Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2014/Self-injury motivation

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Comments[edit]

Hey! I'm interested in this topic area so had a read of your chapter - it looks good. I found this article written in the 1980s, and its interesting to see if the perspectives of self-harm have changed since then. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2448555/pdf/ulstermedj00080-0051.pdf U122096 (discusscontribs) 07:38, 19 October 2014 (UTC)

Thanks, that article looks very interesting! KerrieW (discusscontribs) 07:47, 20 October 2014 (UTC)

Hi

I noticed that you appear to have focused on self-injurious behaviour and clarified that it is distinct from self-harm, though your title indicates you're focusing on self-harm.

Your page is looking great though. Your writing style is really clear and easy to understand.

Chelsi CFD (discusscontribs) 02:35, 16 October 2014 (UTC)


Hi there!

I was reading though you chapter, it looks closely at some of the things my chapter looks at. I’m thinking I will link my chapter to yours when I get to that stage. But my chapter also has some other interesting insights into self-harm I thought you might like to have a read of: https://en.wikiversity.org/wiki/Motivation_and_emotion/Book/2014/Depression_and_motivation

A very interesting topic though. Looks good!

Laney3691 (discusscontribs)


Hi there again!

I just had a very close read of your chapter. You have a fair few basic grammar and syntax problems, a through read of the whole chapter is necessary (I personally find making such edits without permission to another’s chapter a bit rude, so I'll leave this to you). Also, basic things like starting sentence with "but", the use of "&" and the use of "and/or", which aren’t considered good academic writing, needs to be considered.

Also, some of your writing may be a touch informal, namely seen in the section "functions". While our chapters are meant to be understandable by lay persons, which you've done very well, it is still meant to be an academic piece. Also, you use the word myth a lot, which, personally, doesn't feel right in a scientific content, I would suggest using "misconception".

There are also some of your facts, or the way you write your facts they I feel may be misleading, so you may what to check this. Firstly, you describe self-harm as not normal and deviant, but in some modern contexts I disagree. I have a family friend who is a practicing psychologist. They once told me that they had a young teenage client who felt left out because they were the only one of their friends who had not been hospitalized for self-harm, and thus was self-harming to fit in, and their behaviour, amongst their friendship group would be considered normal. I find this behaviour very interesting, and though you may like to look for similar cases. Secondly, you describe self-harm as never being about attention, but I could personally name many friends, who, while not always, self admittedly, have sometimes self-harmed simply for attention. I think stating any "always" or "never" facts can be a dangerous thing in psychology.

Finally, most importantly, I have also used the study the study by Polk & Liss, and I fear you have misinterpreted the results. You state that "96% percent of respondents expressed more than one distinct function of self-injury" - this is not correct, I have stated this exact statistic in my chapter, and since reread the study to confirm. the study states the 96% of participants reported that one of the six reasons for self-harm that Polk & Liss identified was their reason for self-harming, but only 26% of respondents had more than one of these six reasons for self-harming (see last paragraph on page 237 of Polk and Liss's paper).

Other than these small things, you chapter in general is very informative, well written, easily understandable. The case studies work well to show the development and overcoming of self-harm whilst you describe it in a formal way. I think this chapter has come along nicely. I am going to link it to my chapter. I hope my feedback doesn’t insult. I just hope this is more helpful than a comment simply saying “it looks good” and hopefully may help you gain some more marks. Good luck!

Laney3691 (discusscontribs)


Hi

This looks like it will be a great chapter, very thorough overview of the topic, easy to read, and using different media.

Only criticism I have is that the actual section on motivation is relatively brief in comparison with the rest, I was sort of expecting some more talk about the functions of the action, feelings evoked, maybe some personal statements form people who self harm re the reasoning behind it.

Appreciating that this is a work in progress, and apologies if you just haven't got round to it yet :)

I will eventually be putting a link to your page into mine, on Masochistic behaviour and Motivation, still being constructed but feel free to have a look.

