Being Friends

—Connecting and belonging

Introduction:

Friends have fun together

Welcome!

Being friends is more than a mere association; it's a dynamic, reciprocal connection that enriches the journey of life. It involves the sharing of laughter, tears, triumphs, and setbacks. Friends create a shared history, a tapestry woven with the threads of mutual understanding and acceptance. Being friends means navigating the complexities of human relationships with a spirit of camaraderie, trust, and loyalty. It's about standing by each other, offering a comforting presence in times of need, and celebrating together in moments of joy. The essence of being friends lies in the ability to embrace each other's uniqueness, offering support, encouragement, and a genuine sense of belonging. It's a shared adventure where the bonds forged through time and experience become the foundation of lasting connections that withstand the tests of life's unpredictable journey.

Objectives

The objective of this course is to help you live a longer and happier life by being a better friend.

This course is part of the Emotional Competency curriculum.

Importance of Friendship

Humans are social animals who need to belong. We have an emotional need to be an accepted member of a group. Whether it is family, friends, co-workers, a religion, or something else, some people tend to have an inherent desire to belong and be an important part of something greater than themselves. This implies a relationship that is greater than simple acquaintance or familiarity.

Who Are Friends

Their are many varieties of friends. In philosophical discussions of friendship, it is common to follow Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics, (Book VIII) in distinguishing three kinds of friendship: friendships of pleasure, of utility, and of virtue.

According to Aristotle, genuine friendship thrives when two individuals care about the well-being of each other and are both conscious of this bond. Consider his three forms of friendship on this basis.

Friendships of pleasure form when two people discover they enjoy being together engaging in similar activities. In this case the bond is based on the shared activities, not on mutual well-being.

Friendships of utility arise when you find another person who can help you. In this case the bond is based the help provided, not on mutual well-being.

These friendships are shallow because they are based on what you are doing together rather than who you are.  These can be short lived because when circumstances change—you move on to other interests—there will no longer be any reason to spend time together or even care about each other. Aristotle considers these to be deficient modes of friendship.

In contrast, bonds based on shared goodness represent the most excellent form of friendship. In these ideal relationships, both friends take joy in each other's virtue, fostering enduring connections. As long as both individuals maintain virtuous characters, the friendship remains not only pleasant but also mutually beneficial. The motivation behind such friendships is genuine care for the well-being of the other person. However, Aristotle acknowledges the rarity of these relationships, attributing it to the scarcity of inherently good individuals, as those with negative inclinations do not find pleasure in each other's company

Notwithstanding the work of Aristotle, modern concepts of friends require mutual caring, intimacy, and shared activity.

Our experience of friendship changes as we grow older. Young children have playmates, and older people form deeper relationships.

Researchers differ when considering if family members and romantic partners are friends or form a different relationship. Also, while friends are often peers, some philosophers extend their accounts of friendship to include parent-child relationships.

Philosophical discussions aside, for the purposes of this course, friends are people who practice the friendly behaviors, listed below.

Our Circle of Friends

We have many more acquaintances than close friends.

Typically, each of us has many acquaintances yet very few close friends. Researcher Robin Dunbar has studied this phenonium extensively and describes the diagram shown on the right. Generally, people have about 5 close friends, 15 best friends, 50 good friends, and 150 people who we consider just friends.  Note that each layer is approximately three times the size of the layer immediately inside it.

The circle begins with our self in the center. Next are the two special friends typical of women and the one special friend typical of men. These are, on average, our 1.5 intimate friends.

Our five closest friends is known as the support clique. These are the people who would gladly provide help and support when you need it. Moving further out, we notice that juries, sports teams, executive boards, and many other groups that work best as a well-coordinated team, often include 12-15 members. This is known as the sympathy group referring to research on the number of people whose death would be upsetting.  

The number of just friends, approximately 150, corresponds to Dunbar’s number, an estimated cognitive limit to the number of people with whom one can maintain stable social relationships. In these relationships we know who each person is and how each person relates to every other person. Groups of this size can establish and maintain bonded social relations where people are mutually committed by trust, reciprocity, and obligation.

Beyond this we may have 500 acquaintances, know the names of 1,500 people, and recognize 5,000 faces we have seen somewhere.

