Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2010/Antisocial personality disorder

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Feedback - Hanging indent for references[edit]

Your page is well on its way. I was wondering if you could describe how one goes about putting in a hanging indent for the refs? Could you (if you've time) pop up the steps on moddle as there are a few of us wondering how you master such a wonderful technique. Cheers, Bec (U118827)

Actually, I'd be inclined to drop the indenting here - although it is APA style, separating the references into separate lines with a tab for the second line will create formatting problems down the track (e.g., for larger or smaller screen displays). If you do want to do hanging indenting, then try this:

Contributors' first names and initials(Last edited date). Title of resource using italics. Retrieved from http://Web address of the resource

Angeli, E., Wagner, J., Lawrick, E., Moore, K., Anderson, M., Soderland, L., & Brizee, A. (2010, May 5). General format. Retrieved from http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/560/01/

which is achieved with

<div style="padding-left: 2em; text-indent: -2em">List of references </div> -- Jtneill - Talk - c 21:04, 31 October 2010 (UTC)

Feedback - Introduction[edit]

I love the introduction, especially the engaging opening paragraph. I would suggest a little redrafting on the second and third paragraphs e.g., the sentence starting "Now, most psychological disorders reflect disturbances in a number of areas, " to improve the clarity, but this is a relatively minor suggestion. I'd suggest using ASPD once you've defined it - it's a bit of a wordful. -- Jtneill - Talk - c 23:58, 31 October 2010 (UTC)

This has improved I think, but could still do with some work in the subsequent paragraphs. I've edited a bit, but you might review and improve further. Ideally, this is a nice simple clear introduction to the topic and what will be covered in the rest. You could consider some focus questions and/or briefly overview the structure and direction of the chapter. Make sure the connection to motivation is clear. -- Jtneill - Talk - c 07:37, 5 November 2010 (UTC)
I added some extra sub-headings - usually a section would have no subheadings or at least two subheadings. -- Jtneill - Talk - c 07:38, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

Feedback - What is Antisocial Personality Disorder (APSD)?[edit]

  1. The opening sentence is a bit circular?
  2. Add citation to second sentence?
  3. The direct quote also needs a page number.
  4. "Individuals tend to have long histories of violating the rights of others,..." - what individuals? (Rewrite to improve clarity).
  5. This section seems heavy on DSM-IV description and a single reference source - use a broader range of references e.g., from peer-reviewed journal articles such as recent major reviews of APSD
  6. "They lack empathy and tend to be callous, cynical a..." - who? e.g., People with APSD?
  7. Maybe swap the two paragraphs around in "Clinical Description and Symptomology in APSD
  8. Maybe add a feature box / case study of someone who has APSD?

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 00:42, 1 November 2010 (UTC)

Maybe put the DSM Classification of APSD into a table or sidebox, since its not really main body text and is fairly literature from the DSM-IV I gather. -- Jtneill - Talk - c 07:40, 5 November 2010 (UTC)
Maybe distinguish between APSD and other related motivational disorders e.g., conduct disorder. What about if someone is less than 18 and has APSD symptoms? -- Jtneill - Talk - c 07:41, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

Feedback - Neurobiological theories[edit]

  1. Combine "Neurobiological processing of APSD" and "Neurobiological Theories of APSD".
  2. I'm not sure that you need the section on Emotion - not unless you are going to relate this back to motivation
  3. Shift this section "What is Motivation?" higher and merge perhaps in with the initial introduction which could perhaps be improved by explaining that this chapter explores motivational aspects of APSD i.e., it's not about APSD it is about motivation and APSD. All the theories you cover are then in some way about motivational aspects of APSD (which they are).

Feedback - The rest[edit]

  1. I've added some empty sideboxes
  2. I fixed/tweaked the indenting of references
  3. The range of references looks excellent - are they are cited? (they should be, otherwise don't include them - just checking).

Check the Moodle discussion list -- Jtneill - Talk - c 00:57, 1 November 2010 (UTC)

Feedback - Neurobiological Processing and Theories of APSD[edit]

  1. I think it makes sense to have brought these two sections together.
  2. Maybe offer a one paragraph introduction before diving into the specific sections
  3. Check APA style for direct quotation
  4. Consider adding a relevant picture e.g., from http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Special:Search/amygdala

Feedback - Wiki links[edit]

  1. Consider adding links to key word articles on Wikipedia e.g., when words like amygdala are first mentioned.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 07:53, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

Feedback - Conclusion[edit]

  1. Beef this up a bit into a stronger summary - perhaps provide summary answers to the focus questions. What have we learnt about motivation by looking at the APSD?

