Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2014/Role models and motivation

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Comments[edit]

Hi

Your chapter is really interesting, and looking great. I noticed a few small things you might want to check (thought it's probably only that you haven't completed it yet). Your citations appear to be italicised, and possibly in a different font. Also, you mention 'Parents and teachers can function as role models to youth through interactions'. It may just be me but I think using 'to' implies it's something that happens to the teen (almost involuntarily), I wonder if saying 'for' would be more appropriate given it's not the person modelling the behaviour that chooses whether they are a role model, it is the person observing it. Does that make sense?

I like the layout of your page - the boxes make it stand out as a little different! I look forward to reading the rest of it :)

CFD (discusscontribs) 22:23, 17 October 2014 (UTC)


Hi there. I was just reading through your chapter. When I first saw you chapter title I instantly thought of Banduras experiments with social learning theory and roles models. I thought, if you weren't already planning to, that this would be a good addition to your chapter. It looks like it’s coming along well though! Good luck!

Laney3691 (discusscontribs)


Hi there!

I was having a good read of your chapter. I really liked it, it was quite informative.


I just felt though, that some of the sections were a touch too long. Maybe you could break them up a bit? This isn't a huge problem, will just help with ease of reading though.

I also noticed that under "Loss of self" your " For instance..." may look better as a case study. (You can see my page for that syntax: Depression and Motivation )

I also felt your chapter could use some more linking sentences, to bring everything together and so you can see how it interrelates. A conclusion would help with this. But also linking introductory and conclusive sentences at the start/end of each paragraph.

Also, when you talk about Emma Watson, who I agree is a great role model, you say "Unlike other celebrities", which I think would be better as "Unlike some other celebrities" because there are other good ones like Emma Watson.

I also noticed when you listed different disorders having a positive role model can help decrease the likelihood of, that you mention depression and mood disorders. Considering depression is a mood disorder, maybe only listing one of these would be better.

Finally, I made a couple of tiny edits on your pages, e.g. deleted a redundant word and fixed a bit of syntax.


Other than these small things, I really like your chapter. It looks very deeply and the relevant theories. It uses colour and pictures well to help engage audience. It is clear and well written.


Best of luck! Laney3691 (discusscontribs)

Heading casing[edit]

Crystal Clear app ktip.svg
FYI, the convention on Wikiversity is for lower-cased headings. For example, use:

==Cats and dogs==

rather than

==Cats and Dogs==

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 06:24, 21 October 2014 (UTC)

APA style captions for images and tables[edit]

I recommend using APA style captions i.e., Figure 1, Figure 2 etc. for all images, graphs etc. and Table 1, Table 2 etc. for all tables. The caption text should not be in italics. For more detail and examples, see http://libguides.newcastle.edu.au/content.php?pid=113807&sid=1208571 -- Jtneill - Talk - c 10:37, 23 October 2014 (UTC)

Spelling[edit]

Hi, just picked up and fixed a spelling mistake for you which i'm sure was just an accident! The last name for Emma Watson's character was Granger :) --Can Rogerthat (discusscontribs) 05:44, 25 October 2014 (UTC)

Pictures captions[edit]

Hi there, just noticed you were looking for some feedback on the forum, had a quick read through and your chapter looks great, really love all the colour, I did notice that your pictures have no caption with them, I am not sure, but I think where possible they need to have a caption, particularly the one of Bandura, I hope this helps, good luck Josephineanne (discusscontribs)

Suggestions[edit]

Hi

I've just had a quick look and your chapter is looking good, just a few suggestions:

You've defined elaborated really well 'role models', I think you could probably do with something very short and to the point about 'motivators', particularly if you're going to use other terms for it like influence. You often use 'model' throughout the rest, I think you might need to outline how people modelling behaviour motivates others to behave in the same manner (sorry if you've done this and I've missed it!).

You need to have a look at your headings. I noticed James had posted the wiki standard on your page. I think we're all in the habit of using all caps though!

I think the standard is also to put Figure 1 etc under photos with a small description. This would probably be especially beneficial for the photos of theorists.

You've talked about adolescents, and then moved to theorists, and then moved back to youth. I wonder if it would flow more smoothly if you moved the theorists first, and then moved on to specify how it works with different ages (you might also want to specify what you mean by 'adolescent' and 'youth').

The only other thing is your Reference list appears to have some strange syntax showing.

