Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2014/Coming out and emotion
Suggestions & Edits
Hey all, feel free to note your suggestions and edits here for your social contrib mark! -James
Hi James! Heres a tip- When doing an essay in APA format you are required to indent each new paragraph - correct? - so I am assuming for the book chapter you should also indent each new paragraph. I can't insert the syntax for this on here because it disappears and becomes an indent!! So I will demonstrate to you in your first paragraph. You just need to copy and paste the syntax I will place in your chapter and paste it before your first sentence of each new paragraph. Hope this helps!!
Hi You have made a very good start on your topic, one thing to suggest is with pictures, Is the use of APA guidelines , so for each picture before the caption you should include Figure 1 ( in italics ) and so on if you add subsequent pictures. Also too I know your probably not finished but adding something interactive whether it be a quiz, or an activity, and provide some external links to other relevant information, previous chapters or interesting things. That may compliment your chapter. One last thing I'm sure you will include them but you reference section , see also section and external link section :) hope this helps a little You have done a good job so far. Cheers aliesha --U3080857 (discuss • contribs) 05:31, 29 October 2014 (UTC)
Fistly - great idea to put that little note on what is ok to do and what is not when editing!!!
A couple of things (keeping in mind that you're not finished and these may already be on your radar):
Sometimes when you're presenting info that are conflicting, or even just multifaceted, by different authors it can get confusing if you actually state who said what. It may read easier if you say 'while this has been said, this has also been said' and then cite them. For example, "While Reeve (2009) notes that emotions have the four main elements, namely: feeling, arousal, purpose, and expression, Hockenbury (2007) labels emotion as a psychological state that involves a subjective experience, a physiological response, and a response that may be either behavioural or expressive.". You could say 'It has been suggested emotions comprise four elements (feeling, arousal, subjective experience and physiological response) and are a physiological state comprising of .....'
You refer to the chapter as 'the following chapter' in one place - initially I thought you meant the chapter after what I was currently reading. Maybe you could say 'this chapter'.
I think you could possibly do with a small paragraph (with a sub-heading) that outlines' 'coming out'. I realise you've mentioned it in sexual orientation, but given it's your focus topic I think it could do with more highlighting. YOu would only really need to say something like coming out is the process of disclosing your sexuality openly to either your family and friends, or to society as a whole. I wonder if this could include a little about why this would be emotional - I would think it is partly because awareness of sexuality happens during adolesence, which is a time of identity formation, when we are looking for acceptance blah blah blah. You may also want to mention that 'coming out' is a process that is only expected for people who are non-hetero. Realistically, I never felt the need to tell my parents that I liked boys (a point a gay friend once very wisely pointed out to me!).
You appear to have a lot of headings regarding sexuality - be wary of falling into the trap of delving into definitions etc and not staying focused on your question. Ask yourself with each paragraph 'what does this say about 'coming out and emotions'.
You've picked a really, really interesting topic. Can't wait to read the rest.
PS flick me a message if you want me to do another read through at a later time.
This is one of the most interesting topics i've read from our wiki book this year! You've presented the information really well and I like how you briefly explained the definition of emotion giving you more room to talk about the actual topic of the chapter- this is something i'll have to change in my chapter.
Just a few notes: At the top where you define emotion and sexual orientation, maybe you could have a small paragraph on coming out between the two just to define what it is etc. I took a comma out of one of your in text references that shouldn't have been there in the 'history' paragraph. You could consider adding tables as it breaks up the huge chunks of writing, such as where you have used numbering or bullet/dot points :) Also I think you could test peoples knowledge by adding something interactive at the end. A quiz would be great as there is lots of interesting and important information in your page I found the most interesting part 'why come out'- i think it would be great if you could add more information to this (if there is any!)
Look forward to reading this when you have finished and good luck!
p.s i'm assuming you have an extension? i have one too so if you need to do some social contribution my topic is serotonin and emotion
I really like your chapter, it was a very good read. I have made a couple of grammatical and layout changes. I have also linked in a few of the keywords to wikiversity pages incase people want to go on to read more. In your paragraph where you discuss Bem's theory in 1996, I noticed you talked about the theory but did he have a name for it? If so I would suggest putting it in and also linking it to it's wikiversity page if there is one. All in all though I think you have done a fantastic job, well done!
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