-title are used in the name of the presentation - this helps to clearly convey the purpose of the presentation. A brief written description of the presentation is provided. Consider expanding. Links to and from the book chapter are provided. Licensing Image sources and their copyright status are communicated. Ideally, provide clickable links to the original image sources (e.g., in the description). A copyright license for the presentation is provided.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 09:14, 16 November 2021 (UTC)