Latest comment: 14 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
I just checked in on this page and noted that it is coming well towards a first draft. Some suggestions:
Use some headings ==Heading text== will create Level 2 headings (this would be for your major sections) and ===Heading text=== for the next levels. This will then mean that an automatic table of contents is created for your chapter.
Check grammar for ownership apostrophes e.g., I changed someones -> someone's but there are others too.
More explanation might be helpful about the distinction between brain and mind (if this is an important distinction)
More justification for the initial focus on trauma and emotional stability/instability would be useful - e.g., first explain the emotional brain and emotional mind (or justify why the focus is initially on trauma). It might be helpful to explain/define trauma given the emphasis on it.
APA style:
No year for subsequent citations within a paragraph. e.g., Bloggs (2010). But then only refer to Bloggs within the same paragraph.
Include page numbers for direct quotes
Check formatting of references, especially use of capitalisation and italics.
Consider adding captions to images.
Also see some other edits I made as I read through: [1]
Latest comment: 14 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
This textbook chapter has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via login to the unit's Moodle site. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to see what editing changes I have made whilst reading through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below or continuing to improve the chapter if you wish. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener. If you wish to dispute the marks, see the suggested marking dispute process.
Overall, this is a solid P-level chapter. The theory content was DI-level, the research content was CR-level and the quality of written expression was P-level. Check my edits for suggestions plus see comment below.
Theory was well-handled overall. Some more clear structure explained up front, though, would have helped to know what was going to be covered and why. Some more integration between sections and with other textbook chapters would also be helpful.
No mention of emotional stability in the context of personality?
There is little referencing the section which draws a distinction between the emotional brain and the emotional mind.
Some relevant research is provided, but citations could be used more often and more detailed descriptions of research methods and findings for key results is recommended.
The first sentence is quite complex. Similarly, the last sentence of the first paragraph is quite complex. Try to communicate one key idea per paragraph in three to five sentences.
Where does the first direct quote start?
The chapter could have benefited from a developing clear focus questions.
Well done on creating the images. Note that one of them still requires a copyright license (check your talk page).
Use of images could be improved by providing more detailed captions.
There was a lack of flow between sections (they were a bit disjointed). To help improve this, the introduction could describe the chapter's focus questions which could each relate directly to a content section.
Verbatim content from APA (2009) removed and replaced with an external link.
The conclusion is excellent.
Learning features
There was little use of wiki-links.
Spelling, grammar and proofreading
Check use of ownership apostrophes e.g., minds -> mind's
Check over-use of capitalisation e.g., Trauma
Use gender-neutral language e.g., man -> human
Some sentences were not grammatically complete e.g., "The brain therefore being impaired influences the experience of emotional states in the mind."
Some abbreviations were used without explanation e.g., OM
APA style
Do not cite the year for subsequent citations within a paragraph e.g., Smith (2010) but after that in the same paragraph only refer to Smith.
When there are three or more authors, subsequent citations should use et al. e.g., Smith, Bush and Western (2001) and then in the next paragraph cite Smith et al. (2001).
Latest comment: 14 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's UCLearn site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.
Overall, good content but it needed more discipline to select and focus on only key points within 5 min.
The introduction made effective use of focus questions and provided a clear outline of content to be covered.
Emotional stability was well defined.
Sound quality seemed to vary - it faded in and out between slides and for one slide was quite quiet. In general, there was noticeable white noise in the background.
More variety in speaking tone would help to facilitate reader interest.
Font size - suggest increasing the min. font size a little.
This seemed to be significantly longer than 5 min?
Good use of diagrams (esp. brain diagrams with animations showing stress/non-stress activity)
