Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2014/Obesity treatment and needs

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Minor changes and suggestions[edit source]

Contribution from u3082340

Hello! Great topic - Definitely one that fits in with the theme of the book. Noticed some minor spelling errors and grammatical things you may have missed and fixed them up for you. Also noticed that there are some sentences/ points without a reference at the end - Might wanna just go over that to double check all of that! Also - You do make reference to The Drive Theory - But perhaps make it a link within the chapter so people can have a look? Goodluck!

u3082340 (discusscontribs)

great topic[edit source]

Such an interesting topic! As a public health student, I'm looking forward to reading this chapter. --U3072703 (discusscontribs) 00:45, 17 September 2014 (UTC)

Possible References[edit source]

I came across these articles when searching for references for my topic. I haven't actually read them, but on 'title-value' they seem like they may be good for your topic.

1) Sheldon, K. M., Joiner, T., & Williams, G. (2003). Motivating health: Applying Self-Determination Theory in the clinic. NewHaven, CT: Yale Univeristy. 2) Williams, G. C., Rodin, G. C., Ryan, R. M., Grolnick, W. S., & Deci, E. L. (1998). Autonomous regulation and long-term medication adherence in adult outpatients. Health Psychology, 17, 269 -276.

If you havent already found these, I hope they help in some way :)

-- (discuss) 22:52, 26 September 2014 (UTC)

Suggestions[edit source]

This is a very interesting topic! Just a suggestion to put in a table of contents to guide the reader through your chapter and what you will be writing about. Cheers U3081461 (discusscontribs) 03:15, 12 October 2014 (UTC)

This topic is really interesting, i agree with the above comment on including a table of contents, but i'm sure you'll get to that when you add more information. SO far i really like how you have included health care sectors, and have mentioned campaigns such as " how do you measure up" i really look forward to reading this when its complete :) Cheers--U3080857 (discusscontribs) 01:15, 13 October 2014 (UTC)

It looks like your heading in the right direction here, I like the way you use question to encourage the reader to consider these while reading the rest of the chapter. I think it would be good to include a real life example so that the reader might be able to better understand what motivates this behaviour and what motivates people turning to treatment. Great work U3068859 (discusscontribs) 07:34, 20 October 2014 (UTC)

Hi, just wondering if I can help you with the layout or anything? --U3072703 (discusscontribs) 13:04, 25 October 2014 (UTC)

Editing tip - Linking to Wikipedia articles[edit source]

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Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's Moodle site. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener. If you wish to dispute the marks, see the suggested marking dispute process.


Overall[edit source]

  1. Overall, an interesting topic which is of great importance in todays society, well done.

Structure and content[edit source]

  1. This presentation had good inclusion of theory, and related well to obesity. It could be improved by a greater focus on research, as well as an overview and conclusion slide to aid watchers.

Communication[edit source]

  1. The presentation had a good pace and used prezi to create a visually dynamic presentation. For improvement, record the presentation while moving through the presentation so the watcher does not have to direct the slides themselves.

Production quality[edit source]

  1. The visual aspects of the presentation were good, however the sound could be of a higher quality. References and image/copyright licenses were not included, thus this presentation likely violates copyright law.

Courtney.Bruce (discusscontribs) 03:36, 23 November 2014 (UTC)

Chapter review and feedback

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Chapter marks will be available later via Moodle, along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

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Overall[edit source]

  1. This chapter is commendable for aiming at discussing a unique topic - comparing and contrasting obesity treatment approaches from a needs point of view. However, the execution currently exhibits some serious flaws. For more feedback, see my copyedits and comments below.

Theory[edit source]

  1. The chapter focuses on Australian data, but there is nothing in the title or subtitle about the chapter having an Australia focus. Thus, either the title needs revision or the chapter needs revision
  2. BMI is controversial - why? (explain)
    1. Add the BMI criteria for overweight, obese etc. and explain these categories
    2. What are the problems with BMI? What are the alternative measures?
  3. The material about "needs" needs to be rewritten to more closely related to the purpose/focus of the chapter.
    1. Expand discussion about treatments for obesity and their relative efficacy.

Research[edit source]

  1. Many statements were unreferenced - see the [factual?] tags
  2. When describing important research findings, indicate the size of effects in addition to whether or not there was an effect or relationship.
  3. There was an overreliance on non-peer reviewed sources. Ideally, access are use the top peer-reviewed citations related to the topic

Written expression[edit source]

    1. The quality of written expression needs to be improved - currently it is unsatisfactory. For example, see the [Rewrite to improve clarity], [explain?], [why?] and [grammar?] tags
    2. Some sentences were overly long e.g., "However these methods if done in such a way that is not conforming to other motivational theories, like flow and goal setting, then they may be quite ineffective, and cause people to use restraint release as they may have underestimated the biological urge, have conflicting / inappropriate or inconsistent standards, possibly not monitoring their behaviour, and becoming overwhelmed or distracted which can be detrimental to the weight loss efforts."
    3. Obtaining (earlier) comments on a chapter plan and/or chapter draft could have helped to improve the chapter.
  1. Learning features
    1. Adding interwiki links would make the text more interactive.
    2. Approximately a dozen images are used; their value could be enhanced by providing more descriptive captions.
  2. Spelling, grammar and proofreading
    1. Check use of ownership apostrophes
    2. The grammar in many sentences could be improved - see the [grammar?] tags
  3. APA style
    1. Check use of et al. (e.g., (Astrup, et al. 2004) -> (Astrup et al. 2004))
    2. Did you directly consult the source by Clark Hull (1945)? If not, don't cite it.
    3. There is an overreliance on a textbook source (Reeve, 2009)
    4. Citations are in basic APA style; to improve, use italics and remove issue numbers for seriated journals.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 01:19, 24 November 2014 (UTC)