Assignment:

Complete the Wikiversity course Knowing Someone.

More than Friends

If you are considering marriage, conceiving a child, or forming a business partnership, then it is wise to study the Wikiversity course Informed Commitments.

Health Benefits of Friendship

Finding friends can help you live a longer, healthier, and happier life.

The quality and quantity of individuals' social relationships has been linked not only to mental health but also to both disease and shorter life spans.

Extensive scientific findings from a variety of disciplines, including epidemiology, neuroscience, medicine, psychology, and sociology, converge on the same conclusion: social connection is a significant predictor of longevity and better physical, cognitive, and mental health, while social isolation and loneliness are significant predictors of premature death and poor health.

Extensive studies indicate a 50% increased likelihood of survival for participants with stronger social relationships. Put another way, by the time half of a hypothetical sample of 100 people has died, there will be five (should this be 50?) more people alive with stronger social relationships than people with weaker social relationships. Importantly, the researchers also report that social relationships were more predictive of the risk of death in studies that considered complex measurements of social integration than in studies that considered simple evaluations such as marital status. This finding remained consistent across age, sex, initial health status, cause of death, and follow-up period.

Other research shows this result pertains to positive relationships. Both negative relationship and ambivalent relationships—those that are sometimes good and sometimes bad—have negative effects on health.

Another major report finds “Over four decades of research has produced robust evidence that lacking social connection—and in particular, scoring high on measures of social isolation—is associated with a significantly increased risk for early death from all causes.”

And a synthesis of data across 16 independent longitudinal studies shows poor social relationships (social isolation, poor social support, loneliness) were associated with a 29% increase in the risk of heart disease and a 32% increase in the risk of stroke.

Friendship Cures Loneliness

Loneliness is the absence of friendship and other forms of social connection.

Loneliness is a subjective experience; it is more about how you feel than the number of people you are with. It is possible to feel lonely in a crowd of people if you don’t feel you belong and have not connected with anyone you are with. Alternatively, solitude is often valued as a time to work, think, or rest without disturbance. It may be desired for the sake of privacy.

You may fall into one of three distinct styles of friendship:

• Independent people consider themselves self-sufficient and content to socialize casually. Friends come and go as life unfolds.
• Discerning people have deep ties and long-lasting relationships with a few close friends.
• Acquisitive people collect a variety of friends as they live their lives. They often make new friends while maintaining established relationships.

Choose friends however you are comfortable.

The Wikiversity course Alleviating Loneliness describes the many threats to our health and well-being resulting from loneliness and isolation.

Finding friends can help you live a longer and happier life.

Friendly Behavior

There are many friendly behaviors.

Being friends means many things. The following sections describe the various behaviors, expectations, and obligations friends have to each other.

Friendship is complex, dynamic, and evolves over time. Many of the friendly behaviors describe here interact and can sometimes conflict with each other. For example, showing up must be balanced with respecting boundaries. The best friends integrate all these behaviors and find the right thing to do.

Embracing these behaviors can help make us better friends or help us notice when it is time to move on.

Friends Show Up

"Friends Show Up" encapsulates the essence of dependable companionship and the unwavering support that defines genuine friendships. In the intricate dance of life, friends who consistently show up are the anchors that provide solace and strength during both joyous and challenging moments. Their reliability goes beyond mere physical presence; it embodies a commitment to being there emotionally, offering a comforting shoulder to lean on or a celebratory cheer in times of triumph. True friends understand the power of showing up as an affirmation of their dedication to the relationship. In the tapestry of enduring connections, the threads of showing up weave a narrative of trust, reliability, and the profound understanding that, with friends who consistently stand by your side, the journey through life becomes richer, more meaningful, and far less daunting.

Friends Have Your Back

True friends are the unwavering support system that stands firmly behind you, ready to catch you when you stumble or soar with you when you succeed. Having your back in friendship means more than just physical presence; it signifies a profound commitment to your well-being, happiness, and success. These friends are your confidantes, offering a safe space to share your dreams, fears, and aspirations. They lend a helping hand in times of adversity, offering both a listening ear and practical assistance. Friends who have your back are the ones who understand the intricacies of your journey, providing encouragement and a sense of security. In the tapestry of genuine connections, the threads of friendship weave a narrative of trust, loyalty, and the assurance that, with true friends by your side, you are never alone in facing the challenges of life.

