Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2014/Dehydration and mood

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Comments[edit source]

Try not to have too many boxes it can make it difficult for the reader to read through the page. I do not think that boxes within boxes would be the best idea. Also just by going off the headings you have so far they seem to be rather block like. Do not forget to link dehydration and mood together so that it flows and it is also easier for others to read. If you have difficulty looking for resources i have found google scholar to be really helpful, especially with difficult and specific topics. Here are some resources i hope that it helps:

--Bh712 (discusscontribs) 08:53, 21 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Ideas[edit source]

Just thought I would add some suggestions also – here are some more ideas to get started. I saw there is an article suggested already on women, so I thought I would suggest other areas.

This article looks at men specifically, their mood and cognition as a result of dehydration -

This article looks at children and how their cognitions vary after having water and their mood.

Not sure the direction your taking with your book chapter but if your mentioning cultural aspects of mood and dehydration – this article discusses fasting during Ramadan;

Jessiek86 (discusscontribs) 21 October 2014

Comments[edit source]

Hey Brooke, Thanks for your suggestions on my page! These are some articles I thought you might want to take a look at. :)

Jess JessBrewis (discusscontribs) 05:02, 22 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

==Comments=- Hey Brooke, just thought i would return the favour because you provided some really useful links on my page. i have to admit i was a little hesitant that you would not have a whole lot to talk about becauase i guess i had never made the association between mood and dehydration before. But i was pleasantly surprised on the amount of research i found. Here are the links to some of the articles i found I was also wondering if you were going to focus on differences in gender, cause i noticed a great deal of research concerning that. I think i would be a good avenue to explore if you hadn't thought of doing that yet. Good luck Lucydiamond1008 (discusscontribs) 05:15, 23 October 2014 (UTC) lucydiamond1008[reply]

Structure[edit source]

The overall structure looks good. I would tend to concentrate mostly on theory and research pertaining to the relation between dehydration and mood. Introductory material about dehydration and mood should be provided, but these are not the main point of the chapter, so after explaining those concepts, link to other book chapters or Wikipedia articles which contain more indepth material about these separate concepts. Sincerely, James -- Jtneill - Talk - c 00:17, 28 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments[edit source]

Hey Brooke, I really enjoyed reading your wiki. I really liked how you made the information more interesting for the reader- such as the hydration quiz at the beginning. Maybe for the answers part of the quiz you could set it out in a more user friendly way. As in make the results a list and bold- so something like thisS: If you answered: MOSTLY A's: MOSTLY B's: MOSTLY C's:

A few other things I noticed that you could consider is actual sentence structure. For example 'Water is essential for survival, especially due to the fact that our bodies are made up of two-thirds of water. Humans are known to survive only three to five days without any fluid intake (Benton, 2011)'

This could be changed to: Two-thirds of our bodies are made up of water. Humans are known to stay alive only three to five days without any fluid intake (Benton, 2011) so it essential for our survival.

Maybe go through and see if you can change around some sentences to see if they sound better that way.

You could also cut down some sentences in half For example: Dehydration occurs when a person loses 1% or higher of body mass due to fluid loss and a loss of 2% or higher can lead to significant implications such as impaired cognitive function, decreases in physical performance, headaches and serious mood alterations.

Could change to: Dehydration occurs when 1% or higher of body mass drops due to fluid loss. A loss of 2% or higher can lead to significant implications such as impaired cognitive function, decreases in physical performance, headaches and serious mood alterations.

Spelling/typing errors 'Understanding dehydration' 2 % - should be 2% serve conditions - should be severe just run through the whole thing again and double check i'm assuming spell check didn't pick it up that's why you didn't see

I'm not sure if it will be a le to fit in word count or if you can even do a second quiz but have you considered a knowledge quiz at the end of your page? just a thought :)

Also, re-read you conclusion and see if you can find a another word to use instead of 'hopefully' as you used it twice between two sentences.

All the information was relevant and you presented it in a really interesting way. I think you used a perfect amount of sources too back it all up too. I don't drink enough water sometimes and I can see now how it can really affect my mood. Basically my comments are to run through a few more times just to tidy it up a bit (sentence structure, spelling errors etc.) other than that it's really great! Good luck!! :)

U3068453 (discusscontribs)

Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's Moodle site. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener. If you wish to dispute the marks, see the suggested marking dispute process.


Overall[edit source]

  1. Overall, this is top-notch presentation, congratulations.

Structure and content[edit source]

  1. The structure is well thought-out, covering a lot of territory without trying to do too much. The content is simple, interesting and practical, drawing on theory and research.

Communication[edit source]

  1. Communication is fantastic, both visually and the voice-over audio is well-paced, clear, with excellent expression.

Production quality[edit source]

  1. Production quality is excellent. Creative, animated use of PowToon makes this much more dynamic than most screencast presentations. Check the link from the presentation back to the chapter (doesn't work).

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 05:46, 3 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Chapter review and feedback

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Chapter marks will be available later via Moodle, along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

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Overall[edit source]

  1. Overall, this is an excellent chapter.
  2. For more feedback, see these copyedits and comments below.

Theory[edit source]

  1. Theory is well covered and explained.

Research[edit source]

  1. Research is very well covered and explained.
  2. When describing important research findings, indicate the size of effects in addition to whether or not there was an effect or relationship.
  3. Some statements were unreferenced (e.g., see the [factual?] tags)

Written expression[edit source]

  1. Written expression
    1. Some paragraphs are overly long. Each paragraph should communicate one key idea in three to five sentences.
    2. Avoid one paragraph sections. A section should have at least two paragraphs.
    3. Avoid directional referencing (e.g., above, below, as previously mentioned)
    4. Some sentences are overly long.
  2. Layout
    1. Tables and/or Figures were used effectively.
    2. Coloured boxes were removed to aid readability; keep the style simple (e.g., as per Wikipedia articles)
  3. Learning features
    1. Some links to Wikipedia and/or Wikiversity articles were added as external links - these should be changed to interwiki links
    2. The chapter provides an excellent range of relevant links to other Wikipedia and/or Wikiversity pages.
    3. Quiz questions are used effectively to encourage reader engagement.
  4. Grammar and proofreading
    1. The grammar of some sentences needs improvement (e.g., see the [grammar?] tags)
    2. subjects -> participants
  5. APA style
    1. The reference list is not in full APA style.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 04:51, 8 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]