Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2016/Bullying and social needs

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Hello! Really enjoyed reading your chapter - good work. Made some spelling/grammatical changes throughout and also fixed up an in-text reference. U3081523 (discusscontribs) 06:59, 20 October 2016 (UTC)

Hey there,

What a great topic, so helpful and practical. I loved the applicable case study and definitions at the start. Are you covering Cyber bullying at all? could be worth a section? I've included a helpful article : )--U3120626 (discusscontribs) 00:28, 19 October 2016 (UTC)

Hi great work so far. The bold points that you have put underneath the case study example, I thought it might be good to have them listed at the end over your overview section as "The key questions that will be address in this chapter are": then list them as dot points . Also, perhaps you could put a section on internet bullying i.e trolls on Facebook given that it seems to be a common experience by many at the moment. --U3111001 (discusscontribs) 00:22, 19 October 2016 (UTC)

Hi, great chapter. I was thinking maybe you would like to put a disclaimer at the start of the chapter saying "If you are experiencing bullying, please talk to a family member, friend or professional. Contact numbers can be found in the external links" and maybe you can just add a few contact numbers if people are experiencing bullying? Just a thought :) Thanks! --U3062955 (discusscontribs) 00:09, 19 October 2016 (UTC)

Hi, I thought you might like some help with information - I've found a study that looked at the psychological needs of bullies, rather than the social needs, but perhaps you could talk about how the social needs flow from a psychological need? Apparently, needs to acquire help or security from others, and aggression positively predicted cyber bullying and males were more likely to perpetrate it. Here's the url: Good luck --U3083662 (discusscontribs) 08:38, 28 September 2016 (UTC)

Hi again, I have found an interesting research article that hopefully you haven't found already. It relates to the social dynamics that occur around bullying in schools, and has some interesting perspectives on bullying that should hopefully help. Good luck again :) Here's the url for the full-text PDF:

Hi, Interesting topic for your chapter! I was thinking maybe it might be interesting to add a section about how to "de-motivate" (prevent) bullying. I found an interesting article that looks at the moral motivation involved in defending victims against bullying, it also takes a social approach by considering how social status, peer influence, and teacher support influence defending behaviour. The article is called, "Moral motivation in defending classmates victimized by bullying" by Lenka Kollerová, Pavlína Janošová & Pavel ŘíČan. Hope this is helpful, All the best! --U3117275 (discusscontribs) 10:47, 15 October 2016 (UTC)

Hi. I found an interesting article about the impacts of bullying on student relationships. If this article is not something you are really looking for, it does have some interesting references about health related consequences of bullying for the victim and the bully. The Impact of Bullying and Victimization on Students' Relationships by Jannick Demanet & Mieke Van Houtte I hope this helps. --U3119480 (discusscontribs) 15:39, 18 October 2016 (UTC)

Hi! Just read through your chapter and its looking really good! The only things I wanted to add were that I wasn't too sure about the bold for some of the figures/words in one of the sections (this may just be a personal thing). Also, there was a sentence in the section on what motivates bullying behaviour, where the wording was a bit confusing. "Effectively, McClelland considered the link between motivation and action, at a time the study of the two in psychology had been separated." Was gonna change, but I thought i'd run it through you first :) --Jazznicol (discusscontribs) 00:45, 19 October 2016 (UTC)

Direct edits and clear writing[edit]

Hi, I've just read through your chapter and it looks good.

  • Hopefully you don't mind!! I made quite a few changes to the overview section to join your ideas together. I had to Google to check what it's called, but you had quite a few conjunctive adverbs (indeed, however, for example etc) for separate but related points. This pattern is throughout your article so it's worth clearing these up - not a big thing but 30% hangs in the balance :)
  • I also noticed there are quite a few short paragraphs which could be joined together or re-structured so they're longer and flow better..
  • Your topic is what motivates bullying but you've just focused on Needs Theory. It's worth clarifying why you chose that particular social theory over others. I had a bit of a look around to see what other theoretical perspectives exist and there's a good article by Ken Rigby on Theoretical Perspectives and Their Implications (doi 10.1177/0143034304046902). One perspective they take is bullying occurs in response to peer-pressure--social needs of a group, rather than social needs of an individual.
  • I think you might be short on words, but it might be good to point out practical applications -- so what? Perhaps kids can be provided power through different avenues? Or where it's socially accepted like in a game.
  • A friend of mine was reading over my shoulder and freaked out a little reading the opening vignette, so it might be worth adding a small note / warning or disclaimer.

Hopefully this helps! I really like your introduction and how it links back to Needs Theory.