Friends are Candid

Friends who are candid create a space where open communication flourishes, unburdened by pretense or hidden agendas. Their willingness to speak truthfully, even when it may be uncomfortable, reflects a deep level of trust and mutual respect. Candor fosters an environment where misunderstandings are addressed head-on, allowing the relationship to grow stronger through shared vulnerability. True friends who are candid not only provide sincere feedback but also encourage personal growth and self-reflection. In the narrative of enduring connections, the threads of candor contribute to a bond that stands resilient, built on a foundation of genuine understanding and a shared commitment to authenticity.

Friends Care

Friends who truly care go beyond the surface-level exchanges; they become pillars of support and empathy in each other's lives. Their genuine concern is a soothing balm in times of adversity, a beacon of warmth that lights up the darkest moments. Friends who care are attuned to each other's joys, sorrows, and silent struggles, creating a sanctuary where vulnerabilities are embraced. Whether through a comforting word, a compassionate gesture, or simply being present, caring friends contribute to a tapestry of understanding and compassion. The act of caring is not just a duty but a reflection of the deep connection and commitment that define authentic friendships, making the shared journey through life more meaningful and profoundly enriching.

Friends Share

Friends who share create a sacred space where thoughts, feelings, and experiences are exchanged without reservation. Whether it's the laughter that echoes through shared stories, the comfort in divulging personal dreams, or the solace in revealing vulnerabilities, the act of sharing binds individuals together in a tapestry of mutual understanding. This selfless exchange fosters a sense of unity, breaking down the barriers that often isolate individuals. In the shared moments of joy, sorrow, and everyday life, the essence of true friendship is illuminated. Friends who willingly open their hearts and minds to one another create a unique bond that transcends time, making the journey of life richer and more meaningful.

Friends Trust

Trust forms the bedrock of profound friendships, creating a secure and unshakeable foundation upon which lasting connections thrive. In the realm of true friendship, trust is not merely an expectation but a sacred covenant. Friends who trust one another cultivate an environment where vulnerabilities are embraced, and authenticity flourishes. This mutual reliance allows for open communication, genuine understanding, and the assurance that one's confidences are held with utmost care. In the tapestry of trust, there is a sense of freedom, knowing that one can be true to oneself without fear of judgment. Friends who trust build bridges that span the gaps of uncertainty, and in doing so, they create bonds that endure the tests of time, forging a connection that withstands the trials of life's unpredictable journey.

Trust is essential; betrayals end friendships.

Friends Help

In the intricate dance of friendship, the willingness to extend a helping hand becomes a defining gesture that strengthens the bonds between individuals. Friends who help are the unsung heroes in the narrative of companionship, offering support in times of need without hesitation. Whether it's a comforting word during moments of distress, a lending hand to navigate challenges, or a shared burden in times of adversity, the act of helping reinforces the mutual commitment to each other's well-being. True friends recognize that in the ebb and flow of life, assistance is not just a gesture; it is an embodiment of care and solidarity. Through acts of kindness and selflessness, friends who help weave a tapestry of shared experiences, creating a narrative where the threads of support intertwine seamlessly, creating a bond that stands resilient against the trials of life.

Friends Listen

Friends who truly listen are the architects of understanding, creating a safe haven where thoughts and emotions are given a voice without fear of judgment. Their attentive ears become conduits for empathy, absorbing the nuances of joy, sorrow, and everything in between. In the quiet moments of shared confidences, the act of listening transcends mere conversation; it transforms into an affirmation of trust and a celebration of mutual understanding. True friends recognize that in the cacophony of life, the ability to lend a patient ear is a precious gift. In the profound simplicity of listening, friendships blossom into resilient bonds, enriching the shared journey of life with the resonance of genuine connection.

Friends Laugh Together

Laughter is the universal language of friendship.

Laughter is the universal language of friendship, and friends who share moments of joyous mirth create a symphony that resonates through the tapestry of their connection. The ability to laugh together is a testament to the camaraderie and shared experiences that define true friendship. In the echoes of shared laughter, there exists a unique bond that transcends words, a language understood only by those who have navigated the twists and turns of life side by side. Whether it's the contagious laughter that erupts during inside jokes, the shared smiles over memories, or the genuine amusement found in the simplest of moments, friends who laugh together weave threads of happiness into the fabric of their relationship. These shared moments of levity not only alleviate the burdens of daily life but also serve as the glue that binds friends together, making their journey through life brighter, lighter, and infinitely more enjoyable.

