Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2010/Antisocial personality disorder
- 1 Feedback - Hanging indent for references
- 2 Feedback - Introduction
- 3 Feedback - What is Antisocial Personality Disorder (APSD)?
- 4 Feedback - Neurobiological theories
- 5 Feedback - The rest
- 6 Feedback - Neurobiological Processing and Theories of APSD
- 7 Feedback - Wiki links
- 8 Feedback - Conclusion
- 9 Feedback - Glossary
- 10 Feedback - References
- 11 Feedback - Overall
- 12 Chapter feedback
- 13 Multimedia feedback
Feedback - Hanging indent for references
Your page is well on its way. I was wondering if you could describe how one goes about putting in a hanging indent for the refs? Could you (if you've time) pop up the steps on moddle as there are a few of us wondering how you master such a wonderful technique. Cheers, Bec (U118827)
- Actually, I'd be inclined to drop the indenting here - although it is APA style, separating the references into separate lines with a tab for the second line will create formatting problems down the track (e.g., for larger or smaller screen displays). If you do want to do hanging indenting, then try this:
Contributors' first names and initials(Last edited date). Title of resource using italics. Retrieved from http://Web address of the resource
Angeli, E., Wagner, J., Lawrick, E., Moore, K., Anderson, M., Soderland, L., & Brizee, A. (2010, May 5). General format. Retrieved from http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/560/01/
which is achieved with
Feedback - Introduction
I love the introduction, especially the engaging opening paragraph. I would suggest a little redrafting on the second and third paragraphs e.g., the sentence starting "Now, most psychological disorders reflect disturbances in a number of areas, " to improve the clarity, but this is a relatively minor suggestion. I'd suggest using ASPD once you've defined it - it's a bit of a wordful. -- Jtneill - Talk - c 23:58, 31 October 2010 (UTC)
- This has improved I think, but could still do with some work in the subsequent paragraphs. I've edited a bit, but you might review and improve further. Ideally, this is a nice simple clear introduction to the topic and what will be covered in the rest. You could consider some focus questions and/or briefly overview the structure and direction of the chapter. Make sure the connection to motivation is clear. -- Jtneill - Talk - c 07:37, 5 November 2010 (UTC)
- I added some extra sub-headings - usually a section would have no subheadings or at least two subheadings. -- Jtneill - Talk - c 07:38, 5 November 2010 (UTC)
- The opening sentence is a bit circular?
- Add citation to second sentence?
- The direct quote also needs a page number.
- "Individuals tend to have long histories of violating the rights of others,..." - what individuals? (Rewrite to improve clarity).
- This section seems heavy on DSM-IV description and a single reference source - use a broader range of references e.g., from peer-reviewed journal articles such as recent major reviews of APSD
- "They lack empathy and tend to be callous, cynical a..." - who? e.g., People with APSD?
- Maybe swap the two paragraphs around in "Clinical Description and Symptomology in APSD
- Maybe add a feature box / case study of someone who has APSD?
- Maybe put the DSM Classification of APSD into a table or sidebox, since its not really main body text and is fairly literature from the DSM-IV I gather. -- Jtneill - Talk - c 07:40, 5 November 2010 (UTC)
- Maybe distinguish between APSD and other related motivational disorders e.g., conduct disorder. What about if someone is less than 18 and has APSD symptoms? -- Jtneill - Talk - c 07:41, 5 November 2010 (UTC)
Feedback - Neurobiological theories
- Combine "Neurobiological processing of APSD" and "Neurobiological Theories of APSD".
- I'm not sure that you need the section on Emotion - not unless you are going to relate this back to motivation
- Shift this section "What is Motivation?" higher and merge perhaps in with the initial introduction which could perhaps be improved by explaining that this chapter explores motivational aspects of APSD i.e., it's not about APSD it is about motivation and APSD. All the theories you cover are then in some way about motivational aspects of APSD (which they are).
Feedback - The rest
- I've added some empty sideboxes
- I fixed/tweaked the indenting of references
- The range of references looks excellent - are they are cited? (they should be, otherwise don't include them - just checking).
Feedback - Neurobiological Processing and Theories of APSD
- I think it makes sense to have brought these two sections together.
- Maybe offer a one paragraph introduction before diving into the specific sections
- Check APA style for direct quotation
- Consider adding a relevant picture e.g., from http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Special:Search/amygdala
- Consider adding links to key word articles on Wikipedia e.g., when words like amygdala are first mentioned.
Feedback - Conclusion
- Beef this up a bit into a stronger summary - perhaps provide summary answers to the focus questions. What have we learnt about motivation by looking at the APSD?
Feedback - Glossary
- Be selective about what goes in here - focus on key terms and leave out minor terms.
Feedback - References
- Lykken (1957) is cited but is not in references - if you didn't consult this resource then it should be cited as a secondary citation.
- Subsequent citations within a paragraph don't need the year e.g., Lykken (1957), but after that in the same paragraph, use Lykken. (without the year).
Feedback - Overall
Besides filling out the rest of your content and redrafting, proofreading etc. I think the main work here should be on the conclusion/summary - and also on making it really clear in the introduction what the aims and content of the chapter are - e.g., via focus questions and answers to those questions. -- Jtneill - Talk - c 07:57, 5 November 2010 (UTC)
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