Motivation and emotion/Book/2026/Romantic jealousy

Romantic jealousy:
Why does romantic jealousy occur, what are it's impacts, and how can It be managed?

Overview

Scenario

Maya has been in a committed romantic relationship for 3 years.

Her partner, Alex, has recently started spending more time with a new colleague, Joan.

One evening, Maya notices that Alex has been messaging Joan more often. She sees a message that, while not showing clear evidence of infidelity, could be interpreted in multiple ways.

Maya suddenly feels jealous.

She starts thinking: Why are they messaging so much? Is there something going on? Does Alex find Joan more interesting than me? Am I overreacting?

Maya feels anxious and has an urge to check Alex's messages or ask what is happening.

Maya's situation shows how an ambiguous event can become psychologically significant when interpreted as a potential threat (see Figure 1).

Romantic jealousy is an emotional response that can arise when a person perceives a threat to a valued romantic relationship. The experience and consequences of jealousy can vary substantially across people and situations. The threat can be real or imagined, perceived through the presence of a rival, or felt through fear of loss (Karakoçoğlu & Hasdağ, 2025). In jealousy, interpretation and perception play important roles.

The onset and experiences of romantic jealousy can vary significantly between individuals because individual differences (such as gender and sexual orientation) and social differences (such as relationship status and type) shape how people interact and respond in any given situation (Valentova et al., 2020).

Focus questions

What is romantic jealousy, and how can it be understood as an emotional and motivational response?
Why does romantic jealousy occur, and why might people experience it differently?
What are the cognitive, emotional, behavioural, and relationship impacts of romantic jealousy?
How can romantic jealousy be managed in ways that support healthy functioning?

What is romantic jealousy?

Romantic jealousy is a psychological response to a perceived threat to a valued romantic relationship, involving interacting emotional, cognitive, and motivational processes, including attachment and behaviour (Sharpsteen & Kirkpatrick, 1997).

Defining romantic jealousy

Jealousy is a psychological response that occurs when a person perceives a threat to an important relationship. Romantic jealousy is a subtype of jealousy that concerns individuals in a romantic or intimate relationship. In a romantic relationship, the bond between the individuals involved is what is threatened, whether by a potential or imagined loss (suspicious jealousy) or an actual loss (fait accompli jealousy) (Miller & Benz, 2013).

The situation in which the perceived threat is felt does not have to involve an objectively confirmed threat. Differences between events and situations that incite jealousy may reflect appraisals of the situation and how those appraisals elicit emotions (Scherer et al., 2001). Jealousy may involve cognition, emotion, and motivation. Behaviour may follow these factors directly; however, it is not necessary and is not the same as experiencing jealousy.

Jealousy and related emotional experiences

Although romantic jealousy can involve emotions such as fear, anxiety, anger, and insecurity, it should be distinguished from related psychological experiences such as envy. Jealousy aligns with the above-given definition of a valued relationship plus a perceived threat involving another person. Envy is separate and distinct. Envy is generally a negative emotion associated with wanting or desiring what someone else has. A distinction between jealousy and envy, as demonstrated in Table 1, is that jealousy is concerned with a threat or loss, whilst envy is concerned with wanting to gain something.

Table 1. Distinguishing Romantic Jealousy from Related Experiences
Experience	Central Concern	Example
Romantic Jealousy	Perceived threat to a valued romantic relationship	Partner appears unusually close to another person
Envy	Wanting something another person has	Another person has a relationship you want
Fear/Anxiety	Anticipated or perceived threat/danger	Worry that a relationship may end

Is jealousy inherently harmful?

The significance of jealousy may depend partly on how you interpret the experience and how you express it. An important point to note is that emotions do not equal behaviour.

Jealousy can have an adaptive or positive function, potentially acting as an information signal, motivating attention toward a relationship concern, motivating relationship-protective behaviour, or prompting communication Dillon (2013). In contrast to jealousy's potential positive outcomes, it can also prompt maladaptive responses, including conflict, suspicion, and controlling behaviour (Elphinston et al., 2013).

Why does romantic jealousy occur?

Romantic jealousy is unlikely to stem from relationship events alone. Instead, it can stem from the interaction among perceived threat, cognitive appraisal, relationship characteristics, and individual differences.

Perceived relationship threat and cognitive appraisal

A central explanation for romantic jealousy is that situations become emotionally significant when people appraise them as threatening to a valued relationship. A potential threat is not automatically a psychological threat. A partner interacting with another person may not provoke jealousy, and the interaction becomes important only when interpreted as threatening (Martínez-León et al., 2017).