Taya Taya88 (discusscontribs) 03:03, 19 October 2014 (UTC)

Hi, this looks really great so far. i noticed that there were two titles that were the same (what motivates self-injurious behaviour) i thought at the start you could remove it and just write overview instead maybe. also i think it would be beneficial for you to add a self-help section were you add links to lifeline or beyond blue something like that as this is a touchy topic and people may be looking for help --Hynes08 (discusscontribs) 03:25, 20 October 2014 (UTC)


Thanks so much to everyone who has commented, it has been very helpful! I am working on expanding the motivation section (thanks Taya), correcting the title (thanks Hynes & Chelsi), adding a self-help section (thanks Hynes). Also thankyou to Taya and Laney for your suggestions, I will be linking my page to both of yours. :-) KerrieW (discusscontribs) 07:48, 20 October 2014 (UTC)

Feedback[edit]

Really interesting topic. I like that you have put the case study all the way through which helps people to understand certain aspects of self harm. Here is an interesting artical on children and adolescent self harm.

http://zh9bf5sp6t.scholar.serialssolutions.com/?sid=google&auinit=J&aulast=Hurry&atitle=Deliberate+self-harm+in+children+and+adolescents&id=doi:10.1080/09540260074094&title=International+review+of+psychiatry+(Abingdon,+England)&volume=12&issue=1&date=2000&spage=31&issn=0954-0261

You could possibly look at how psychological dissorders play a role in self harm as you have gone into a lot of deatil of history, treatment etc when the question'What motivates people to self-harm' could take up a lot more of the overall chapter. Really good work and very interesting! :) U3081461 (discusscontribs) 07:33, 22 October 2014 (UTC)

APA style captions for images and tables[edit]

I recommend using APA style captions i.e., Figure 1, Figure 2 etc. for all images, graphs etc. and Table 1, Table 2 etc. for all tables. The caption text should not be in italics. For more detail and examples, see http://libguides.newcastle.edu.au/content.php?pid=113807&sid=1208571 -- Jtneill - Talk - c 10:41, 23 October 2014 (UTC)

See also and external links[edit]

Some suggestions:

  1. Order should be See also, References, External links
  2. Use bullet-points for the listing in See also and External links

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 21:25, 26 October 2014 (UTC)

Thank you! I saw this just in time. KerrieW (discusscontribs) 22:01, 26 October 2014 (UTC)


Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's Moodle site. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener. If you wish to dispute the marks, see the suggested marking dispute process.

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Overall[edit]

This was a really enjoyable presentation to watch. Well done!

Structure and content[edit]

The structure is very good, and the flow is clear. The presentation is very well-balanced, giving it a good academic quality. Research is integrated throughout. Functions of self-injury are very well explored. Theory is less of a focus, and this is area for potential improvement. The conclusion of the presentation offers practical advice, based on the research.

Communication[edit]

Communication is fantastic. The slides are very nicely put together, and compliment the information being provided verbally well. The voice-over is well paced, with a warm tone and good use of expression. The presenter appeared confident. Images and figures are used effectively.

Production quality[edit]

Basic production tools are used effectively. The use of Prezi gives a professional feel. The audio quality is good, although perhaps too quiet. The visuals are clear. A link to the book chapter is provided.

ShaunaB (discusscontribs) 03:26, 19 November 2014 (UTC)


Chapter review and feedback

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Chapter marks will be available later via Moodle, along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

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Overall[edit]

  1. Overall, this is an excellent chapter. For more feedback, see my copyedits and comments below.

Theory[edit]

  1. Theory is very well covered, demonstrating an indepth knowledge of a relatively contemporary topic in an accessible and interesting way.

Research[edit]

  1. Research is well cited, with appropriate critical commmentary.
  2. When describing important research findings, indicate the size of effects in addition to whether or not there was an effect or relationship.

Written expression[edit]

  1. The chapter is very written expression and makes effective use of the Wiki environment.
    1. The chapter benefited from a well developed Overview and Conclusion, with clear focus question(s).
  2. Learning features
    1. Some links to Wikipedia and/or Wikiversity articles were added as external links - these should be changed to interwiki links.
    2. Add link to the 2014 book chapter about masochism.
    3. Add length of linked videos
  3. Spelling, grammar and proofreading
    1. The grammar for some sentences could be improved - see the [grammar?] and [Rewrite to improve clarity] tags - minor issue
  4. Layout
    1. Tables and/or Figures were used effectively, but need APA style captions.
  5. APA style
    1. Numbers under 10 should be written in words (e.g., five); numbers 10 and over should be written in numbers (e.g., 10)
    2. Use ampersand (&) inside brackets and "and" outside brackets e.g., Polk & Liss -> Polk and Liss
  6. Some statements were unreferenced - see the [factual?] tags
    1. Remove issue numbers for seriated journal references.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 02:14, 26 November 2014 (UTC)