Friends Forgive

Forgiveness is the cornerstone of enduring friendships, embodying the resilience and compassion that characterize meaningful connections. Friends who forgive recognize the imperfections and missteps inherent in human relationships, yet choose to embrace understanding over resentment. In the intricate dance of friendship, forgiveness becomes a liberating force, allowing individuals to move forward unburdened by the weight of grievances. It is an acknowledgment that everyone is susceptible to errors and misunderstandings. Friends who forgive are not blind to flaws but are wise enough to prioritize the preservation of the bond over holding onto grievances. In the tapestry of lasting friendships, the threads of forgiveness weave a narrative of growth, empathy, and the unwavering commitment to nurturing a connection that can weather the tests of time.

Friends Support

True friendship is a refuge of unwavering support, where individuals find solace in the understanding that they are not alone in the journey of life. Friends who support are the scaffolding that bolsters dreams, the safety net during moments of vulnerability, and the cheering squad in times of triumph. Their encouragement is a powerful catalyst, propelling one another toward personal growth and shared victories. In the face of challenges, friends who support do not merely offer words; they extend a helping hand, ready to navigate the storms together. This support goes beyond the superficial; it is a genuine investment in the well-being and success of each other. In the intricate tapestry of friendship, the threads of support form a resilient weave, creating a bond that stands firm in the face of adversity and celebrates the joys of mutual accomplishment.

Friends Celebrate

Friends who celebrate transform life's milestones into joyous symphonies, where shared accomplishments become the heartbeat of lasting connections. In the dance of friendship, these individuals are not just witnesses to success but active participants, adding their applause to the crescendo of achievements. True friends find delight in the victories, both big and small, and their genuine happiness amplifies the significance of these moments. Whether it's raising a toast to professional triumphs, commemorating personal milestones, or reveling in the sheer joy of each other's happiness, friends who celebrate contribute to a tapestry of shared joy and mutual accomplishment. Their collective enthusiasm not only deepens the bonds of friendship but also transforms life's journey into a series of jubilant chapters, making the voyage all the more enriching and memorable.

Friends Encourage

Friends who encourage become beacons of positivity, offering unwavering support in the pursuit of dreams. Their words and actions become catalysts for confidence, fostering a sense of belief in one's abilities. True friends do not just stand by during challenges; they actively uplift, inspire, and provide the motivation needed to overcome obstacles. In the tapestry of lasting connections, the threads of encouragement weave a narrative of empowerment and shared growth. Friends who encourage create an environment where aspirations are not only nurtured but also emboldened, making the journey of life more fulfilling and the triumphs more rewarding.

Friends Understand

Friends who truly understand forge connections that transcend words, delving into the unspoken realms of emotions and experiences. These individuals possess an innate ability to comprehend the nuances of each other's joys and sorrows, fostering a space where vulnerabilities are met with empathy rather than judgment. In the tapestry of lasting friendships, the threads of understanding weave a narrative of acceptance, creating a haven where individuals can be authentically themselves. It is the silent assurance that someone comprehends the unarticulated parts of one's journey, creating a bond that withstands the tests of time and reinforces the beauty of true camaraderie. Friends who understand illuminate the path of friendship with a profound light, making the shared journey of life richer and more meaningful.

Friends Respect

Respect is the cornerstone upon which enduring friendships are built, creating a foundation of mutual regard and consideration. Friends who respect one another acknowledge individual boundaries, values, and differences, fostering an environment where each person feels honored and valued. This profound quality goes beyond mere politeness; it reflects an understanding that each friend is a unique individual with their own beliefs and perspectives. In the tapestry of true friendships, the threads of respect weave a narrative of trust and acceptance. Friends who respect contribute to a harmonious connection where communication is open, and differences are embraced rather than challenged. This fundamental quality not only strengthens the bond between friends but also ensures that the shared journey of life is marked by a sense of dignity and understanding.

