Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2019/Voyeurism motivation

Comments

This looks like such an interesting topic! I am really looking forward to reading the final product! I would consider adding in a case study just to back up any findings.

Maybe consider adding a few more pictures, as well as referring to them in your text. Really look forward to reading the final product!

Heading casing

FYI, the convention on Wikiversity is for lower-cased headings (or sentence casing). For example, use: ==Cats and dogs== rather than ==Cats and Dogs== -- Jtneill - Talk - c 09:26, 27 September 2019 (UTC)

Topic development feedback

The topic development has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing the chapter plan. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Topic development marks are available via UCLearn. Note that marks are based on what was available before the due date, whereas the comments may also be based on all material available at time of providing this feedback.

Title and sub-title No title or sub-title User page Created Add link to book chapter Social contribution One summarised with link. But the comment is pretty inane - provide more substance. Section headings Basic, 1-level heading structure - could benefit from further development, perhaps using a more considered 2-level structure. Avoid having sections with 1 sub-heading - use 0 or 2+ sub-headings. See earlier comment about Heading casing. Avoid providing too much background information (e.g., history). Instead, briefly summarise generic concepts and provide internal wiki links to further information. Then the focus of most of the content can be on directly answering the core question(s) posed by the chapter sub-title. Key points Reasonably well developed Conclusion is missing - make sure everything ties back into a cogent summary answer to the focus questions Include in-text interwiki links for the first mention of key terms to relevant Wikipedia articles. Consider including more examples/case studies. Consider embedding one quiz question per major section rather than having one longer quiz towards the end. Image Provided, with an APA style caption Cite each figure at least once in the main text. References Adopt a single referencing style - APA style or wiki style. For full APA style: Use correct capitalisation Use correct italicisation Do not include issue numbers for journals which are continuously numbered within a volume Resources Content OK Formatting messy - see past chapter examples

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 09:26, 27 September 2019 (UTC)

Chapter review and feedback

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Chapter marks will be available later via UCLearn Canvas, along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

Overall Overall, this is a promising but insufficient chapter mainly due to the lack of academic quality in referencing theory and research and a lack of professionalism in the quality of written expression. Addressing the topic development feedback could have helped to improve this chapter. Title and sub-title were missing; now added. Overview - consider adding focus questions, a case study, and an image. There is a lack of sufficient use of academic psychological literature. The chapter relies too heavily on citing dictionaries, encyclopedias, and secondary sources such as websites. These sources can be used to supplement core academic referencing but not to replace consulting of the best available psychological literature on the topic. For additional feedback, see comments below and these copyedits. Theory Basic coverage of theory involving the relation between the target constructs is provided. Avoid using dictionaries as sources; instead use primary, peer-reviewed references. Research Overall, this chapter makes insufficient use of research. It is claimed the studies are being released regularly (2006), but none of these are reviewed . When describing important research findings, consider including a bit more detail about the methodology and indicate the size of effects in addition to whether or not there was an effect or relationship. Greater emphasis on major reviews and/or meta-analyses would be helpful. Written expression Written expression Overall, the quality of written expression is below professional standard, mainly due to poor grammar. Use third person perspective rather than first person (e.g., "we") or second person (e.g., "you") perspective. Internationalise: Write for an international, not just a domestic audience. Australians make up only 0.32% of the world human population. Layout See earlier comments about heading casing. Avoid having sections with a single sub-section. Sections which include sub-sections should also include an introductory paragraph (which doesn't need a separate heading) before branching into the sub-headings. Learning features For numbered lists, use Wikiversity formatting per Tutorial 1. No use of interwiki links to Wikipedia articles. Adding interwiki links for the first mention of key words would make the text more interactive. No use of embedded links to related book chapters (such as on stalking). Embedding interwiki links links to related book chapters helps to integrate this chapter into the broader book project. Good use of images. No use of tables. No use of feature boxes. Basic use of quizzes. The quiz questions could be more effective as learning prompts by being embedded as single questions within each corresponding section rather than being presented as a set of questions at the end. Good use of case studies. Consider presenting one or more case studies earlier in the chapter to help provide the reader with a practical example to assist in understanding the theory and research. Grammar The grammar for many sentences could be improved (e.g., see the tags). Use serial commas[1] - it is part of APA style and generally recommended by grammaticists. Check and make correct use of commas. Check and correct use of ownership apostrophes (e.g., individuals vs. individual's vs individuals').[2]. Proofreading More proofreading is needed to fix typos and bring the quality of written expression closer to a professional standard (e.g., add a full stop at the end of a sentence; add a space after a full stop; replace double-spaces with single spaces). APA style Direct quotes need page numbers. Figures and tables Refer to each Table and Figure at least once within the main text (e.g., see Figure 1). Provide more detailed Figure captions to help connect the figure to the text. Citations are not in full APA style. For example: Do not include author initials. References are not in full APA style. For example: The references seem to spread between References and External links; consolidate. Check and correct use of capitalisation. Check and correct use of italicisation. See new doi format. Social contribution ~6 logged social contributions without descriptive summaries or direct links to evidence

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 21:35, 13 November 2019 (UTC)

Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's Canvas site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.

Overall Overall, this is a very basic, insufficient presentation. Consider emphasising the question (i.e., the sub-title) and focus questions as a guide to what will be covered by the presentation. Structure and content Appropriate amount of content covered. Potentially less could be covered to allow more scope for examples. Note that voyeurism in and of itself is not a disorder, although it could become a disorder in some cases. Be careful not to overpathologise. Target an international audience (e.g., explain context for localised content such as the legality slide). Add and narrate an Overview slide, to help orientate the viewer about what will be covered. A Conclusion slide is presented, however the take-home message(s) are quite vague and not easy to implement in one's every day life. Communication The presentation uses a very basic approach - narrated plain text slides. Reasonably well paced. Consider using greater intonation to enhance listener interest and engagement. Some of the font size should be larger to make it easier to read. The visual communication could be improved by including some relevant images. Production quality Use the chapter title and sub-title on the opening slide and in the name of the video because this helps to match the book chapter and to clearly convey the purpose of the presentation. Audio and video recording quality was reasonable; the audio was a bit crackly in places. A copyright license for the presentation is not provided. A link to the book chapter is not provided. A link from the book chapter is provided. A very brief written description of the presentation is provided.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 10:56, 15 November 2019 (UTC)