This textbook chapter has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via login to the unit's Moodle site. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to see what editing changes I have made whilst reading through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below or continuing to improve the chapter if you wish. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener. If you wish to dispute the marks, see the suggested marking dispute process.
Overall, this chapter is not up to Pass-level. It could have served as a useful first draft for comment earlier in semester, then feedback could have been given to help guide its development. The main issues were the lack of evidence of close reading of peer-reviewed theory and research on exercise motivation. The introductory section was very general and didn't establish clear focus questions. The copyright details for uploaded images were not provided and were hence deleted. There was a lack of integration with other chapter pages or relevant wiki resources. Spelling, grammar and APA style could have improved through closer proofreading. There are some more specific comments below, plus I recommend looking at my edits to the chapter which partially address some of these points. I also recommend checking out some of the chapters mentioned in the general textbook chapter feedback.
The history section is very broad, too broad I think; it would be better to concentrate more directly on the chapter topic - exercise motivation e.g., what about Triplett's social facilitation study (1898)?
What is motivation? Motivation is conceptualised as human - but is it not also evident in animals? (See the textbook chapter about this).
What is metabolic syndrome? (Explain)
The definition of physical fitness was a bit problematic (defined as doing exercise?). Making the distinction between anaerobic and aerobic exercise could be helpful.
Discussion of SDT seems to be mixed up with discussion of I-E motivation. There is a lack of clear understanding about how these theories apply to exercise motivation. Suggestion: Provide a summary of the peer reviewed psychological research and theory literature about how each of these theories apply to exercising.
There are unsourced claims e.g. "To be intrinsically motivated and self-determined to further engage and participate in exercise or physical activity helps us gain greater self satisfaction and healthy well-being."
Australia statistics would be even better for our Australian textbook - ("in America alone it is found that over 50% of the adult population does not regularly exercise")
There are some problematic, unsourced claims e.g., "There are many different ways to exercise in today’s society, with all the gym equipment that is now ready available to all individuals.". Which society are you talking about? Most of the world's population does not have ready access to gym equipment I suspect.
How about going to the peer-reviewed research literature to provide some empirical evidence? (e.g., about "A few of the more common physical activities that people often engage in are walking, running, playing sports and dancing just to name a few."?)
The chapter could have benefited from a more specifically developed introduction, with clear focus questions. Getting comments on a chapter plan and/or chapter draft could have helped with this aspect. As it stands, over half of the chapter content is a general introduction to motivation and exercise, but not really to exercise motivation.
Adding wiki links such as William James would have increased interactivity of the electronic chapter. Links to related textbook chapters (e.g., for intrinsic-extrinsic motivation would also demonstrate integration with the broader textbook project).
The suggested learning activities should have been developed further so as to more closely match the content of the chapter.
The motivation definition activity appeared to be more or less what we did in Tutorial 1? Ideally, the chapter activities should be customised to the chapter topic.
Explain the purpose of the "challenge" - how does it relate to the chapter?
I didn't understand the "Using Self-determination theory" activity. How could I find out if someone was internally or externally motivated? What should the person try to persuade them of (the opposite motivation?)?
Spelling, grammar and proofreading
Some sentences were not grammatically correct e.g., "Whilst passion can be seen as the concentration and effort that you are constantly putting into your training to better yourself in preparation for the season ahead." and sentences starting with "Although"
Avoid colloquial language e.g., "These types of benefits include such things" - strive for clearer expression of concepts - what are "things"?.
Some content was repetitive e.g., "Edward Deci and Richard Ryan at the University of Rochester"
Check spelling e.g., their -> there
In some places there were unnecessary semi-colons
Only use ampersand inside parenthesis, otherwise use "and"
Only cite sources you actually consulted e.g., did you really consult Watson (1913)?
Do not cite the year for subsequent citations within a paragraph e.g., Smith (2010) but after that in the same paragraph only refer to Smith.
When there are three or more authors, subsequent citations should use et al. e.g., Smith, Bush and Western (2001) and then in the next paragraph cite Smith et al. (2001).
APA style formatting wasn't applied to the references.