Cognitive appraisal plays a central role in eliciting threat and challenge responses like jealousy, as it involves emotional judgements and assessments (McEachrane, 2009; Tomaka et al., 1997).

Attachment and relationship security

Attachment theory offers one explanation for why individuals may differ in their sensitivity to relationship threat and how they experience and express jealousy. Romantic relationships can function as important attachments; however, people differ in expectations about what attachments can look like, which can influence how they respond to relationship threat (Sharpsteen & Kirkpatrick, 1997).

Some people hold an anxious attachment style, which is defined as "uncertainty regarding the availability of attachment figures" (Campbell & Marshall, 2011), which can increase sensitivity to loss or threat and make jealous behaviours stronger. Avoidant attachment style is defined as "an active fear of closeness" (Bartholomew, 1990), which can influence how jealousy is expressed or managed.

Maya's attachment-related expectations could influence how sensitive she is to ambiguous relationships, particularly if she has an anxious attachment style.

Relationship context and uncertainty

Jealousy is also shaped by relationship characteristics and the immediate context, particularly when information about the relationship or a potential rival is uncertain. A study by Knobloch et al. (2001) states that "relational uncertainty and intimacy are two indicators of relationship development that are likely to coincide with people's propensity to experience cognitive and emotional jealousy" which supports that when people are uncertain about where their relationship stands, how committed their partner is, what boundaries exist or what a partners behaviour means, they may be more likely to get jealous. Uncertainty can make unclear information harder to interpret, making the information feel more impactful.

Relationship factors like intimacy, commitment, trust, relationship satisfaction, perceived exclusivity, and communication style shape jealousy.

Any recent conflict, unclear boundaries, or uncertainty between Alex and Maya could make Alex's messages to Joan feel more threatening. Jealousy cannot be explained by internal traits alone; the relationship situation matters.

Individual differences

Beyond attachment and relationship characteristics, individual differences can influence how strongly people perceive and respond to potential romantic threats. Individual differences such as rejection sensitivity, previous relationship experiences and personality may influence sensitivity to perceived relationship threat and responses to jealousy.

A 2015 study by Zandbergen & Brown found that individual factors influence jealousy at different levels. One finding states that gender was a stronger predictor of jealousy concerning emotional cheating, while culture was a stronger predictor of jealousy concerning sexual cheating (Zandbergen & Brown, 2015). Additionally, it was found that past experiences in connection with gender influence the type of jealousy that might be felt (Zandbergen & Brown, 2015).

Integrated explanations

Scenario

Maya sees the same message from Alex to Joan in two different circumstances

Scenario A: Maya feels secure in her relationship and knows how Alex has openly discussed the friendship.

Scenario B: Maya and Alex recently experienced conflict and have not discussed relationship boundaries.

Taken together, the evidence suggests that romantic jealousy is best understood as an interaction among relationship circumstances, perceived threat, cognitive appraisal, and individual characteristics rather than as the product of a single cause.

Appraisal theory may explain how a situation becomes psychologically threatening, while attachment theory may explain why people differ in their expectations and sensitivity to relationship threat. Individual differences explain why people facing similar circumstances may respond differently. As shown in Figure 2, many factors separate a relationship event from the emotion of jealousy and how it is acted upon, with each factor coming in at different steps in the process of emotion and behaviour formation.

What are the impacts of romantic jealousy?

Once people experience romantic jealousy, it can influence how they think, feel, and behave, with consequences that may extend beyond the individual to the relationship itself. The consequences of jealousy depend partly on how people experience and respond to it, with the potential for both adaptive and harmful responses.

Cognitive impacts

Romantic jealousy can influence cognitive processing by increasing attention to potential relationship threats and shaping how individuals interpret ambiguous information about their partner and relationship. Cognitive jealousy concerns what one thinks or suspects and may, for instance, look like "I am worried that someone of the opposite sex is stalking my partner"(Leite et al., 2024). Jealousy can heighten attention towards relationship information cognitively and make someone hyperalert.

Another cognitive impact of jealousy is that people repeatedly think about the relationship to find new information through evidence-checking and mental replaying. Rumination has been highlighted as a factor that can explain the link between romantic jealousy and relationship dissatisfaction (Elphinston et al., 2013).

Emotional impacts

The emotional impact of romantic jealousy can extend beyond the experience of jealousy itself, with individuals potentially experiencing anxiety, fear, anger, sadness, or insecurity in response to perceived relationship threat. Jealousy can co-occur with multiple emotional experiences, and these emotions can influence how people act on jealousy. For example, it has been found that people who experience jealousy alongside hostility but no guilt may be more likely to engage in violent behaviour. At the same time, high levels of passion can influence the desire to confront a rival (Guerrero et al., 2005). The emotional intensity of jealousy can vary by context and shape how people feel about themselves and the situation. Research has found that higher levels of threat associated with jealousy lead to greater surprise, fear, and distress (Bush et al., 1988).

