Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2014/Coming out and emotion

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Suggestions & Edits[edit source]

Hey all, feel free to note your suggestions and edits here for your social contrib mark! -James

Indent tip[edit source]

Hi James! Heres a tip- When doing an essay in APA format you are required to indent each new paragraph - correct? - so I am assuming for the book chapter you should also indent each new paragraph. I can't insert the syntax for this on here because it disappears and becomes an indent!! So I will demonstrate to you in your first paragraph. You just need to copy and paste the syntax I will place in your chapter and paste it before your first sentence of each new paragraph. Hope this helps!!

Brookelouise23 (discusscontribs) 05:59, 31 October 2014 (UTC)brookelouise23Brookelouise23 (discusscontribs) 05:59, 31 October 2014 (UTC)

Hi You have made a very good start on your topic, one thing to suggest is with pictures, Is the use of APA guidelines , so for each picture before the caption you should include Figure 1 ( in italics ) and so on if you add subsequent pictures. Also too I know your probably not finished but adding something interactive whether it be a quiz, or an activity, and provide some external links to other relevant information, previous chapters or interesting things. That may compliment your chapter. One last thing I'm sure you will include them but you reference section , see also section and external link section :) hope this helps a little You have done a good job so far. Cheers aliesha --U3080857 (discusscontribs) 05:31, 29 October 2014 (UTC)

Hi James

Fistly - great idea to put that little note on what is ok to do and what is not when editing!!!

A couple of things (keeping in mind that you're not finished and these may already be on your radar):

Sometimes when you're presenting info that are conflicting, or even just multifaceted, by different authors it can get confusing if you actually state who said what. It may read easier if you say 'while this has been said, this has also been said' and then cite them. For example, "While Reeve (2009) notes that emotions have the four main elements, namely: feeling, arousal, purpose, and expression, Hockenbury (2007) labels emotion as a psychological state that involves a subjective experience, a physiological response, and a response that may be either behavioural or expressive.". You could say 'It has been suggested emotions comprise four elements (feeling, arousal, subjective experience and physiological response) and are a physiological state comprising of .....'

You refer to the chapter as 'the following chapter' in one place - initially I thought you meant the chapter after what I was currently reading. Maybe you could say 'this chapter'.

I think you could possibly do with a small paragraph (with a sub-heading) that outlines' 'coming out'. I realise you've mentioned it in sexual orientation, but given it's your focus topic I think it could do with more highlighting. YOu would only really need to say something like coming out is the process of disclosing your sexuality openly to either your family and friends, or to society as a whole. I wonder if this could include a little about why this would be emotional - I would think it is partly because awareness of sexuality happens during adolesence, which is a time of identity formation, when we are looking for acceptance blah blah blah. You may also want to mention that 'coming out' is a process that is only expected for people who are non-hetero. Realistically, I never felt the need to tell my parents that I liked boys (a point a gay friend once very wisely pointed out to me!).

You appear to have a lot of headings regarding sexuality - be wary of falling into the trap of delving into definitions etc and not staying focused on your question. Ask yourself with each paragraph 'what does this say about 'coming out and emotions'.

You've picked a really, really interesting topic. Can't wait to read the rest.

Chelsi CFD (discusscontribs) 06:09, 29 October 2014 (UTC)

PS flick me a message if you want me to do another read through at a later time.

Hey James

This is one of the most interesting topics i've read from our wiki book this year! You've presented the information really well and I like how you briefly explained the definition of emotion giving you more room to talk about the actual topic of the chapter- this is something i'll have to change in my chapter.

Just a few notes: At the top where you define emotion and sexual orientation, maybe you could have a small paragraph on coming out between the two just to define what it is etc. I took a comma out of one of your in text references that shouldn't have been there in the 'history' paragraph. You could consider adding tables as it breaks up the huge chunks of writing, such as where you have used numbering or bullet/dot points :) Also I think you could test peoples knowledge by adding something interactive at the end. A quiz would be great as there is lots of interesting and important information in your page I found the most interesting part 'why come out'- i think it would be great if you could add more information to this (if there is any!)

Look forward to reading this when you have finished and good luck!

p.s i'm assuming you have an extension? i have one too so if you need to do some social contribution my topic is serotonin and emotion

Sonja U3068453 (discusscontribs)

some comments[edit source]


I really like your chapter, it was a very good read. I have made a couple of grammatical and layout changes. I have also linked in a few of the keywords to wikiversity pages incase people want to go on to read more. In your paragraph where you discuss Bem's theory in 1996, I noticed you talked about the theory but did he have a name for it? If so I would suggest putting it in and also linking it to it's wikiversity page if there is one. All in all though I think you have done a fantastic job, well done!

Lucy90 (discusscontribs)

Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's Moodle site. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener. If you wish to dispute the marks, see the suggested marking dispute process.


Overall[edit source]

  1. Overall, this is a basic, but effective presentation.

Structure and content[edit source]

  1. Content is well structured.
  2. There is too much general background about homosexuality (abbreviate this).
  3. There is too little mention of relevant psychological theory.
  4. There is too little mention of relevant psychological research.
  5. A claim is made that coming out will reduce cognitive dissonance - but couldn't it also increase cognitive dissonance? This aspect needs to be considered in more depth, preferably with relevant ressearch.
  6. What are the health benefits of coming out? (More detail needed).
  7. Conclusion: More is needed about the key question: What are the emotional affects of coming out?
  8. An example/case study could be helpful.

Communication[edit source]

  1. Communication is quite effective.
  2. Slides were easy to read.
  3. Voiceover is generally clear and well=paced.

Production quality[edit source]

  1. Production quality is basic, but effective.
  2. There is some background noise/voices.
  3. No link to the book chapter was provided.
  4. No images were used.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 01:51, 9 December 2014 (UTC)

Chapter review and feedback

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Chapter marks will be available later via Moodle, along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

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Overall[edit source]

  1. Overall, this is a solid chapter.
  2. For more feedback, see these copyedits and comments below.

Theory[edit source]

  1. There is too much emphasis on historical information; summarise this and provide interwiki link to further information. This would allow greater emphasis on psychological theory and research related to the topic, which is currently light on.

Research[edit source]

  1. Several relevant research studies are cited, but more detail could be provided.
  2. The Reeve (2009) textbook is over-used as a citation; preferably consult and cite primary, peer-reviewed sources.
  3. When describing important research findings, indicate the size of effects in addition to whether or not there was an effect or relationship.
  4. Some statements were unreferenced (e.g., see the [factual?] tags)

Written expression[edit source]

  1. Written expression was generally very good.
    1. Some paragraphs are overly long. Each paragraph should communicate one key idea in three to five sentences.
    2. Avoid one sentence paragraphs. A paragraph should typically consist of three to five sentences.
    3. The quality of written expression could be improved (e.g., where clarification templates have been added to the page).
  2. Layout
    1. No Tables and three Figures were used; more could be added.
  3. Learning features
    1. The text could become more interactive by including interwiki links.
  4. Spelling
    1. Use Australian spelling (e.g., hypothesize -> hypothesise)
  5. APA style
    1. Use ampersand (&) inside brackets and "and" outside brackets.
    2. subjects -> participants
    3. Direct quotes need page numbers.
    4. Numbers under 10 should be written in words (e.g., five); numbers 10 and over should be written in numbers (e.g., 10)
    5. The reference list is not in full APA style.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 02:25, 9 December 2014 (UTC)