Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2014/Sleep deprivation and emotion

Feedback

Great start so far JenJen! It sounds like a really interesting topic. Can't wait to read the rest.

I realise you are still editing your chapter, but noticed that you could perhaps add some wiki links to the "What is sleep deprivation and how does it effect our emotions?" and "What is an emotion and why do we have them?" sections.

Also just letting you know that I fixed a minor typo in the overview. It read " However, when sleep deprivation becomes a regular occurrence, it may begin to negatively impact on the physical, mental and emotional health on the individual." I changed it to "of"

Linssen (discuss • contribs) 02:38, 26 October 2014 (UTC)

UpdateHey Jenny, I just had a look at your chapter (still busy reading through it) but the first thing I noticed was the pink box at the top. I thought that it was the heading, and I was like "that's not your topic, where did that come from". I would suggest to rather put the pink box around the heading and just keep the quote underneath it on the blank background. That way your eye will catch the heading first and not the quite.

Linssen (discuss • contribs) 11:50, 26 October 2014 (UTC)

Update I just finished reading your chapter. I went ahead and fixed a whole lot of typos and syntax errors and also put in punctuation where you must have missed it in some spots. There is one sentence that had more than one "which" in it, so I broke it up with brackets to make it easier to read. [where you talk about the lower (neural) and higher (cognitive) levels].

I also fixed your green box a bit. I added some cell padding and put a margin around it, so that the text does not go right up to the border of the box. I also made the heading bold. And the text underneath the table I made a bit smaller and broke it up so that it fits underneath the table. Hope that was okay with you.

I also fixed a dead link to some website about "how much sleep one needs". Oh yes, I also removed that random lost-looking empty table from the bottom of the page.

All-in-al, I really liked your article. I think it is well-written and easy to follow. It is also quite informative. I learned a lot from it. I think you did a great job!

I realize that you are still probably busy adding your references, but other than that I would perhaps just add a few more in-text links.

Good luck! I will check in again tomorrow morning .

Linssen (discuss • contribs) 13:03, 26 October 2014 (UTC)

Couple of edits & suggestions

Hi Jen

I've just fixed up a couple of your headings, and put the link you had at the bottom into a hyperlink.

I also italicised the words 'Box 1' in your green box. I'm not sure you really need 'Box 1' given it's not a table or figure, but if you leave it in it should prob be in italics.

I think the heading 'Table 1' should come before the table. It should then have a title in italics (also before the table). I think the headings are like wiki standard also - only first words have caps. Check the guidelines though- I didn't want to play with it because I'm not comfortable with table syntax and didn't want to break it.

Given you don't mention Table 1 until the following paragraph you might be better to move it down (I think James might have picked me up on this in a past assessment piece from memory).

I put a link in for synaptic plasticity, & circadian rhythm. I thought since they are' technical terms' they might need it.

I'd consider moving all the paragraphs defining emotion up, and then moving on to how sleep deprivation effects emotion. It seems a little topsy turvy to talk about sleep deprivation and emotion, then define emotion, I'd move What is sleep deprivation and how does it effect our emotions down to just above Understanding the sleep cycle.

Both your quizzes are under the same heading. You might want to consider adding another one. I've drafted one below you could put under the CBT paragraph

Test yourself

1 Cognitive behavioural therapy has been found effective in treating insomnia.

	True
	False

2 Cognitive behavioural therapy has been found effective as it treats:

	the symptoms of insomnia and sleep deprivation
	the causes of insomnia and sleep deprivation
	teaches relaxation techniques

You might want to re-word these sentences, I suspect you copied and pasted to re-word but forgot - they are the same last two sentences in consecutive paragraphs: However, several studies have shown a bilateral effect between insomnia and depression that results in a reduction of depressive symptoms when targeting treatments towards reducing insomnia (Ebben & Narizhnaya, 2012). Insomnia is characterised as having physical, cognitive and emotion arousal that interferes with the sleep cycle (Ebben & Narizhnaya, 2012), while other research ascertained predisposing genetic components and personality traits as determining how large a stressor will be necessary for the development of insomnia (Ebben & Narizhnaya, 2012).

Also, you mention melatonin in the intro, but no where else. You might want to modify your intro if you don't have more info to put in about it.

and lastly, you need a conclusion!

The chapter is really well written, it was easy to read and understand. You've done a great job!!

Chelsi CFD (discuss • contribs) 14:56, 26 October 2014 (UTC)

Multimedia

Hey Jen, the multimedia was quite informative. I found it a little bit fast, but nevertheless was able to still follow it. Slide 10 was done at a good pace.

Linssen (discuss • contribs) 11:00, 2 November 2014 (UTC)

Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's Moodle site. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener. If you wish to dispute the marks, see the suggested marking dispute process.

Overall Overall, this is a good presentation. Well done. Structure and content The flow is good. The structure could have been improved. It may have been useful to explore emotion first and then moving onto sleep, to avoid skipping between topics. A good overview is provided at the beginning of the presentation. Two theories of emotion are discussed. Research is integrated throughout, but is not often referred to directly. Some illustrative examples are used throughout. Communication Communication is quite well done. The slides are well developed, presenting well-selected, important information. The voice-over is too fast throughout. The information is presented confidently and articulately. Some images and figures were used. Production quality Basic production tools are used. Audio quality is good. Quality of visuals are also good. A link to the book chapter is not provided.

ShaunaB (discuss • contribs) 02:58, 19 November 2014 (UTC)

Chapter review and feedback

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Chapter marks will be available later via Moodle, along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

Overall Overall, this was a promising chapter, but it presents too much about the separate concepts (sleep deprivation and emotion) and not enough about the relationships between the concepts. For more feedback, see my copyedits and comments below. Theory Reduce the amount of content about emotion and mood - summarise and provide links to other relevant chapters/sources (e.g., the difference between mood and emotion); instead, focus more on the specific topic. Research Although there are a reasonable number of citations, there is little detail about key research studies on the topic. Written expression Written expression is reasonable, but can be improved in several respects. Some of the bullet-points should be rewritten into full paragraph format. Avoid one sentence paragraphs. A paragraph should typically consist of three to five sentences. Layout Tables and/or Figures were used effectively. See earlier comments about heading casing Learning features Some links to Wikipedia and/or Wikiversity articles were added as external links - these should be changed to interwiki links Add links to other relevant book chapters (e.g. about emotion and mood) There is some use of tables and/or figures. Spelling Use Australian spelling (e.g., hypothesize -> hypothesise) Grammar and proofreading Use ampersand (&) inside brackets and "and" outside brackets. Grammar for some sentences needs improving (e.g., see the tags) APA style Add APA style captions to tables and figures. The references are not in full APA style.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 01:15, 30 November 2014 (UTC)