Friends Give Advice

Friends who offer advice become trusted guides in the intricate journey of life, providing insights and perspectives that shape decisions and actions. Their words carry the weight of shared experiences, and the counsel they provide is steeped in a sincere desire to see their friends flourish. True friends not only offer encouragement but also serve as sounding boards for dilemmas, offering thoughtful guidance and constructive input. The exchange of advice is not just a transaction of words; it is an embodiment of care and mutual investment in each other's well-being. In the fabric of enduring friendships, the threads of advice weave a narrative of trust, support, and the shared wisdom that makes the journey through life even more.

Friends Comfort

In the ebb and flow of life's challenges, friends who offer comfort become invaluable anchors in the storm. Their presence is a soothing balm to wounds, providing solace and understanding in moments of distress. True friends possess an innate ability to lend a compassionate ear, offering words of encouragement or a comforting silence when needed most. The act of comforting goes beyond mere empathy; it is an affirmation of the unwavering support that defines genuine friendships. Whether facing heartbreak, disappointment, or the trials of everyday life, friends who comfort become beacons of light, reminding us that we are not alone in our struggles. In the tapestry of enduring connections, the threads of comfort weave a narrative of shared burdens, resilient strength, and the reassurance that, with friends by our side, we can weather any storm that life may bring.

Friends Collaborate

Friends who collaborate create a dynamic synergy that transforms shared endeavors into remarkable achievements. Beyond the camaraderie that defines friendship, collaboration adds a layer of collective creativity and mutual empowerment. Whether working on a project, pursuing shared interests, or navigating the complexities of life, friends who collaborate contribute unique strengths to the collective effort. The beauty of collaboration lies in the exchange of ideas, the blending of diverse skills, and the shared vision that emerges from joint endeavors. True collaborative friendships thrive on cooperation, mutual respect, and the understanding that the collective achievement is greater than the sum of individual contributions. In the tapestry of enduring connections, the threads of collaboration weave a narrative of shared aspirations, mutual growth, and the profound satisfaction derived from achieving goals together.

Friends Empathize

Empathy is the quiet strength that binds the hearts of true friends, creating an emotional resonance that goes beyond words. Friends who empathize possess the rare ability to step into each other's shoes, to feel the joys and sorrows as if they were their own. In moments of distress, empathy becomes a comforting embrace, an acknowledgment of shared emotions, and an assurance that one is not alone in their struggles. True friends don't just sympathize; they empathize, offering a genuine understanding that transcends surface-level interactions. The threads of empathy woven into the fabric of friendship form a bond that withstands the tests of time, providing solace, connection, and a profound sense of shared humanity. Friends who empathize enrich the journey of life with compassion, fostering a deep and lasting connection that elevates the meaning of friendship.

Friends Accept

Friends who truly accept one another create a haven where individual quirks, flaws, and unique qualities are not only acknowledged but celebrated. This acceptance extends beyond mere tolerance; it is an embrace of the entirety of a person, warts and all. True friends recognize the beauty in each other's differences, fostering an environment where authenticity flourishes. The act of accepting a friend for who they are engenders trust, deepens connections, and creates a space where individuals feel valued and loved for their genuine selves. In the grand mosaic of enduring friendships, the threads of acceptance contribute to a portrait of mutual regard and the enduring strength that defines a true and lasting bond.

Friends Challenge

Friends who challenge us are the catalysts for personal growth and the architects of resilience in the tapestry of enduring connections. Beyond the comfort of shared laughter and shared joys, these friends embrace the role of gentle provocateurs, encouraging us to step outside our comfort zones and confront the boundaries of our potential. Their challenges are not born out of criticism but spring from a sincere desire to see us evolve and thrive. Through thoughtful encouragement and constructive feedback, friends who challenge us become instrumental in refining our perspectives, broadening our horizons, and fostering a spirit of continuous improvement. In the ebb and flow of life, it is often these challenges that shape the depth of our character and fortify the bonds of true friendship, creating a dynamic and supportive environment where growth becomes a shared journey.

