Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2016/Ideological motivation and violent crime

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Comments[edit source]

Hi, just reading through your chapter, which is coming together well. A note though, your references are not yet in APA format (e.g. Maehr, Martin L; Mayer, Heather, 1997 - Elliot, Andrew J; Covington, Martin, 2001). Assuming you are aware and that this may be because you are still working through so I did not change anything - but would hate to see you miss these before submitting. Also, under violent crimes you may want to make this stand out more by using bold or possibly a table. U109993 (discusscontribs) 21:23, 22 October 2016 (UTC)


here are some wikipedia pages to help you get underway

cheers, --Muzz2016 (discusscontribs) 23:31, 16 September 2016 (UTC)Muzz2016


Hi, really interested in seeing the end product of your chapter, interesting topic. A few journal articles I found that include different assesment tools for professionals and the ideology of hate crimes. Hopefully they may add to your research. Best of luck with the chapter. (discusscontribs) 18:38, 12 October 2016 (UTC)

some suggestions to improve the flow of the whole chapter[edit source]

Hello, I like your way of using a quote to open up your topic, it would be better if you could elaborate further on this quote, eg, connecting this quote with the topic you are presenting. Also, you used Freud's theory to explain why people commit crime, and according to Freud, people have a highly developed superego experiencing excessive guilt and by committing crimes, this guilt can be released. I find this is hard to understand, more elaboration will be good. In 'what is motivation', you have talked about a number of theories, eg, drive, instinct theory, etc, and in the next section, you also talked about theory of motivation, I find it's a bit overlapping, if combining the two into one section would improve the flow of the whole book chapter.(u3121927)--U3121927 (discusscontribs) 07:55, 17 October 2016 (UTC)

theoretical direction for terrorism as a part of ideological motivation and violent crime[edit source]

Hey, I was reading the Reeve textbook for class today (chapter 15) and saw a section that you may find interesting, especially on the motivation side of things.

In chapter 15: p.451-452, there is a section on evil, which debates if evil is inherent in human nature, discussing the nature of malevolence and benevolence in human nature....

Anyway, there are few paragraphs which you may find interesting (p.452, half way down the page). This is a quote from the textbook: "Underlying the act of terrorism there is typically a social component (desire to be a part of group), an emotional component (many terrorists are recruited by first being shown films of atrocities being committed against the community), and the ideological component (a set of beliefs that condone violence for the sake of the in-group). It is the ideological component that serves as the person's acquired malevolent value system."

From this, the next section is about the role of positive psychology and indicators of happiness, wellbeing optimism etc. This could be a good way to transition from what makes a terrorist, to how we can solve the underlying problems.

Cheers, --Muzz2016 (discusscontribs) 03:42, 19 October 2016 (UTC)

Hey, I like the content in your chapter and it looks as though you are on the right track. I would suggest breaking up the text a little with some interactive components, to increase the level of engagement with the reader. Also I think adding some links to Wiki pages throughout the text, would assist in clarifying some of the terminology. Hopefully these suggestions are helpful and best of luck finishing off the chapter :) --U3090066 (discusscontribs) 18:44, 21 October 2016 (UTC)

Heading casing[edit source]

Crystal Clear app ktip.svg
FYI, the convention on Wikiversity is for lower-cased headings. For example, use:

==Cats and dogs==

rather than

==Cats and Dogs==

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 20:50, 21 October 2016 (UTC)

APA style for citations[edit source]

Check/correct APA style for citations. -- Jtneill - Talk - c 22:13, 21 October 2016 (UTC)

Chapter review and feedback

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Chapter marks will be available later via Moodle, along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

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Overall[edit source]

  1. Overall, this is a basic chapter which doesn't successfully apply psychological theory and research to the problem.
  2. For more feedback see these copyedits and the comments below.
  3. Feel free to make ongoing changes to the chapter if you wish to address any of these comments or make other improvements.

Theory[edit source]

  1. Overview
    1. Too vague/brief.
    2. Explain why the topic is important.
    3. Consider including focus questions.
    4. Consider including an example or case study.
  2. Body
    1. Abbreviate the general theoretical material (e.g., less about motivation, violent crime, motivations for crime, ideology etc. as separate, stand-alone concepts) and provide references and links to further information. This will allow more space to apply the theories to the specific topic in more detail. This is the first sentence that tackles the topic: "Ideologies play a role in why people choose to commit a violent crime and especially why they choose to commit murder or several homicides." and its well over half way into the chapter. There is also more content on the motivations for terrorism as opposed to ideological motivation for violent crime. So, less beating around the bush/padding, and more focus on the target substances would be ideal.
    2. extrinsic vs intrinsic motivation, SDT and drive theory is discussed in general but is not clearly applied to the topic/problem. Frowny.svg
    3. Some examples of violent crime are provided.
  3. Conclusion
    1. Weak; offer a succint summary and emphasise take-away messages that relate to the book theme.