Behavioural responses

Individuals may respond to jealousy with constructive communication and relationship maintenance, or with behaviours that increase conflict, control, or harm. Fiske (2022) explains that emotions can motivate actions, especially depending on history and context, and this applies to jealousy.

One example of a behavioural response can involve constructive responses, like fixing expectations, seeking assurance, setting boundaries, and getting clarification, all things that can allow someone to respond in an adaptive way (Attridge, 2013).

Less constructive responses can include suspicious behaviour, negative communication, manipulation, or aggression (Yoshimura, 2004).

Scenario

Maya sees Alex talking closely with Joan at a work party. She experiences jealousy.

Response A: Maya notices that she feels threatened, pauses before responding, and later tells Alex that the interaction makes her feel insecure. They discuss what happened.

Response B: Maya becomes angry, repeatedly checks Alex's phone and accuses him of being unfaithful.

Relationship consequences

Jealousy can prompt communication that can be both constructive and less constructive. The effects jealousy has on a relationship depend partly on how it is communicated.

Trust within the relationship can be affected, as jealousy-related suspicion and monitoring have been linked to lower trust and relationship dissatisfaction (Karakoçoğlu & Hasdağ, 2025). In this context, overall relationship satisfaction can suffer, as jealousy-related behaviours can become problematic and harm both the individual experiencing jealousy and their partner (Elphinston et al., 2013).

Jealousy may prompt behaviours intended to maintain or protect a relationship, or behaviours that can harm trust and communication.

When can jealousy be harmful?

Romantic jealousy becomes particularly concerning when it is intense, persistent or difficult to regulate, especially when it is expressed through behaviours that undermine autonomy, wellbeing, trust, or relationship functioning. The intensity of the jealousy can influence behaviour; if it overwhelms a person's ability to respond effectively, it can determine whether jealousy becomes more or less harmful (Bush et al., 1988).

The persistence of jealousy can influence how harmful it is; one question is whether it resolves after the concern is addressed or continues, keeping an individual preoccupied with a perceived threat. This persistence can then influence behavioural expression.

Jealousy exists on a continuum, so problematic jealousy is better understood in terms of pattern, intensity, regulation, expression and consequences.

How can romantic jealousy be managed?

Managing romantic jealousy involves more than suppressing an uncomfortable emotion. Individuals can benefit from recognising their emotional response, evaluating the perceived threat and choosing responses that support both personal wellbeing and relationship functioning.

Recognising the emotional response

The first step in managing jealousy is recognising and acknowledging the emotional response without automatically treating the feeling itself as evidence that the perceived threat is real. Jealousy can be an uncomfortable and often negative emotion; however, recognising what you feel matters, as Szczygieł et al. (2012) note that high emotional awareness can prevent the potentially damaging impact of negative emotions.

It is also important to validate the emotion being felt without validating the interpretation, and to normalise feeling jealous while distinguishing between feeling and acting on the feeling (Leahy & Tirch, 2008).

Evaluating the perceived threat

After recognising jealousy, individuals can evaluate whether available evidence supports the perceived threat rather than assuming the emotional response itself confirms it.

When evaluating threat, it helps to distinguish evidence from assumptions. See Figure 3 for the different elements of observation, interpretation, and prediction. These are not facts, and jealousy can be hard to manage when people treat interpretations and predictions as facts.

It is also important to consider the uncertainty. Sometimes there genuinely is not enough information, so managing jealousy may mean building tolerance for uncertainty rather than trying to eliminate it, since stress around the ambiguity of actions gives jealousy power (Brenner, 2018). To prevent jealousy from worsening, avoid turning evaluation into surveillance. Healthy evaluation involves reflection and open communication, but does not mean checking phones, monitoring, tracking, or interrogating.

Communication and relationship management

When jealousy concerns the relationship itself, constructive communication can help partners clarify expectations, set boundaries, and address concerns without using jealousy to justify controlling behaviour. First, communicate an emotion rather than accuse. An accusation may look like "you are obviously flirting with her". In contrast, proper communication may look like "I noticed that I felt uncomfortable and insecure when I saw that interaction and I would like to talk about it". It is important to communicate the experience and avoid assuming intent.

One way to combat jealousy is to discuss relationship boundaries. Partners may have different expectations about friendships, flirting, social media and exclusivity.

Communication must not become control, as jealousy does not create an entitlement to restrict a partner's autonomy, and social control is associated with lower relationship satisfaction and more unhealthy transformations (Young et al., 2019).

