Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2016/Anorexia nervosa and extrinsic motivation

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Comments[edit source]

Hey, this chapter is very well put together! I do feel as though it may be important to mention the subject of trauma and the lack of self-worth because of this, thus, effect this may have on an individual suffering from this devastating mental illness. I must credit you. This illness is extremely complex and difficult to explain as there as so many factors. Each individual suffering has their own reasons. -U3165502

Hi! Great chapter - very informative and written well. In the 'external links' at the bottom, it says 'Life Without Anorexia 1 [1]' I think the 1, in front of [1] can be deleted. Also, if you haven't finished the chapter just be careful to not go over the word limit. Awesome work!. --U3062955 (discusscontribs) 23:53, 18 October 2016 (UTC)

Wow, this chapter is really well done. I honestly can't fault it! Good work! (God I hope this worked! haha)Chot24 (discusscontribs) 02:12, 17 October 2016 (UTC)

Hi there, Just had a read through your chapter. It looks fantastic! Very solid effort. I did notice a couple things that you may want to think about. I'd have a think about if the diagnosis sentence is needed or if you can incorporate it in the above paragraph. Possible Causes - Psychology section - I believe your first sentence statement may need a reference to support your claim that dysfunctional thoughts have been identified. I think you will also need a reference for the Fijian Women study - Double check if it is okay to cite the study in the following sentence. Bee Taylor (discusscontribs) 02:06, 16 October 2016 (UTC)

Everything here looks great, cant wait to read more on this topic. --U3100481 (discusscontribs) 05:24, 31 August 2016 (UTC)

Hey, Content is looking great! If you do need a few extra words, there is a couple of sentences that are a little wordy, which may be beneficial to rephrase if you get closer to the word limit later in the semester. Well done :) HomerIncognito (discusscontribs) 06:21, 13 September 2016 (UTC)

I found it difficult to find articles under search terms "anorexia motivation" so I changed it to 'anorexia aetiology". You might have more luck. I got to article 18 of my second search for peer reviewed journal articles here. (was on main page)

Wow! your chapter looks incredible so far! I am doing mine on death anxiety and through my research I found an article which may be helpful for you. It is titled: Death and annihilation anxieties in anorexia nervosa, bulimia, and self-mutilation. It can be accessed via the university library website using EBSCOhost. if you see page 296 there is a discussion on unresolved grief which may be an interesting concept for you to include in your chapter. Specifically see the bottom paragraph about self-guilt. All the best ! --LeoDean1993 (discusscontribs) 10:01, 2 October 2016 (UTC)

Hi, your chapter is coming together really well. I particularly like the approachable language you have used throughout. It is very easy to read and engaging. Something to consider as you get close to your count (looks like you might be getting close based on my own chapter), is to make sure that you have a good balance between background on anorexia, coverage of motivation theory and how this applies to development of anorexia and research evidence. I know that you still have some of this to complete but you may have to consider focusing more on causes and less on treatment and future directions if you are at the word count. Especially considering that theory is worth 30% of the marks. Something to consider before you devote time to drafting some of the later sections. Good luck with your editing. --BecNorton (discusscontribs) 04:27, 8 October 2016 (UTC)

Hi, Overall, compliments on a great looking chapter so far!! I know you haven't finished yet, but I would like to see more information on co-morbidity and the "pro-anorexia" movement which I feel is definitely a significant factor among individuals. You mention "make one feel safe", possibly related to control over at least one aspect of their life? Good luck for the last week and look forward to reading the end result. --U3090066 (discusscontribs) 20:09, 8 October 2016 (UTC)

Your chapter is very interesting and well structured. Some time back I did a report on eating disorders. I came across a 60 minute story that you may find interesting. --U109993 (discusscontribs) 02:24, 16 October 2016 (UTC)

I love that you put the case study at the beginning of the chapter! It makes it so much more engaging! However, I think you could change this sentence "It is a complex disorder with multiple facets; it has been the focus of extensive psychological research attempting to determine contributing factors, and to establish effective treatments." to "As a complex disorder with multiple facets, it has been..." I think you could put a few more connected pieces into your "See Also" section though! --Cora.boyle (discusscontribs) 04:20, 20 October 2016 (UTC)

Hi there! Reading through your book chapter was so interesting and engaging,m I think overall you have done a wonderful job I really can't fault anything. The only thing i can think of is that be careful that you do not go over the word limit. Seems as though you have quite a lot of words already--Lizzy94 (discusscontribs) 04:44, 22 October 2016 (UTC)U3083568 (discusscontribs) 15:44, 22 October 2016 (UTC)

Feedback[edit source]

Hi, great chapter! Your images work really well with your chapter and even though there's a lot of context it is well divided and helped with tables and images. --JazNF (discusscontribs) 05:56, 19 October 2016 (UTC)

Structure[edit source]