Feedback - Glossary[edit]

  1. Be selective about what goes in here - focus on key terms and leave out minor terms.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 07:53, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

Feedback - References[edit]

  1. Lykken (1957) is cited but is not in references - if you didn't consult this resource then it should be cited as a secondary citation.
  2. Subsequent citations within a paragraph don't need the year e.g., Lykken (1957), but after that in the same paragraph, use Lykken. (without the year).

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 07:53, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

Feedback - Overall[edit]

Besides filling out the rest of your content and redrafting, proofreading etc. I think the main work here should be on the conclusion/summary - and also on making it really clear in the introduction what the aims and content of the chapter are - e.g., via focus questions and answers to those questions. -- Jtneill - Talk - c 07:57, 5 November 2010 (UTC)


Chapter feedback

This textbook chapter has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via login to the unit's Moodle site. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to see what editing changes I have made whilst reading through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below or continuing to improve the chapter if you wish. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener. If you wish to dispute the marks, see the suggested marking dispute process.

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Overall[edit]

  1. Overall, this is a strong chapter, congratulations. An excellent understanding of APSD theory and research is evident, and this is carefully related to motivation, with appropriate integration of emotion. The main area for improvement is in the quality of written expression.

Theory[edit]

  1. Overall, there is an excellent understanding of relevant theory demonstrated.
  2. comment

Research[edit]

  1. Overall, this chapters draws on an impressive review of relevant empirical literature.
  2. What is "emotional facilitation"? (explain)
  3. I didn't grasp the findings from the startle reflex studies - what was found?

Written expression[edit]

  1. Overall, the chapter is well presented, with several useful wiki features (e.g., images, although these weren't captioned). The main area for improvement is with regard to the quality of written expression - see more details below and in the chapter's editing history.
  2. Excellent case study description(Steve)
  3. Check consistency of spelling
    1. e.g., anti social or antisocial or anti-social
  4. I added some more inter-wiki links for key concepts e.g., amygdala
  5. Try to integrate direct quotes or paraphrase them e.g., “A stimulus that predicts an aversive outcome will change neural transmission in the amygdala to produce somatic, autonomic, and endocrine signs of fear, as well as increased attention to that stimulus (Delisi et al..., 2009, pp 1244)” seems to just be inserted between paragraphs (removed it for now).
  6. The quality of written expression, although I edited several parts to improve the clarity and/or grammar (check history - e.g., "They also found that they also")
  7. Grammar and spelling
    1. There were quite a few spelling and/or proofreading errors (check my edits)
    2. Check use of ownership apostrophes e.g., individual's -> individuals
    3. Check comma usage (see my edits). In a number of places a dash rather than a comma was used.
    4. Some sentences were not grammatically correct e.g., "Where Arnett argues that the inhibitory properties of the key motivational systems create the maladaptive tendencies in APSD." and "Especially considering the indiscriminate self appraisal, selfishness and apparent 'lack or morals'."
  8. APA style
    1. Subsequent citations within a paragraph don't use the year e.g., (Elliot, 2006) but then just (Elliot)
    2. (Decety et al... 2009) -> (Decet et al., 2009)
    3. Use ampersand (&) inside brackets and use "and" outside of brackets

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 03:49, 3 December 2010 (UTC)


Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's Canvas site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.

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Overall[edit]

Structure and content[edit]

  1. This presentation provided a basic bullet-point narrated summary with some accompanying images.
  2. The presentation was well structured.
  3. Slide text was clear; font size could be increased
  4. Audio was a bit quiet
  5. In the general introduction, establish why this is an important topic.
  6. There was a fair bit of background white noise. Probably a laptop mic was used - a plug-in mic would give better sound quality.
  7. Greater variation in vocal tone would help to engage the viewer's interest.
  8. Narrated voice could slow down which would allow more time for the ideas to be processed by the viewer.
  9. This was longer than 5 mins! :(

Communication[edit]

Production quality[edit]

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 13:26, 14 December 2010 (UTC)