Talk:Wikiphilosophers/Happiness/S. Perquin

It's exhausted when we don't know if we can control it, but try anyway.

As you say, we can accept those things in the material world that we have no control over, like death and natural disasters, and just move on and let it happen when it happens. And those things that we know for sure we can control are also acceptable. But what about those situations that we are not sure we can control? For example, parents try to control their children's lives, what kind of person their children can marry, which major their children should choose in college... when children don't want to. They think they can control it, but sometimes they may not. I think this may be because people know that life is not eternal, so they want to do their best while they are alive to make sure that they have a good living condition before they die. This can be exhausting for everyone. How can we get happiness when things like this happen now and then? Lexiberry (discuss • contribs) 05:59, 21 September 2024 (UTC)

Good question. I think it's definitely an ethical dilemma whether parents should have control over their children's lives. On one hand, you want what's best for your child, but on the other hand, at some point, you also have to let them make their own choices. But where is that line? I think it is good to always consider whether a situation is controllable and whether we can do something about it. If we have something in our hands, we can shape it to our will. But if we have no control over a situation, like when a child truly refuses to listen, then we don't have control over it. In that case, the question arises: why worry about the child, since it won't change anything? However, that doesn't mean you should stop caring about the child or abandon them. I think it's possible to care about something or someone while not worrying about it at the same time. It's a balance that we have to find. Sometimes it's good when things don't go the way you want them to. I hope this answers your question. If not, don't hesitate to ask a follow-up question! Kind regards, S. Perquin (discuss • contribs) 01:15, 22 September 2024 (UTC)

"when we don't know if we can control it" - I think, this is the essential point of the critique. Especially in social/interpersonal contexts, there are numerous situations that no individual can control alone, that basically no one controls. But I think that this interpersonal level is very important for one's own happiness, and just because one has no (full or hardly any) control over it doesn't mean that one is powerless and unable to act. But control and the ability to help shape things and to participate are definitely different things. Nobody has control over politics, but even in totalitarian systems everyone has a minimal amount of room to shape things (which is why even a dictator can't control politics and history). 91.65.129.169 (discuss) 19:35, 15 October 2024 (UTC)

And are things we cannot control really irrelevant to our happiness? Is the stoic sage who is burned alive really happy? Is happiness, as described in the introduction, really a subjective, emotional state or perhaps one that can also be objectively ascribed because of biographical facts, to which the conclusion can only be drawn after death? 91.65.129.169 (discuss) 19:51, 15 October 2024 (UTC)

I don't know if you can truly attribute objective happiness to someone, because there are always moments when someone is not happy. If you have been unhappy your entire life and then happy at the end, were you happy during your life or not? I generally feel happy, and I think that really comes from my acceptance of how things are. I do put a lot of effort into things that I would prefer to see differently (I am often very steadfast in this), and when it doesn't work out, I feel a bit unhappy. But when I ask myself why I feel unhappy for a moment, the answer is that I couldn't change what I wanted to change. When I then accept that I couldn't change it, I feel happy again. I think that's how it works. Even in a totalitarian system, you can feel happy if you accept that you cannot change some things or can only change them minimally. Of course, you should still strive for change, but if you encounter setbacks, I think it's better to accept them. But continuing to strive your goals is important. It's easy for me to say, because I live in a safe, democratic country, so I don't know how it would be different. I think it also has to do with my belief in destiny. I hope I was able to answer your questions. If not, feel free to ask more questions! My English is not very good (I translate everything), so it's possible that I didn't understand your question correctly. Kind regards, S. Perquin (discuss • contribs) 14:56, 16 October 2024 (UTC)