I would suggest separating the extrinsic and intrinsic motivation content with subheadings (E.g. subheadings being: Intrinsic motivations of Religious Beliefs and then Extrinsic motivations of Religious Beliefs with the overall heading being Extrinsic and Intrinsic Motivations)
U3191761 (discuss • contribs) 07:07, 30 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I would suggest placing your focus questions as dot points as well as adding a heading stating 'focus questions' so it is clear for a reader why the questions are there --U3187381 (discuss • contribs) 11:14, 16 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The topic development has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing the chapter plan. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Topic development marks are available via UCLearn. Note that marks are based on what was available before the due date, whereas the comments may also be based on all material available at time of providing this feedback.
Add more direct links to evidence. To do this: View the page history, select the version of the page before and after your contributions, click "compare selected revisions", and then use this website address as a direct link to evidence for listing on your user page. For more info, see Making and summarising social contributions.
Sections which include sub-sections should also include an overview paragraph (which doesn't need a separate heading) before branching into the sub-headings.
Social contributions removed (present on user page)
There is no particular need to focus on specific religions (the topic/question doesn't require this), although som individual religions or types of religions may provide useful examples or case studies.
The proposed structure is theory strong - which is, in general, a very good idea. But possibly the plan has too much theoretical territory to cover- it may be better to better more selected on focus on no more than a maximum of about three theories, and to cover these in more depth.
Avoid over/unnecessary capitalisation
Avoid overuse of direct quotations - better to use your own words. Direct quotes need page numbers (APA style).
Check and correct use of APA style for citations.
There is some good development of a plan for earlier sections, but latter sections have less planning; conclusion is not planned out.
There is limited evidence that empirical evidence about the topic has been identified or integrated.
Include more in-text interwiki links for the first mention of key terms to relevant Wikipedia articles and/or to other relevant book chapters.
Consider including more examples/case studies.
Use autonumbered lists rather than manually numbering
This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Chapter marks will be available later via UCLearn, along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.
Overall, this chapter does a reasonable job of applying psychological theory and research to a real-world problem.
This chapter is well over the maximum word count. One way to reduce word count is to remove unnecessary words (e.g., "highly interesting" could simply be "interesting").
There was no need or requirement for the book chapter to be based around the three Abrahamic religions of Islam, Christianity and Judaism. This was not part of the original question - it is a detour . Case studies/examples from these religions could be used, but should not be exclusive.
There is too much preamble about religion. Abbreviate and cut to the chase (i.e., the sub-title question). Same story with general background about motivation.
For additional feedback, see following comments and these copyedits.
Some relevant research is discussed in relation to theory. This could be strengthened by emphasising major reviews (e.g., meta-analyses and systematic reviews) related to the target topic.
When describing important research findings, consider including a bit more detail about the methodology and indicating the size of effects in addition to whether or not there was an effect or relationship.
Overall, the quality of written expression is good.
The chapter benefited from a well developed Overview, although it may be too ambitious (hence contributing to being over the word count). Stay focused to addressing the target question and only the target question.
Direct quotes are overused. It is better to communicate a concept in your own words.
Use third person perspective rather than first person (e.g., "we") or second person (e.g., "you") perspective[1].
The chapter benefits from a well developed Overview and Conclusion.
Layout
The chapter is well structured, with major sections using sub-sections. However, the structure is probably overly long, contributing to being over the word count. Be more selective.
Learning features
For numbered lists, use Wikiversity formatting per Tutorial 1.
Good use of embedded interwiki links to Wikipedia articles. Adding more interwiki links for the first mention of key words and technical concepts would help to make the text even more interactive.
No use of in-text embedded links to related book chapters. Embedding links to related book chapters helps to integrate this chapter into the broader book project.
Basic use of quizzes. Could be improved by more closely aligning the questions with the take-away conclusions
The quiz questions could be more effective as learning prompts by being embedded as single questions within each corresponding section rather than being presented as a set of questions at the end.
Good use of case studies but these could be abbreviated to reduce overall word count.
Use bullet-points and numbered lists, per Tutorial 1.
The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's UCLearn site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.
Comments about the book chapter also largely apply to this section.
An appropriate amount of content is presented - not too much or too little.
The selection of content could be scrutinised - e.g., the reference to COVID-19 wasn't particularly useful in terms of addressing the sub-title question.
Consider adding and narrating an Overview slide (e.g., with focus questions), to help orientate the viewer about what will be covered.
The presentation makes basic use of theory.
The presentation makes basic use of research.
The presentation makes basic use of one or more examples or case studies or practical advice.
The presentation could be improved by making more use of examples or case studies.
What are the practical take-home message(s) that we can use to help improve our everyday lives based on the best available psychological theory and research about this topic?
The presentation makes basic use of animated slides with narrated audio.
Well paced. Excellent pauses between sentences. This helps the viewer to cognitively digest the information that has just been presented before moving on to the next point.
Hi there, I think this is a great book chapter. However, I found the case studies section to be quite wordy and lengthy. I think this can easily be fixed though with subheadings. U3185242 (discuss • contribs) 15:50, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
