Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/Envy

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Comments[edit source]

Hi. Your chapter looks great so far, I really like how you've used modern and past examples to illustrate what you're saying. I think this provides a happy medium in terms of psychological research and real life examples. I also think that the definitions of what envy is and the various types of envy are well demonstrated. Perhaps you could include socialisation in terms of developing envy or whether it is more biologically produced. Additionally, perhaps you could include cultural differences: does envy incorporate the same thing across collectivist and individualist cultures? But so far, the chapter is well written and expressive. I think you've done a great job.U3033746 22:06, 2 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much for your feed back! I will definitely delve further into the cultural aspects of envy and its roots. I think you are right as well too bring up collectivist and individualistic cultures, it could be something which is really interesting so thank you very much for your help :) --EssDubz 11:22, 3 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Hey Sam. Your book chapter looks good... I think that the colour scheme you've chosen works really well. I also really like the movie example with questions underneath - it breaks up the text well. You've given a good overall introduction and I'm interested to see your part on how to manage envy. I would encourage you to add another 'question' section like you did after the movie. Perhaps in your research you could consider including a section on how the media manipulates envy - so that people buy more things... and the practical self-help implications of this.KristaLeanne 07:07, 3 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Hey thanks Krista! I am really looking forward to understanding how to cope with envy so when its written up I will let you know! Yeh seeing how the media can affect envy would be really interesting and I'm sure i could link it to someone elses page aswell so thank you for your input, good luck with the rest of your chapter. --EssDubz 11:22, 3 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Hey Sam, your book chapter is visually pleasing! I like that you included an example in the media because it helps set up the context of your chapter well. Comparing envy with other emotions is effective to show their distinctions. Maybe you could discuss if envy is ever beneficial in driving someone to achieve a positive goal? Nice work :) AngeM 23:36, 2 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Hey AngeM, thank you for your help, I am now considering whether i should include a little case example or something like that to show how envy can indeed drive someone to achieve a positive goal. If i can find something that really fits I will let you know. Thanks again. --EssDubz 11:27, 3 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Hey your page is looking so nice and colourful and theres loads of good pics Maybe you could include some psychological theory if you can find any on why people get envy :) Kayla 01:47, 3 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Hey Kayla, yeh I am hoping to attack some psychological theory behind envy its just really hard as it seems to be a really philosophical question, plenty of philosophical theories however :) thanks for your help --EssDubz 11:27, 3 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Great job Samuel, i think the general consensus is that your page colours are delightful and "enticeing". I agree with previous statements where ppl have suggested describing if envy is successful in motivating a person positively (eg trying harder to be like someone else/have the things they have etc.). Just food for thought :) but cant wait for this chapter to develop more, it has great potential Atice 01 05:38, 3 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Atice 01, thankyou for your feedback, they are quite enticeing I was hoping to go for that affect in order to draw people towards my page. I feel i must also add that i am quite envious of your page (pun intended). I will definitely take your feedback into consideration, thank you and goodluck with your the rest of your chapter. --EssDubz 11:27, 3 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

--Cowboy Dan 10:39, 6 November 2011 (UTC), EssDubz I was wondering if you were going to draw up a table comparing jealousy and envy?[reply]

Cowboy Dan, thank you for offering that advice, I have now added a small table showing the differences between jealousy and envy so the readers can get a clearer picture of how they really differentiate. Good luck on the rest of your chapter. --EssDubz 15:36, 6 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

EssDubz, i just wanted to thank you for your contribution to my page. You were correct in assuming i needed to define aggression. So thank-you. In the act of reciprocity, i have read over and "touched up" your page a bit. I simply made minor changes to help you. I always find that looking through the eyes of another helps pick up small grammer mistakes that one wouldnt normally see having stared at ones own page for hours :) Best of luck with your page EssDubz Atice 01 15:17, 6 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Atice 01, any time, thought that it might help you out. Also thank you for your contribution to my page as well, you are definitely right in saying that often we ourselves miss little mistakes as i clearly had in my introduction so thank you for fixing that up for me. Good luck with the rest of your page Atice 01 only hours left now until its due. love EssDubz --EssDubz 15:36, 6 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Heading casing[edit source]

FYI, the general wiki convention is for lower case headings. -- Jtneill - Talk - c 11:39, 3 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Colour of envy[edit source]

