Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2016/Narcoterrorism motivation

Comments

Hi,

Your topic sounds fascinating and I thought I would offer a suggestion to consider including a case study on Claudia Ochoa Felix. She is a Mexican cartel boss and is known as the 'Kim Kardashian of organised crime' due to her looks and love of posting selfies on social media. In particular her signature pink AK47, pictures of piles of money and armed bodyguards. The use of social media to glorify narcoterrorism is also an interesting angle that you could cover. Check out this news story and also the Wikipedia page on Propaganda in the Mexican Drug War https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Propaganda_in_the_Mexican_Drug_War. http://www.news.com.au/technology/online/social/claudia-ochoa-felix-fears-the-kim-kardashian-of-crime-could-spark-drug-gang-war/news-story/744a404b09765a6bbc107ed0afe9f60d

There was also an interesting article in June Marie Claire on Claudia and use of social media by drug cartels. Good luck with your page. --BecNorton (discuss • contribs) 07:26, 16 September 2016 (UTC)

References

Hi, your chapter is on a very interesting topic, and I like the way you have brought in Pablo Escobar to highlight the topic. I noticed that you had a few direct quotes without referenced page numbers in your chapter. For example, the first paragraph under The current issue. You chapter might also benefit from reducing the table of contents and possibly wrapping some of drug trafficking headings under a main heading of 'History'. U109993 (discuss • contribs) 04:49, 18 October 2016 (UTC)

Hi there,

I fixed some of the APA formatting in your reference list. I noticed that there were heaps of random spaces between words and a bunch of the doi's looked like they were http doi's. Meaning that a lot of them were like this: org/10.5811/westjem.2012.3.11792, which happens when you dont remove the http://dx.doi.org/ from the original http://dx.doi.org/10.5811/westjem.2012.3.11792. For correct formatting only use the part of the doi from where the digits start. I've adjusted them all for you, which should make life easier.

If you didn't want this, you can go into contributions, in the top right hand corner and there should be a line with Muzz attached to it. From there, you can restore that version of the chapter.

Cheers, --Muzz2016 (discuss • contribs) 04:04, 14 October 2016 (UTC)

Proof read and grammar edit

Hey,

I've read through half of your chapter and really like the progression of content. It's logical and each section flows really well into the next.

I've read up to the beginning of the Rational choice theory section and edited for grammar; I've also restructured some sentences.

I also noticed there were heaps of double spaces between sentences. I didn't know whether you wanted these, or its formatting issue (so I left them in), as it looks like you've copied the chapter from a word document and put it online. Another thing I noticed is a lot of sentences which portray ideas that aren't your own, are not supported with references...

I noticed in the moodle forum that you were looking to trim down your word count. One suggestion could be to combine the overview sections in your theory sections with its relation to narco-terrorism. Another would be to remove some the quotes you have and make one quote that you really like, bold and in quote marks. This way you can portray an important idea and trim the word count. You could also remove that first introduction part, it doesnt add much to overall beginning section.

Also noticed you haven't logged your social contributions. See the 'recording social contributions' post in moodle.

Anyways hope this was helpful, and if you dont like the edits you can undo my changes in the view history or contributions tabs.

Cheers, --Muzz2016 (discuss • contribs) 05:53, 18 October 2016 (UTC)

Assessment criteria

Hey,

This is shaping up to be a really good article on an interesting topic. I'll try not to echo what other people have said, so sorry for adding to your list of things to do (except double spacing between sentences is optional in APA6, so that's one less thing to do)..

• The assessment criteria is based on roughly 30% theory, 30% research (my interpretation is experimental research) and 30% on style. At the moment your introduction is around 1800 words. It doesn't include a focus on motivation theory or research, so you end up bleeding over into marks you could get for theory and research. I think it's worth removing around 500 words from your introduction, which is fascinating, but you don't get marks. So it would be worth using them on Theory and Research.
  • The current issue and problem statement could be merged. They're also really good introductions to the topic!! So it could be worth putting that first.
  • Consider merging Introduction, Overview, History of Narco-Terrorism, Drug market, Drug trade and terrorist organisations under a single heading (like history // or why it's important), with multiple sub headings.
• It would be good to focus slightly more on the link with terrorism, what makes it narco-terrorism? Do the activities of Pablo fall into terrorism?
• There isn't an Australian National Security Agency, but there are various Australian national security agencies. Attorney General's Department is responsible for drafting legislation and offer a good definition of terrorism see here.
• I don't really know how aggressively this will be reviewed, but the Book Chapter should "consider how an aspect of psychological theory and research knowledge can be used to help people live more effective motivational and emotional lives." So it's worth making this link to your article clear.
• Related to the above point, a lot of people think terrorism is far from them, especially narco-terrorism. So why is it important? Does it change every day living? Perhaps this links back to your introduction too.
• Every idea also needs to be cited, unless it's general knowledge (unattributed reference in 5? other articles)... (Yes, I can't easily cite that!)