Avoid sections with a single sub-section - either merge this content into the higher level section or add at least a second sub-section. -- Jtneill - Talk - c 21:31, 21 October 2016 (UTC)

Try adding links to key words to give a more developed finish to your chapter, looks great though!--JEMwarren (discusscontribs) 10:44, 23 October 2016 (UTC)

Fantastic chapter there! Very insightful and visually appealing, your use of pictures is great and your content is rich. This was a pleasure to read. Well done! --U3100166 (discusscontribs) 23:26, 21 October 2016 (UTC)

Chapter review and feedback

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Chapter marks will be available later via Moodle, along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

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Overall[edit source]

  1. Overall, this is a basic, but sufficient chapter which could be significantly improved by focusing more directly on the problem and less on describing the concepts such as AN and EM as separate constructs.
  2. For more feedback see these copyedits and the comments below.
  3. Feel free to make ongoing changes to the chapter if you wish to address any of these comments or make other improvements.

Theory[edit source]

  1. Some useful theory is covered towards the end, but the chapter is somewhat light on with regard to discussing theory relevant to the subtitle question.
  2. Abbreviate the general theoretical material about AN and provide references and links to further information. This would allow more space to apply the theories about EM to understanding AN, which is the focus of this chapter. Similarly, abbreviate the generic theoretical material about motivation (there are other chapters and Wikipedia articles which focus on this, so summarise and link). The part of the chapter that actually addresses the topic starts "Now, with an understanding of anorexia and some motivational concepts, we can discuss the relationship between extrinsic motivation and anorexia." - but this is about two-thirds of the way into the chapter! Frowny.svg
  3. Is desire for control an external motivator? (I would have thought that it was internal - the need for autonomy and competence are basic intrinsic psychological needs)
  4. More perhaps could be said about the external/social rewards for looking thin (e.g., attention, compliments, sexual attractiveness, as well not being discriminated against / stigmatised for being overweight etc.)
  5. The Conclusion could be strengthened by offering practical, take-home messages.

Research[edit source]

  1. Several useful studies are described and cited.
  2. Some statements are unreferenced (e.g., see the [factual?] tags)
  3. When discussing important research findings, indicate the size of effects in addition to whether or not there was an effect or relationship.

Written expression[edit source]

  1. Written expression
    1. Write for an international, not just an Australian, audience.
    2. Some paragraphs are overly long. Paragraphs should communicate a single key idea in about three to five sentences.
  2. Structure and headings
    1. See earlier comments about avoiding sections with only one sub-section. A section should have no sub-sections or at least two sub-sections.
    2. Each section should start with at least one introductory paragraph before branching into sub-sections.
  3. Layout
    1. Tables and Figures should be referred to in the main text.
    2. Tables and/or Figures are used effectively.
  4. Integration with other chapters
    1. Several relevant links are provided in See also.
  5. Learning features
    1. Add Interwiki links (to relevant Wikipedia articles) to make the text more interactive.
  6. Quiz questions are used effectively to encourage reader engagement.
  7. Spelling, grammar, and proofreading are very good.
  8. APA style
    1. Check and correct the APA style for how to report numbers (Numbers under 10 should be written in words (e.g., five); numbers 10 and over should be written in numbers (e.g., 10)).
    2. Use APA style for table and figure captions.
    3. Direct quotes need page numbers.
    4. The reference list is not in full APA style.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 11:43, 17 November 2016 (UTC)

Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's Moodle site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.


Overall[edit source]

  1. Overall, this is a very well prepared and executed presentation.

Structure and content[edit source]

  1. Overview
    1. Perhaps too brief - justify, why the focus on body image and control?
    2. Use the Overview to set up the problem to be solved (the question i.e., the subtitle for the book chapter).
  2. Selection and organisation
    1. Well structured.
    2. Theory was well covered.
    3. Research was well covered.
    4. Citations and references are included.
  3. Conclusion
    1. A Conclusion slide summarising the take-home messages / key points could be helpful.

Communication[edit source]

  1. Audio
    1. Audio is slightly too fast to easily comprehend - consider slowing down. See this article for more information about speaking rates.
    2. Leave slightly longer pauses between sentences.
  2. Video
    1. Visuals are clear and easy to read.

Production quality[edit source]

  1. Overall, well produced.
  2. Meta-data
    1. The title of the presentation differs from the book chapter - rename/retitle the presentation so that it includes the same title and subtitle as the book chapter.
    2. Fill out the description field (e.g., brief description of presentation, link back to the book chapter, license details, and possibly include references, image attributions, and/or transcript).
  3. Audio recording quality
    1. Excellent
    2. Minor issue: Audio volume varies somewhat between slides.
  4. Image/video recording quality
    1. Effective use of simple tools.
  5. Licensing
    1. A copyright license for the presentation is shown.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 16:05, 19 November 2016 (UTC)