You've done well, I look forward to reading the final copy.

Chelsi CFD (discusscontribs) 12:48, 26 October 2014 (UTC)


Chapter review and feedback

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Chapter marks will be available later via Moodle, along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

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Overall[edit]

  1. Overall, this is a promising chapter which has several notable problems. See my copyedits and comments below for further feedback.

Theory[edit]

  1. Coverage of theory is disjointed (e.g., the focus on Erkison's stages of development comes out of the blue - needs some introduction). The chapter could be improved by providing more flow between sections - e.g., providing linking sentences at the beginning and end of each section.
  2. Explain the key theoretical perspectives in an Overview and then provide section headings that reflect the theoretical frameworks that are relevant to the topic.

Research[edit]

  1. Coverage of research could be more tailored to the topic at hand e.g. less emphasis on 1960's bobo doll research and more on more contemporary research about the influence of role models on youth motivation
  2. Some statements were unreferenced - see the [factual?] tags
  3. When describing important research findings, indicate the size of effects in addition to whether or not there was an effect or relationship.

Written expression[edit]

  1. the quality of written expression could be considerably improved e.g. see the clarification templates such as [grammar?], [spelling?], [Rewrite to improve clarity] and [clarification needed] which have been added.
    1. The chapter could have benefited from a more developed Overview and Conclusion, with clearer focus question(s) (Overview) and take-home self-help message for each focus question (Conclusion).
    2. Obtaining (earlier) comments on a chapter plan and/or chapter draft could have helped to improve the chapter.
  2. Learning features
    1. Interwiki links are used effectively.
  3. Spelling, grammar and proofreading
    1. The grammar for some sentences could be improved - see the [grammar?] tags
    2. Use Australian spelling e.g., hypothesize -> hypothesise
    3. Check use of ownership apostrophes e.g., individuals -> individual's
    4. Consistent and correct capitalisation should be used e.g., this is not the case for the quiz
  4. APA style
    1. Citation style needs correcting e.g., MacCallum & Beltman (2002) -> MacCallum and Beltman (2002) (Use ampersand (&) inside brackets and "and" outside brackets.)
    2. In-text citations should be in alphabetical order
  5. Layout
    1. Coloured backgrounds were overused; this can affect visual accessibility. I recommend reducing these and only using to highlight some key features. Check the style of Wikipedia articles for guidance.
    2. Section headings should use Heading style 2, then Heading style 3 for sub-sections etc. - needs fixing. Again check the style of other chapters or Wikipedia articles for guidance.
    3. There are too many sections. Sections should contain more than one paragraph.
    4. Previously posted advice on heading casing hasn't been implemented.
    5. Some images weren't captioned in APA style.
    6. The reference list needs proofreading. The hanging indent can be applied once at the beginning for all references (it isn't needed for each individual reference). Issue numbers not needed for seriated journals.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 23:07, 18 November 2014 (UTC)

Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's Moodle site. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener. If you wish to dispute the marks, see the suggested marking dispute process.

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Overall[edit]

  1. Overall, this is a good presentation - well done.

Structure and content[edit]

  1. The presentation provides good coverage of the motivational influences of role models on adolescents drawing on appropriate theory (Bandura and Erikson) and research – well done. An initial overview slide is provided but skipped over so that the viewer misses out on being orientated to the direction the presentation will take. A good summary of the presentation is provided but before the viewer can read the take home messages provided the slide changes and the presentation ends. In text referencing to match the end of text reference list would also have improved the presentation.

Communication[edit]

  1. Clear communication of ideas using voice and image was displayed. The verbal component of the presentation was well-paced and engaging. The presentation displayed excellent use of colour, illustrative examples, pictures and imagery to engage the viewer.

Production quality[edit]

  1. The presentation had potential to be excellent, this was let down by a lack of rehearsal both verbally and in the timing of the slides. Having given the extra time to rehearse a mistake free dialogue and a well-timed as well as mistake free slide changeover, this presentation would have been more effective and have had an element of professionalism about it. Such changes would also have improved the flow of the presentation and the viewer’s understanding of the content delivered. Text and images are clearly visible and sound is clearly audible, however, there is some background noise. There is a reference list provided. There is no copyright license provided. There is no link to the book chapter. A link is provided from the book chapter to the presentation.

RenaeLN (discusscontribs) 06:59, 21 November 2014 (UTC)