TristanMM (discusscontribs) 09:21, 19 October 2016 (UTC)


Hi Brooke,

If you're looking at cutting down on words, maybe your introductory example could be cut down a little. At the moment, while it certainly has emotional impact upon the reader, it is a little lengthy to get through. Instead you could maybe just talk from the bullied girl's perspective, and you could still produce the same emotional impact. Also, remember to italicise your "figure" sections before you submit to adhere to APA formatting. I would also suggest moving your motivational needs table to below the power needs section, as it acts as a summary and doesn't fit so well at the top. :) --Qt3141 (discusscontribs) 12:51, 19 October 2016 (UTC)

Hi Brooke! Great chapter, it looks very well thought out! A few things, if you're looking to reduce your word count the sections Achievement needs, Affiliation needs & Power needs are really big, dense sections. You could perhaps try to cut some of this down to fit into the word count. And with these sections, maybe try adding some more boxes? It's just very dense and a lot to take in, in these sections! so breaking it up a bit might help the reader comprehend it all :)--U3100166 (discusscontribs) 23:58, 19 October 2016 (UTC)

See also[edit]

I recommend renaming the links in the See also section - I changed the first one as an example. -- Jtneill - Talk - c 07:08, 21 October 2016 (UTC)

Heading casing[edit]

Crystal Clear app ktip.svg
FYI, the convention on Wikiversity is for lower-cased headings. For example, use:

==Cats and dogs==

rather than

==Cats and Dogs==

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 20:48, 21 October 2016 (UTC)


Note that the subtitle doesn't match the book table of contents subtitle - all subtitles are in the form of a question - that way there can be an 'answer'. -- Jtneill - Talk - c 21:20, 21 October 2016 (UTC)

Chapter review and feedback

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Chapter marks will be available later via Moodle, along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

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  1. Overall, this is a solid, well-presented chapter.
  2. For more feedback see these copyedits and the comments below.


  1. The case study was helpful.
  2. Abbreviate definitional material and provide links to more info.
  3. Abbreviate the general theoretical material about McClelland's Needs Theory; instead focus on how these Social Needs help to understand bullying.


  1. Research is well cited.
  2. Abbreviate the prevalence research and research about the consequences of bullying and instead focus on research that relates to the subtitle question.
  3. Was the McClelland (1967) source directly consulted? If not, don't cite it (or use a secondary citation).
  4. When describing important research studies, provide some indication of the nature of the method.
  5. When discussing important research findings, indicate the size of effects in addition to whether or not there was an effect or relationship.

Written expression[edit]

  1. Written expression is generally good.
    1. Write for an international, not just an Australian, audience.
    2. The quality of written expression could be improved (e.g., see where clarification templates such as [Rewrite to improve clarity], [explain?], [say what?], and [vague] may have been added to the page).
    3. The Conclusion could be rewritten to provide concrete, take-home messages.
  2. Layout is excellent.
    1. Tables and/or Figures are used effectively.
  3. Learning features
    1. The chapter makes some use of interwiki links to relevant Wikipedia articles - more could be added.
    2. Quiz questions are used effectively to encourage reader engagement.
  4. Grammar and proofreading
    1. The grammar of some sentences could be improved (e.g., see the [grammar?] tags).
  5. APA style
    1. Use APA style for table and figure captions.
    2. The reference list is not in full APA style.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 03:45, 10 November 2016 (UTC)

Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's Moodle site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.



  1. Overall, this is a basic, but sufficient presentation.

Structure and content[edit]

  1. Overview
    1. Too brief
    2. Use the Overview to set up the problem to be solved (the question i.e., the subtitle for the book chapter).
    3. Tell the listener what they will find out about if they watch this presentation.
  2. Selection and organisation
    1. Well selected content - not too much or too little.
    2. Well structured.
    3. Theory was well covered - perhaps it could be summarised to allow for a richer Overview and Conclusion
    4. Basic coverage of research.
    5. Perhaps consider using more illustrative examples.
    6. Include citations.
    7. Rerences are included.
  3. Conclusion
    1. Too brief.
    2. A Conclusion slide summarising the take-home messages / key points could be helpful.


  1. Audio
    1. Audio is slightly too fast to easily comprehend - consider slowing down and leaving longer pauses between sentences. See this article for more information about speaking rates.
    2. Audio is reasonably clear and well scripted.
  2. Visuals
    1. Basic, reasonably effective use of mainly text-based slides via Prezi.
    2. Remove italics - make text easier to read.
    3. Increase font size - make text easier to read
    4. Consider including more images, figures, and/or tables.

Production quality[edit]

  1. Overall, basic production.
  2. Meta-data
    1. Zoom in on title slide.
    2. Well titled.
    3. A link to the presentation is provided from the first slide, but this is somewhat hidden away - zoom into to it at the beginning and/or end plus put the link in the Description field.
    4. Fill out the description field (e.g., brief description of presentation, link back to the book chapter, and possibly include references, image attributions, and/or transcript).
  3. Audio recording quality
    1. Reasonably good.
    2. Microphone may be a little too close?
    3. Poor due to distortion and low volume.
    4. Medium low due to distortion and volume.
  4. Image/video recording quality
    1. Effective use of simple tools.
  5. Licensing
    1. A copyright license for the presentation is correctly shown in at least one location. Creative Commons.
    2. The copyright licenses and sources of the images used are not indicated - there may have been copyright violation unless you own the copyright to the images used.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 04:12, 22 November 2016 (UTC)