Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2020/Voyeurism motivation

Heading casing

FYI, the convention on Wikiversity is for lower-cased headings (or sentence casing). For example, use: ==Cats and dogs== rather than ==Cats and Dogs== -- Jtneill - Talk - c 10:47, 20 August 2020 (UTC)

Initial feedback

• Top-level heading structure looks good/makes sense
• I've moved the image into a section. No need for citation. As per Tutorial 3, the image can be clicked to show all the relevant meta-data, license, author etc.
• Consider using bullet-points (~3 per section) to communicate a plan for the chapter

Sincerely, James -- Jtneill - Talk - c 07:31, 24 August 2020 (UTC)

@U3091402: A couple of other suggestions:

• Looks like this is shaping up really well.
• Include at least one bullet-point to introduce each section.
• Consider possibly including a case study.

Sincerely, James -- Jtneill - Talk - c 10:22, 30 August 2020 (UTC)

Feedback

Interesting topic! Reading through, it could be worthwhile to include the difference between 'normal' voyeurism (i.e. watching reality shows) and pathological voyeurism, and how it's assessed. --U3037228 (discuss • contribs) 08:07, 30 August 2020 (UTC)

Feedback

Maybe consider watching the new Documentary Voyeur on netflix, wich gives a real example of someone who is and was a voyeur https://www.radiotimes.com/news/2017-11-29/netflixs-intensely-creepy-documentary-voyeur-will-scare-you-away-from-motels-forever/ --Oscar3176498 (discuss • contribs) 22:58, 30 September 2020 (UTC)

Topic development feedback

The topic development has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing the chapter plan. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Topic development marks are available via UCLearn. Note that marks are based on what was available before the due date, whereas the comments may also be based on all material available at time of providing this feedback.

Title and sub-title Good Sub-title has been corrected to be consistent with the book table of contents - but "voyeuristic behaviour" instead of "voyeurism" is an option - if you want this changed, just let me know. User page Created Minimal, but sufficient About me Very basic description about self provided Consider linking to your eportfolio page and/or any other professional online profile such as LinkedIn. This is not required, but it can be useful to interlink your professional networks. Link provided to book chapter Social contribution Use a numbered list. Summarised with direct link(s) to evidence. Section headings Well developed 3-level heading structure, with meaningful headings that directly relate to the core topic. See earlier comment about Heading casing. Sections which include sub-sections should also include an overview paragraph (which doesn't need a separate heading) before branching into the sub-headings. Key points Key points are very well developed for each section, with relevant citations. Image Excellent Cite each figure at least once in the main text References Very very good. Some very minor deviations for some references from full APA style. Resources Excellent I've made some minor improvements

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 08:17, 14 September 2020 (UTC)

Chapter review and feedback

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Chapter marks will be available later via UCLearn, along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

Overall Overall, this chapter does a good job of applying psychological theory and research to a real-world problem. The main areas for potential improvement is to expand the dot points into full paragraphs. The Overview is reasonably engaging and introduces voyeurism, but doesn't really touch on the motivations for voyeurism. Focus questions are well guided. For additional feedback, see the following comments and these copyedits. Theory Relevant theories are well selected, described, integrated, and explained. Did you consult sources such as Freud (1938)? If not, they should be cited as a secondary source. Research Relevant research is well reviewed and discussed in relation to theory. Written expression Written expression Overall, the quality of written expression is good. It could be improved by writing more of the content in paragraph rather than bullet-point format. When discussing past research, it should be in past tense. When discussing the implications of past research, it should be in the present tense. Avoid one sentence paragraphs. A paragraph should typically consist of three to five sentences. Many of the bullet-points should have been in full paragraph format. Layout The chapter is well structured, with major sections using sub-sections. Sections which include sub-sections should also include an introductory paragraph (which doesn't need a separate heading) before branching into the sub-headings. Learning features Excellent use of embedded in-text interwiki links to Wikipedia articles. No use of embedded in-text links to related book chapters. Excellent use of image(s). No use of table(s). Good use of feature box(es). Excellent use of quiz(zes). The quiz questions could be more effective as learning prompts by being embedded as single questions within each corresponding section rather than being presented as a set of questions at the end. Grammar The grammar for some sentences could be improved (e.g., see the tags). Check and make correct use of commas. [1]. Check and correct use of semi-colons (;) and colons (:). Check and correct use of ownership apostrophes (e.g., individuals vs. individual's vs individuals'). Proofreading Check and correct capitalisation for proper nouns (e.g., facebook -> Facebook). APA style Figures and tables Refer to each Table and Figure using APA style (e.g., do not use full-stop). Citations are not in full APA style. For example: Check and correct when to use commas and "and/&" (use ampersand (&) inside brackets and "and" outside brackets). If there are three or more authors, cite the first author followed by et al., then year. For example, either: in-text, Smith et al. (2020), or in parentheses (Smith et al., 2020) References use good APA style. Areas for potential improvement: Check and correct use of capitalisation. Check and correct use of italicisation. Retrieved from is not used for APA style 7th ed. Add spaces between author initials. Social contribution ~13 logged, mostly minor, social contributions with direct links to evidence. Whilst well intended, unfortunately many of the contributions used incorrect APA style.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 21:13, 17 November 2020 (UTC)

Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's UCLearn site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.

Overall Overall, this is an excellent presentation. Structure and content An appropriate amount of content is presented - not too much or too little. The presentation is well structured. The presentation makes excellent use of theory. The presentation makes good use of research. The presentation makes good use of one or more examples or case studies. A Conclusion slide is presented with a take-home message(s). Communication The presentation is fun, easy to follow, and interesting to watch and listen to. Well paced. Excellent greater intonation and articulation enhances listener interest and engagement. The font size is sufficiently large to make it easy to read. The visual communication is makes excellent use of supplemental images. Production quality The video is very well produced. Use the chapter title and sub-title in the name of the video and on the opening slide. Audio recording quality was excellent/very good/good/a bit quiet - probably an on-board microphone was used because keyboard clicks were audible. Consider using an external microphone. Visual display quality was excellent/very good/good/basic. Mute the music during narration to help the viewer concentrate on the combination of visual information and narrated audio. Image sources and their copyright status are provided. A copyright license for the presentation is provided in the video description but not in the meta-data. A link to the book chapter is provided. A link from the book chapter is provided. A written description of the presentation is not provided.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 01:17, 22 November 2020 (UTC)