Research[edit source]

  1. Minimal review and description of relevant research.
  2. Some statements are unreferenced (e.g., see the [factual?] tags)
  3. When describing important research studies, provide some indication of the nature of the method.
  4. When discussing important research findings, indicate the size of effects in addition to whether or not there was an effect or relationship.

Written expression[edit source]

  1. Written expression
    1. For academic writing in psychology, such as this book chapter, write in third person rather than first (e.g., avoid "I', "we", "our") or second (e.g., "you", "your" etc.) person perspective.
    2. Avoid directional referencing (e.g., above, below, as previously mentioned).
    3. Use wiki bullet points (some items are pasted from a word processor without being marked up).
    4. The chapter lacks practical take-home messages.
    5. The quality of written expression could be improved (e.g., see where clarification templates such as [Rewrite to improve clarity], [explain?], [say what?], and [vague] may have been added to the page).
  2. Structure and headings
    1. See earlier comments about heading casing
  3. Layout
    1. Some images are used, but the chapter could be improved by adding APA style captions.
    2. Tables and Figures should be referred to in the main text.
  4. Integration with other chapters
    1. Basic integration with other chapters is evident.
    2. Much more integration is possible (e.g., see Category:Motivation and emotion/Book/Forensic)
  5. Learning features
    1. Some use of interwiki links to relevant Wikipedia articles - more could be added.
    2. Quiz questions are used to encourage reader engagement - they could be improved by focusing more directly on the chapter topic (i.e., IM and VC).
  6. Spelling
    1. Use Australian spelling (some general examples are hypothesize -> hypothesise; behavior -> behaviour).
  7. Grammar and proofreading
    1. The grammar of some sentences could be improved (e.g., see the [grammar?] tags).
    2. Check and correct the use of [1]abbreviations (such as "e.g.," and "i.e.,")].
    3. Check and correct capitalisation at the start of sentences.
    4. Check and correct the use of "&" vs. "and" (Use ampersand (&) inside brackets and "and" outside brackets).
    5. Use abbreviations such as "e.g." inside brackets and "for example" outside brackets.
  8. APA style
    1. Direct quotes need page numbers.
    2. Check and correct the APA style formatting of in-text citations.
    3. Check and correct the APA style for how to report numbers (Numbers under 10 should be written in words (e.g., five); numbers 10 and over should be written in numbers (e.g., 10)).
    4. Remove bullet-points from reference list.
    5. The reference list is not in APA style.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 22:16, 1 December 2016 (UTC)

Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's Moodle site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.


Overall[edit source]

  1. Overall, this is a basic presentation that does not sufficiently address the topic.

Structure and content[edit source]

  1. Overview
    1. Lacking/too brief
    2. Add an Overview slide.
    3. Use the Overview to set up the problem to be solved (the question i.e., the subtitle for the book chapter).
    4. An example could help to set the scene and engage the viewer.
    5. Tell the listener what they will find out about if they watch this presentation.
  2. Selection and organisation
    1. Too much content is presented - be more selective - e.g., work backwards from 3 take-home messages to work out what content needs to be presented - and then focus on only that which is essential to conveying these messages.
    2. Theory rich; research poor.
    3. Comments about selection and focus from book chapter apply - i.e., too much general material and not enough synthesis of theory and research to solve the specific question/problem.
    4. Doesn't clearly address a self-help theme.
    5. Consider using more illustrative examples.
    1. Include citations and references.
    2. Include citations.
    3. Include citations about evidence for claims.
    4. Citations and references are included.
  1. Conclusion
    1. None provided.
    2. Too brief/general - drill down to some practical, take-away messages.
    3. A Conclusion slide summarising the take-home messages / key points could be helpful.
    4. Take-home messages / key points are well summarised.

Communication[edit source]

  1. Audio
    1. Audio narration is too fast to easily comprehend - consider slowing down. See this article for more information about speaking rates.
    2. Leave longer pauses between sentences.
    3. Varied intonation added interest and engagement.
  2. Visuals
    1. Basic - approximately half a dozen text-based slides with some images.
    2. Consider using more slides with less text and larger font on each slide.
    3. Increase font size to make text easier to read; reduce the amount of text.
    4. Too much text is presented; to improve abbreviate and present less text with larger font.
    5. Consider including images, figures, and/or tables.

Production quality[edit source]

  1. Overall, basic production.
  2. Meta-data
    1. Title misspelt. Frowny.svg
    2. Rename the title so that it includes the subtitle (and matches the book chapter).
    3. Add a link to the book chapter.
    4. Fill out the Description field (e.g., brief description of presentation, link back to the book chapter, license details, and possibly include references, image attributions, and/or transcript).
  3. Audio recording quality
    1. Medium low due to some distortion and volume variation.
  4. Image/video recording quality
    1. Sufficient
  5. Licensing
    1. A copyright license for the presentation is not indicated (i.e., in the meta-data or the visual presentation).
    2. The stated license in the description doesn't match the selected youtube license.
    3. A copyright license for the presentation is correctly shown in at least one location. Standard YouTube License.
    4. No images used, so no relevant licenses shown.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 22:26, 1 December 2016 (UTC)