Friends Motivate

Friends who motivate are the architects of inspiration, infusing the journey of life with a contagious enthusiasm that propels us toward our aspirations. Beyond mere companionship, these friends become uplifting forces, encouraging us to reach for our dreams and surmount challenges. Their motivation serves as a driving force during moments of self-doubt, transforming obstacles into stepping stones for personal growth. True friends not only celebrate our successes but also ignite the spark of determination in times of adversity. In the intricate tapestry of lasting connections, the threads of motivation weave a narrative of mutual encouragement, shared ambitions, and the transformative power of friendship as a catalyst for achievement. Friends who motivate do more than stand by; they actively contribute to a shared journey where the pursuit of dreams becomes a collaborative and uplifting experience.

Friends Communicate

Effective communication is the lifeblood of enduring friendships, and friends who prioritize open and honest dialogue form a resilient bond that weathers the tests of time. These friends recognize that the art of communication extends beyond words; it involves active listening, understanding nuances, and expressing thoughts with sincerity. In the dynamic tapestry of genuine connections, friends who communicate foster an environment where feelings are shared, misunderstandings are addressed, and shared experiences are articulated. Their ability to express thoughts and emotions with transparency creates a foundation of trust, fortifying the relationship against the strains of miscommunication. In the shared language of friendship, effective communication becomes the bridge that connects hearts, ensuring that the connection remains vibrant, authentic, and steadfast in the face of life's complexities.

Friends Keep Secrets

The ability to trust a friend with our innermost thoughts and secrets is a testament to the depth and strength of a true friendship. Friends who keep secrets are like custodians of our most intimate and vulnerable selves. In the tapestry of lasting connections, these friends stand as pillars of confidentiality, creating a safe space where one can share fears, dreams, and personal challenges without fear of judgment. The unspoken agreement to safeguard each other's secrets is a sacred pact that deepens the bonds of trust. True friends not only honor this trust but also demonstrate a profound understanding of the value of discretion. The threads of shared secrets weave a narrative of mutual respect and unwavering loyalty, forming the resilient fabric of a friendship built on the foundation of trust and confidentiality.

Friends Apologize

Friends who apologize exemplify humility, acknowledging that misunderstandings and conflicts are inevitable in any relationship. Their readiness to take responsibility for their actions or words demonstrates a deep respect for the other person's feelings and the overall health of the friendship. Apologies from true friends are not just words; they are a commitment to understanding, learning, and growing together. The act of apologizing strengthens the bonds of trust, fostering an environment where openness, forgiveness, and resilience thrive. In the tapestry of enduring connections, the threads of genuine apologies weave a narrative of mutual respect and a shared commitment to the longevity and well-being of the friendship.

Friends Appreciate

Friends who genuinely appreciate one another cultivate an atmosphere where gestures, qualities, and shared moments are acknowledged and cherished. This appreciation extends beyond the surface, diving into the unique qualities that make each friend irreplaceable. True friends express gratitude not only for the joyous times but also during challenges, recognizing the strength and resilience within each other. The act of appreciating a friend creates a ripple effect, deepening the bonds of connection and adding layers of warmth and affirmation to the intricate tapestry of friendship. In this shared acknowledgment, the threads of appreciation weave a narrative of mutual regard, fostering an environment where each friend feels seen, valued, and truly understood.

Friends Include

Friends who actively include one another create a welcoming space where each individual feels valued and accepted. Whether it's a simple invitation to join in activities or a genuine effort to incorporate diverse perspectives, friends who include foster an environment where no one is left on the periphery. The act of inclusion goes beyond mere gestures; it embodies the understanding that every friend brings something unique and valuable to the collective experience. In the tapestry of enduring connections, the threads of inclusion weave a narrative of unity and solidarity, creating a friendship that is not only resilient but also enriched by the diverse contributions of each member. Friends who include demonstrate that true camaraderie is built on the foundation of embracing differences and celebrating the shared journey through life.

Friends Respect Boundaries

Friends who understand and honor each other's boundaries demonstrate a profound level of respect and consideration. They recognize that every individual possesses personal limits, emotional space, and unique comfort zones. The ability to acknowledge and adhere to these boundaries creates an environment of trust and ensures that each friend feels secure within the relationship. True friends not only establish clear communication about their own boundaries but also actively listen and respond to the boundaries set by their companions. In the tapestry of lasting connections, the threads of respecting boundaries weave a narrative of mutual understanding, fostering a friendship that flourishes with trust, consideration, and a deep sense of personal agency within the bonds of camaraderie.