Sorry.. I really think you have a good article here, but moving some key things around the emphasising different bits will help!

Tristan TristanMM (discuss • contribs) 06:52, 18 October 2016 (UTC)

Heading casing

FYI, the convention on Wikiversity is for lower-cased headings. For example, use: ==Cats and dogs== rather than ==Cats and Dogs== -- Jtneill - Talk - c 21:37, 23 October 2016 (UTC)

Addressing the marking criteria

User:Chot24, from a quick look, it appears that the current draft is relatively heavy on describing narcoterrorism and relatively light on explaining how psychological theory and research can help to address the issue. So, it could be helpful to compare the content against the marking criteria before submitting. Sincerely, James -- Jtneill - Talk - c 21:40, 23 October 2016 (UTC)

Chapter review and feedback

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Chapter marks will be available later via Moodle, along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

Overall This is a problematic chapter primarily because it tends to overemphasise history and politics and tends to underemphasise the relevance and application ocpsychological theory and research. The first half of the chapter should be considerably abbreviated because it is background info not directly relevant to addressing the topic (it is mostly unnecessary "padding"), with links to relevant sources for more information. Rather than focus on narco-terrorism as a psychological phenomenon, this chapter tends to focus on the historical actions of particular individuals which gives the chapter limited scope to address the underlying questions, although it does serve to provide some interesting examples. This chapter doesn't really explain why narco-terrorism motivation warrants a unique focus (as opposed to terrorism motivation in general). The chapter also doesn't link to and build on previous chapter(s) about terrorism motivation. For more feedback see these copyedits and the comments below. Theory In the Overview, establish why/how the topic relates to psychological theory and research about motivation. The way this topic is currently set up in the Overview, it is not clear how it relates to the book theme. The article is relatively heavy on history and politics, but relatively light on psychological theory. Abbreviate the historical background. This would allow more space to apply psychological theories to the specific topic in more detail. Research Relatively little research is discussed; the chapter relies mostly on historical examples. Some statements were unreferenced (e.g., see the tags) When describing important research studies, provide some indication of the nature of the method. When discussing important research findings, indicate the size of effects in addition to whether or not there was an effect or relationship. Written expression Written expression Avoid colloquialisms e.g., notorious, whopping etc. Write for an international, not an Australian, audience. Write in third person rather than first person (e.g., avoid "I', "we", "our", "your" etc.). Some clarification templates have been added to the page. The Conclusion could be improved by providing some more concrete, take-home messages. Layout See earlier comments about heading casing Learning features The chapter makes some use of interwiki links to Wikipedia articles, but there are relatively few links to related psychological concepts. Add Interwiki links (e.g., to relevant Wikipedia articles and other Wikiversity book chapters) to make the text more interactive. Quiz questions could be used to encourage reader engagement. Spelling Use Australian spelling (some general examples are hypothesize -> hypothesise; behavior -> behaviour). Spelling could be improved - see the tags. Grammar and proofreading The grammar of some sentences could be improved (e.g., see the tags). APA style Use APA style for table and figure captions. There is a notable lack of citation of primary psychological theory and research sources. The reference list is not in full APA style.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 08:24, 9 November 2016 (UTC)

Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's Moodle site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.

Overall Overall, this is a well prepared and executed presentation. Structure and content Overview Simple, effective. Selection and organisation Well selected content - not too much or too little. Well structured. Theory was well covered. Basic coverage of research. Included citations and references. Conclusion Simple, effective. Communication Audio Well narrated. Use third person perspective. Varied intonation added interest and engagement. Audio is clear and well-paced. Visuals Simple, effective, mostly text with some images. Visuals are well prepared, clear, and easy to read. Production quality Overall, well produced. Meta-data Well titled. Link to the book chapter provided. Minimal but sufficient use of the Description field. Audio recording quality Good Keyboard clicks audible - consider using an external microphone to improve audio recording quality. Image/video recording quality Effective use of simple tools. Licensing A copyright license for the presentation is correctly shown in at least one location. Creative Commons. The copyright licenses and sources of the images used are not indicated - there may have been copyright violation unless you own the copyright to the images used.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 08:56, 22 November 2016 (UTC)