What is the colour of envy? Is is red? Or is it more like purple? Just wondering here about the title background colour. -- Jtneill - Talk - c 20:08, 3 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Paragraph length tip[edit source]

Draft comments[edit source]

I've had a quick look - in addition to the comments above:

  1. Overall - the scope, look, feel, style etc. all look to be very much on track with the style of the book and assessment exercise.
  2. Maybe make more clear how envy differs from similar/related emotions? It could be useful to consider whether envy is viewed as a core emotion or secondary emotion
  3. Maybe link to trailer of the Envy movie?
  4. Subtitle - on the Table of Contents it is Envy - Understanding the deadly sin of envy as an emotion; or Envy - What is it? and how do we manage it?. Make both places consistent (whatever you choose is fine).
  5. Structure - I've adjusted the structure slightly - I suggest short Intro and Summary sections. Initially, explain envy as an emotion, some historical info is useful/interesting but this is probably also the most expendable, then the psychology of envy and copying with envy sections are probably the most important in terms of addressing the theory and research marking criteria.

Sincerely, James -- Jtneill - Talk - c 20:22, 3 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Hey James, Thank you very much for your feedback. I have changed the color scheme of the chapter in order to better suit the topic, I have also now added the trailer to the movie and fixed up the title on both the wiki book page and chapter page. I am hoping to find a bit more psychological information on envy however it appears to be a relatively new area in the field of psychology. Thanks again for the feedback I will most definitely put it into motion. --EssDubz 09:47, 4 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

This is a fantastic shapter - really well done - congratulations - Magnolia


Chapter review and feedback

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Chapter marks will be available later via Moodle, along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

Overall[edit source]

  1. Overall, this chapter is commendable for tackling a somewhat challenging topic (emotion of envy) and succeeding in providing a readable overview of theory and research. The main areas for improvement could be around clarity/quality of written expression. The chapter is also notable for making effective use of interwiki links, captioned images, and a quiz, with useful pointing to further resources.

Theory[edit source]

  1. Perhaps focus first on establishing the underlying problem/question and relating it to the self-help book theme.
  2. Evolutionary theory is well covered, along with psychoanalytic and neuroscience theory. Social-cognitive theories could also be considered?
  3. Reasonable effort is made to distinguish envy from jealousy. The table is a useful additional feature.

Research[edit source]

  1. Research is somewhat limited, but good use is made of available findings. 1. Perhaps more examples of research findings could be provided.

Written expression[edit source]

  1. Written expression
    1. Overall, the chapter was well presented and written. Some areas for improvement follow.
    2. The chapter benefited from presentation of focus questions, however these did not seem to followed through e.g., the Summary/conclusion was underdeveloped with regard to recommending some specific self-help take-home messages.
    3. What are the answers to the focus questions - or take-home messages about how to deal with envy from a self-help point of view?
    4. Excellent work on getting comments on a chapter plan and incorporating changes.
    5. Some paragraphs were overly long. Each paragraph should communicate one key idea in three to five sentences.
    6. Some sentences were overly long or needed greater clarity - e.g,. see where I've added [say what?]
    7. See edits to the chapter for example improvements.
    8. Avoid directional referencing e.g., "As previously mentioned"
  2. Learning features
    1. Relevant links to Wikipedia are provided.
    2. Effective use is made of images and tables.
    3. The quiz is an excellent addition. Q1 is too hard, though.
    4. Images were well chosen and captioned.
  3. Spelling, grammar and proofreading
    1. Overall, well done, but some more thorough proofreading and copyediting would be useful.
  4. APA style
    1. In-text citations and referencing style are in excellent APA style.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 13:36, 25 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]


Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via login to the unit's Moodle site. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener. If you wish to dispute the marks, see the suggested marking dispute process.

Overall[edit source]

  1. Overall, this is a solid bullet-point slide, with some images and animation, and narrated presentation.

Structure and content[edit source]

  1. Content is well selected and structured.
  2. Good research-base.
  3. Good focus on practical recommendations (4:15-4:45)
  4. Perhaps give a more clear overview of what will be covered (during the general introduction)
  5. Summary?

Communication[edit source]

  1. Accompanying images were well used.
  2. Voice tonal range could be increased to facilitation attention and interest
  3. Voice speed could be slower, allowing points to sink in.

Production quality[edit source]

  1. Increase text size and contrast (difficult to read on the initial green/black slides)
  2. Audio quality was clear.
  3. Image attributions and licenses?

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 05:09, 10 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]