Friends Are Loyal

Loyalty is the unspoken vow that binds true friends in an unbreakable pact of steadfast companionship. Friends who are loyal stand as unwavering pillars of support, weathering the storms of life and celebrating its triumphs together. Their commitment goes beyond mere camaraderie; it is a deep-seated understanding that in the tapestry of friendship, trust is sacred. Loyal friends stand by each other through thick and thin, offering a sense of security and constancy that transforms mere acquaintances into cherished confidantes. In moments of joy, sorrow, or challenge, friends who are loyal exemplify a bond that transcends the ordinary, creating a resilient connection that withstands the tests of time. In the intricate design of enduring friendships, the threads of loyalty weave a narrative of mutual devotion and the assurance that, no matter the circumstances, true friends stand united in loyalty and unwavering support.

As with any of these friendly behaviors, loyalty must be balanced against other considerations.

For example, consider what you would do if faced with this passenger’s dilemma?

You are a passenger in a car driven by a close friend, and he hits a pedestrian. You know that your friend was going at least thirty-five miles per hour in a zone marked twenty. There are no witnesses. Your friend’s lawyer says that if you testify under oath that your friend’s speed was only twenty miles per hour then you would save your friend from any serious consequences. What would you do?

This thought experiment requires finding a balance between loyalty to your friend and your moral reasoning regarding your responsibilities to the greater society. You may decide that your moral reasoning is not closely aligned with someone who would expect you to commit perjury to cover up their misbehavior. Or you might decide otherwise.

Friends Offer Constructive Criticism

Friends who engage in constructive criticism provide valuable insights and feedback with the genuine intention of helping each other flourish. This form of feedback is rooted in care, respect, and a shared commitment to personal development. True friends understand that constructive criticism is not about pointing out flaws but about fostering improvement and encouraging the unleashing of untapped potential. In the tapestry of enduring connections, the threads of constructive criticism weave a narrative of trust, openness, and the belief that true friends play an integral role in each other's journeys toward becoming the best versions of themselves.

Friends Stand By You

True friends are the steadfast anchors that stand by you through the highs and lows of life, embodying unwavering support and loyalty. In moments of triumph, they cheer by your side, celebrating your successes as if they were their own. During times of adversity, these friends offer a comforting presence, standing as a resilient pillar that braces against the storms. The act of standing by a friend is more than physical proximity; it is an emotional commitment to weather challenges together. True friends not only share in the joys and sorrows but also provide a sense of security and assurance that, no matter the circumstances, they will always be there. In the intricate tapestry of enduring friendships, the threads of standing by one another weave a narrative of mutual trust, deep connection, and the reassurance that, with friends by your side, the journey through life becomes more meaningful and resilient.

Friends Are Honest

Honesty is the bedrock of genuine friendships, and friends who prioritize truthfulness contribute to a connection fortified by integrity and transparency. In the tapestry of enduring relationships, these friends become reliable sources of genuine feedback, unwavering in their commitment to sincerity. They navigate the delicate balance between candor and compassion, offering honest opinions and insights with the intention of fostering growth and understanding. True friends understand that honesty is not always easy but recognize its pivotal role in creating a foundation of trust. In moments of joy, sorrow, or decision-making, friends who are honest provide a solid ground for mutual respect and shared authenticity. The threads of honesty woven into the fabric of friendship form a narrative of trustworthiness, deep connection, and the assurance that, with truthful companionship, the bonds between friends can weather any challenge.

Friends Are Reliable

Reliability is the cornerstone of lasting friendships, and friends who consistently demonstrate dependability become invaluable pillars in the shared journey of life. These friends are the ones you can count on, the ones whose promises are more than words – they are steadfast commitments. In moments of joy or hardship, friends who are reliable stand by your side, offering not just support but a sense of security. Their actions speak volumes, reflecting a commitment to being there through thick and thin. True friends understand the significance of reliability in nurturing trust and deepening connections. In the intricate tapestry of enduring friendships, the threads of reliability weave a narrative of mutual respect, dependability, and the assurance that, with reliable companionship, the bonds between friends remain unbreakable.