Emotion regulation

Emotion regulation can help individuals manage the intensity of jealousy and related emotions, creating space to choose responses aligned with their longer-term relationship goals. Emotional regulation is described as "the process by which we influence which emotions we have, when we have them, and how we experience and express them" (Gross, 2008). This means that there is a difference between regulation and suppression.

Mindfulness activities can also help by supporting emotional awareness and tolerance, and by supporting cognitive reappraisal, which reassesses the initial appraisal that may bring forward jealousy in the first place.

As shown in Figure 4, behavioural pause, which involves taking time before communicating when emotional arousal is high to prevent impulsive behaviour, is important. It is also helpful to align your regulation with relationship goals by clarifying what you ultimately want, your intention to protect the relationship, and which response is most likely to move you toward those goals.

When the threat is real

Managing jealousy does not require dismissing every perceived threat as irrational. When evidence points to a genuine relationship problem, appropriate management means addressing the underlying issue rather than simply regulating the emotion away. Sometimes, the perceived threat causing the jealousy is real, such as a partner violating a boundary. There may be infidelity, deception, repeated inappropriate behaviour, or a breakdown of trust.

Emotional regulation to control jealousy does not mean you must tolerate mistreatment. If a person's jealousy responds to genuine evidence of betrayal or boundary violation, simply trying to 'manage jealousy' could cause you to overlook an underlying relationship problem.

If something questionable is going on, communicate and negotiate, clarify boundaries, decide what changes are necessary, and determine whether trust can be repaired. Abrahamson et al. (2011) found that in couples that stayed together after infidelity, counselling, communication, and changing the couple dynamic with a shift in power dynamics were vital.

When addressing a relationship problem, you must decide what is within your control. No individual can control their partner's choices; however, they can control how they respond. Professional support can also be a part of this ability to control responses, and it can help when jealousy may feel persistent, severe, highly distressing, or when it comes with controlling behaviour or severely impairs relationship functioning. Effective management of jealousy requires both emotional regulation and accurate threat detection.

Scenario

Maya has talked to Alex about what she saw on his phone. Alex explains that Joan was just a work friend and there was no romantic relationship.

Conclusion

Romantic jealousy occurs when a person perceives a threat to a valued romantic relationship. Although the perceived threat can come from external stimuli, jealousy is not something caused by the external event alone. Cognitive appraisal determines how the situation is interpreted, and attachment, individual differences, relationship characteristics, and uncertainty can influence that interpretation. Therefore, romantic jealousy has no single cause.

Jealousy can have multiple impacts, affecting cognition, emotions, behaviour, and the relationship. Although jealousy is often associated with negative outcomes, it is not inherently harmful; the consequences depend largely on how the emotion is interpreted and expressed.

To manage jealousy, first recognise the emotion without automatically treating it as evidence. An individual should evaluate the perceived threat, separate evidence from assumptions, and then try to regulate emotions so they have space to choose a response. Communication matters, as an individual can communicate constructively to negotiate expectations within a relationship. It is also important to respond differently when there is genuine evidence of a relationship threat.

Managing jealousy does not mean dismissing the emotion, nor does it mean assuming the perceived threat is real. Instead, people should distinguish between emotion, interpretation, evidence, and action, and address genuine relationship problems.

Overall, this chapter suggests that experiencing romantic jealousy is not necessarily a problem, so long as one understands what the jealousy is signalling, can evaluate whether the perceived threat is supported by evidence, and can choose a response that supports wellbeing and healthy relationship function.

References

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External links

Emotions (American Psychological Association)
Happy couples (American Psychological Association)
Intimate relationships (University of Melbourne)
Marriage and relationships (American Psychological Association)
Violence in relationships (American Psychological Association)

	It only occurs when a partner has definitely been unfaithful.
	It is the same as envy.
	It can involve a perceived threat to a valued romantic relationship and may involve emotional, cognitive, and motivational processes.
	It always results in harmful behaviour.

	The message automatically created jealousy.
	Jealousy depends only on personality.
	The meaning of the message may be shaped by appraisal, relationship security and contextual uncertainty.
	One person must be irrational.

	Jealousy was only present in response B.
	constructive responses require people to suppress jealousy.
	The emotional experience is similar, while the behavioural response differs.
	Jealousy always produces controlling behaviour.

	Suppress the jealousy because the threat has been disproven.
	Check Alex's phone until Maya feels completely certain.
	Acknowledge the emotion, consider the evidence, tolerate some uncertainty and choose a constructive response.
	Assume that feeling jealous must mean something is wrong.