Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2014/Sexual violence motivation

Heading casing

FYI, the convention on Wikiversity is for lower-cased headings. For example, use: ==Cats and dogs== rather than ==Cats and Dogs== -- Jtneill - Talk - c 11:12, 26 October 2014 (UTC)

References

Hey, just put your reference list into a bit more order and formatted it for you (mainly just putting the journal articles in italics). Good luck with it all. --U3083978 (discuss • contribs) 20:29, 26 October 2014 (UTC)

comments

Hey, so this is a really interesting topic, I know it's a pretty intense subject, my only suggestion, it to perhaps add some tables of the statistics you've recorded, it's really interesting, and some imagery can help break up the text and create a good flow. Hopefully this helps a little and good luck!!

Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's Moodle site. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener. If you wish to dispute the marks, see the suggested marking dispute process.

Overall This is a basic presentation, with adequate communication and production. Structure and content are areas for significant improvement. Structure and content The structure is clear, but content is lacking. The topic is clearly defined. The presentation provides a very brief overview of the chapter, without delving into any of the chapter's content. Therefore, research and theory are not integrated. Illustrative examples are not used. A good 'take home message' is provided. Communication Communication is quite good. The voice-over is well paced, with good pauses between sentences and slides. Good expression is used. The slides are clear, with a good amount of text of each. Images and figures could have been included. Ideas could have been explored in greater detail. Production quality Basic production tools are used. The audio quality is adequate, although perhaps a little too quiet. The quality of visuals is good. A link to the book chapter is provided.

ShaunaB - Talk

Chapter review and feedback

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Chapter marks will be available later via Moodle, along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

Overall This chapter is incomplete. For more feedback, see my copyedits and comments below. Theory The theory sections need more explanatory lead-in e.g., (a) to outline what theories are going to be covered; (b) explain what an implicit theory is, etc. Research The research review largely relies on a single study. For the key study(ies), provide more information about the methodology (e.g., sample characteristics and cultural context, how data were collected) Written expression The quality of written expression is marginal. Some paragraphs are overly long. Each paragraph should communicate one key idea in three to five sentences. Avoid sections with one paragraph - either expand or collapse. The quality of written expression could be improved where clarification templates have been added to the page. The chapter would benefit from a more developed Overview and Conclusion, with clearer focus question(s) (Overview) and take-home self-help message for each focus question (Conclusion). Obtaining (earlier) comments on a chapter plan and/or chapter draft could have helped to improve the chapter. APA style Direct quotes need page numbers. Use ampersand (&) inside brackets and "and" outside brackets. Numbers under 10 should be written in words (e.g., five); numbers 10 and over should be written in numbers (e.g., 10) References are not in full APA style

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 03:55, 28 November 2014 (UTC)

Comments about subsequent revisions:

1. Approximately 1000 words have been added, although this still remains as one of the shortest chapters. The bulk of the additional content is a new section called "Motivations for specific types of sexual violence" and "Prevention of sexual violence". Some of this content needs closer proofreading (e.g., missing word in "This does not take away from the negative effects of their actions on their victims, but it is important to identify that this crime generally does not physical contact, as it is not the physical gratification that motivates these individuals." and lack of ownership apostrophe in "Individuals who commit sexual assault, but not rape, are likely to blame the victim for their inadequacy and powerlessness in order to counteract the perpetrators own feelings of powerlessness (Sadoff, 1986)."). Some statements that have been added need better explanation (e.g., "Sadoff (1986) states that although rape is a primarily violent act, not all rapists are violent people.") and some statements seem to need further justification (e.g., "typically they [people who have commit sexual homicide] seek out punishment in order to rectify their guilt"). Other statements lack sufficient citation (e.g., "In these cases of sexual violence, the perpetrator seeks to increase self esteem and their feeling of competency which they struggle to gratify in other means.")
2. Not all points from earlier feedback have been addressed (e.g., Numbers under 10 should be written in words (e.g., five); numbers 10 and over should be written in numbers (e.g., 10))
3. The Overview has been expanded
4. Who is "we"? (Write in the third person).
5. Some clarification tags were removed without making any other changes (e.g., "53% of Beech, Parrett, Ward and Fisher's female participants (2009) were associated with this")
6. Some of the heading casing was corrected, but not all (e.g., "Female Offenders")
7. A (short) Conclusion has been added; there are no practical, take-home messages.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 01:48, 17 December 2014 (UTC)