Friends Are Thoughtful

Thoughtfulness is the subtle art that elevates friendships from ordinary connections to cherished bonds of understanding and care. Friends who are thoughtful demonstrate a keen awareness of each other's needs, preferences, and emotions. They go beyond mere gestures, ensuring that their actions are infused with genuine consideration and sensitivity. Whether it's remembering a special occasion, offering a kind word during challenging times, or surprising with a small token of appreciation, thoughtful friends create a tapestry of shared moments that speak volumes about their connection. In the mosaic of lasting friendships, the threads of thoughtfulness weave a narrative of affection, empathy, and the understanding that true friendship is often found in the details – in the moments where one friend's consideration makes a lasting impact on the other's heart.

Friends Show Gratitude

Gratitude becomes a beacon of warmth and affirmation in the realm of true friendships, where friends not only acknowledge but actively express appreciation for each other's presence and contributions. Friends who show gratitude understand the significance of recognizing the value that their companions bring to their lives. Whether through heartfelt words, thoughtful gestures, or simply expressing thanks, they weave a tapestry of mutual appreciation. In the ebb and flow of life, friends who cultivate gratitude create a resilient bond that thrives on positivity, strengthening the connection and fostering an environment where each friend feels seen, valued, and cherished. Gratitude becomes the gentle current that flows through the shared experiences, leaving an indelible mark on the enduring fabric of their friendship.

Summary and Conclusions

You can live a longer and happier life by being a better friend.

Recommended Reading

Students interested in being friends may wish to study the following materials:

• Dunbar, Robin. Friends: Understanding the Power of our Most Important Relationships. Abacus. pp. 432. ISBN ‎ 978-0349143576. 
• Denworth, Lydia (January 26, 2021). Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life's Fundamental Bond. W. W. Norton & Company. pp. 320. ISBN 978-0393541502. 
• Block, Peter (2009). Community: The Structure of Belonging. Berrett-Koehler Publishers. pp. 264. ISBN 978-1605092775  . 
• Putnam, Robert D. (2000). Bowling Alone. Touchstone Books by Simon & Schuster. pp. 544. ISBN 978-0743203043  . 
• Owen, Harrison   (April 21, 2008). Open Space Technology: A User's Guide Paperback. Berrett-Koehler Publishers. pp. ‎192. ISBN 978-1576754764. 
• Brooks, David (October 24, 2023). How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen  . Random House. pp. 320. ISBN 978-0593230060. 
• Ridley, Matt (April 1, 1998). The Origins of Virtue: Human Instincts and the Evolution of Cooperation  . Penguin Books. pp. 304. ISBN 978-0140264456. 
• ‪Albom‪, Mitch‪ (October 8, 2002‪). Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson‪  . Crown‪. pp. 192. ISBN 978-0767905923‪. 
• Kidder‪, Tracy‪ (May 4, 2010‪). Strength in What Remains ‪  . Random House Trade Paperbacks‪. pp. 284. ISBN 978-0812977615‪. 
• King, Larry. How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere: The Secrets of Good Communication  . Crown. pp. 224. ISBN 978-0517884539. 
• Fisher, Roger; Ury, William L.; Patton, Bruce (May 3, 2011). Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In  . enguin Books. pp. 240. ISBN 978-0143118756. 
• Cain, Susan (January 29, 2013). Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. Crown. pp. 368. ISBN 978-0307352156. 
• Steinbeck, John (February 1, 1994). Of Mice and Men. Penguin Classics. pp. 105. ISBN 978-0140186420. 
• Vogl, Charles (September 12, 2016). The Art of Community: Seven Principles for Belonging. Berrett-Koehler Publishers. pp. 216. ISBN 978-1626568419. 
• Cope, Stephen (March 26, 2019). Deep Human Connection: Why We Need It More than Anything Else. Hay House Inc.. pp. 288. ISBN 978-1401946531. 

I have not yet read the following books, but they seem interesting and relevant. They are listed here to invite further research.

• Celebrating the Third Place: Inspiring Stories About the "Great Good Places" at the Heart of Our Communities, by Ray Oldenburg PhD
• The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters, by Bernadette Dunne, Priya Parker, et al.
• Friendship, Development, Ecology, and Evolution of a Relationship, by Daniel J. Hruschka
• On Friendship, by Ray Pahl